BS"D
Are you worried that your precious Bas Yisrooel might be exposed to bad influences during her year in Eretz Yisrooel? Do you want to make sure she is closed off from anything to do with the timadige medine?
We, the dedicated hanhala of Bnos Burqa - the 120 denier seminary - make sure that your daughter is never exposed to tima because our dress code prevents her from being exposed to much of anything!
We are the only seminary that insists your precious daughter wears her burqa to class as well as when walking around our campus, which she is not permitted to leave without three iron-clad madrichois who are selected for their dedication to extreme tznius as prescribed by our hyliger sifrei sharia. We insist that our girls cover their eyes when not on campus, and our madrichois will guide them for both physical and spiritual safety during their walks through the city so that they avoid seeing tzioinish desecration.
Mrs Yachne-Behyme Pashkvilschreiber and her dedicated staff, chosen from the strictest homes in East Jerusalem, make sure that your daughter becomes a real burqa girl who will take the lessons she learned at our seminary with her for her entire life as a true eved to her husband.
We welcome applications from Section 8 and welfare families - we accept food stamps for our comfortable 12 monthly installment payments for tuition and burqa rental.
"My Magyfaleh was actually wasting her time doing chessed projects in her old sem, like visiting Yidden wounded by terrorist attacks that were caused by the tziyoinim who oppress the innocent Palestinians. She was picking up the krimmest tzioinish hashkofos and mamesh goyishkeit! I pulled her out and put her into Bnos Burqa and she came out a real tzadekes, ready to get married so she can apply for her own welfare and Section 8!" (Byreh-Cholere Tzifloigenberger, Kiryas Naye Circle)
Showing posts with label absolute mishegoss; absolute mishegoss; satire of left. Show all posts
Showing posts with label absolute mishegoss; absolute mishegoss; satire of left. Show all posts
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The Return of Freeky Freedy
BS"D
This time, it is not MAF, or any other member of the Ku Klutz Kartel, who has been bestowed with the moniker Freeky Freedy. In fact, this Freeky Freedy is not even haimish, not by a longshot.
Instead, our latest Creedmoor born and bred stain on the Friedman surname is actually a multiple personality of the Admou"r who spews his anti-Israel tomfoolery on the editorial pages of a major newspaper - and that paper has no idea it is paying its renowned Putzwhancker Prize winning commentator's salary right to Creedmoor.
The story begins when the Admou"r meCreedmoor realized he had to get his message of destruction of the Zionist entity and promotion of entitlement programs out to a wider audience.
One summer day, a follower happened to bring him a phony pre-war Hungarian welfare card in the name of Friedmann Tamasz. The card was issued in 1911 to a disabled veteran by that name who had fought with the troops of Attila the Hun, and with a birthdate somewhere around 396 CE it followed that the good soldier Friedmann was approximately a millenium and a half old at the time the card was issued back around the end of the 19th century EOS (Era of Shkootzim).
Such a card was perfect for the Admou"r meCreedmoor, and he immediately signed ancient and fictitious Tamasz bacsi up for a few rounds of welfare, Medicare, Medicaid and retroactive aid from the Hungarian government.
At the same time, the Admou"r's one somewhat intelligent follower, a college student who had fallen under the spell of much Arab propaganda, had brought a ream of anti-Israel articles and papers to his Admou"r for a brooche.
The Admou"r seized the papers, and asked the student for the address of the New York Times. Once he found the address, he duly submitted a few of the papers under the name "Tamasz Friedmann," with a note that he, Dovid Schmoigerman, was Friedmann's literary agent.
Of course, the NYT, which prints any sort of anti-Israel claptrap, was very pleased. And little by little, the Admou"r sent the rest of the papers. He kept the flow going by asking his talmid and Chossid to write a new one every week, claiming it would be printed in the English language edition of Der Shygetz, knowing that his student would never know that such a derisive name is given to the New York Times by many a Creedmoorer Chossid who confuses it with this very august online publication that you are now reading.
Tamasz Friedmann's name was anglicized to Tom Friedman, and all the rest is history.
And all of the cheques being sent to "Tamasz Friedmann" are being cashed by..."Schmoigerman Literary Consultants" every week, to this very day.
(NB: The gentleman whose photograph appears in the NYT under the name "Tom Friedman" is actually illegal Mexican alien Pedro "Mustache Pete" Pendejez, a now deceased dealer in marijuana from Tijuana).
This time, it is not MAF, or any other member of the Ku Klutz Kartel, who has been bestowed with the moniker Freeky Freedy. In fact, this Freeky Freedy is not even haimish, not by a longshot.
Instead, our latest Creedmoor born and bred stain on the Friedman surname is actually a multiple personality of the Admou"r who spews his anti-Israel tomfoolery on the editorial pages of a major newspaper - and that paper has no idea it is paying its renowned Putzwhancker Prize winning commentator's salary right to Creedmoor.
The story begins when the Admou"r meCreedmoor realized he had to get his message of destruction of the Zionist entity and promotion of entitlement programs out to a wider audience.
One summer day, a follower happened to bring him a phony pre-war Hungarian welfare card in the name of Friedmann Tamasz. The card was issued in 1911 to a disabled veteran by that name who had fought with the troops of Attila the Hun, and with a birthdate somewhere around 396 CE it followed that the good soldier Friedmann was approximately a millenium and a half old at the time the card was issued back around the end of the 19th century EOS (Era of Shkootzim).
Such a card was perfect for the Admou"r meCreedmoor, and he immediately signed ancient and fictitious Tamasz bacsi up for a few rounds of welfare, Medicare, Medicaid and retroactive aid from the Hungarian government.
At the same time, the Admou"r's one somewhat intelligent follower, a college student who had fallen under the spell of much Arab propaganda, had brought a ream of anti-Israel articles and papers to his Admou"r for a brooche.
The Admou"r seized the papers, and asked the student for the address of the New York Times. Once he found the address, he duly submitted a few of the papers under the name "Tamasz Friedmann," with a note that he, Dovid Schmoigerman, was Friedmann's literary agent.
Of course, the NYT, which prints any sort of anti-Israel claptrap, was very pleased. And little by little, the Admou"r sent the rest of the papers. He kept the flow going by asking his talmid and Chossid to write a new one every week, claiming it would be printed in the English language edition of Der Shygetz, knowing that his student would never know that such a derisive name is given to the New York Times by many a Creedmoorer Chossid who confuses it with this very august online publication that you are now reading.
Tamasz Friedmann's name was anglicized to Tom Friedman, and all the rest is history.
And all of the cheques being sent to "Tamasz Friedmann" are being cashed by..."Schmoigerman Literary Consultants" every week, to this very day.
(NB: The gentleman whose photograph appears in the NYT under the name "Tom Friedman" is actually illegal Mexican alien Pedro "Mustache Pete" Pendejez, a now deceased dealer in marijuana from Tijuana).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)