BS"D
The Admou"r knew he had only the slightest chance of blowing even a tiny hole in the Brooklyn Bridge with his planned Rabbeini Reiven Goldberg a/k/a Rube Goldberg nuclear pyrotechnics demonstration. He was not even surprised or disappointed that the bottle of "Ruhollah Islamic Super-Atomic Pistachio Scented Baby-Soft Plutonium Liquid" fuel concentrate brought to him by an Iranian U.N. envoy was adulterated.
Once he saw an invoice for "50% off" signed by "Mashiah Kamsanzadeh," he knew that the Mossad had its tentacles in the whole Bushehr operation, and therefore the fuel was obviously adulterated. Still, he paid the Iranian envoy his agreed price of $30,000, in unmarked three, five, seven, and nine food stamp notes as well as a couple of expired EBT cards.
The Admou"r set out to Downtown Brooklyn by way of Boro Park, where he knew he could raid a couple of wedding halls for unused alcohol gel fuel. He was trailed by a truck that included two rubber dinghies, three rubber duckies, seven styrofoam boards, and seven pickle barrels. He also had a large supply of homemade slivovitz (as an independent country, Creedmoor could operate all the distilleries it wanted, especially because the Admou"r had a habit of distilling vodka and gin from wood and other methanol-generating solids), and some kokosh cake laced with hashish. This was to be handed out to passersby who would certainly want to join his excursion to the columns under the Brooklyn Bridge rather than watch the same old boring Chabad menorah lighting that took place every year in downtown Brooklyn.
He also had a sign made with the following message: "K'hal Sinas Chinam d'Creedmoor Invites You to a Grand Menorah Lighting In Memory of the Zionist Entity and In Honor of the New President of North Korea, Kim Limp Duck." The sign would be hung from the Brooklyn Bridge, only because its creator could not be hanged from the Brooklyn Bridge.
Finally, the Admou"r would beat those Lubavitcher tzioinim at their own game. He would khap their audience straight out from under them and take a dozen or so unwitting young Jewish families who were expecting to watch a boring ceremony at the Brooklyn docks on a cruise up the river that they would never forget. They would always remember how much better his kokosh cake was than the stale donuts and dubious latkes that issued forth from Crown Heights to spread a light far weaker than that of Doovid'l Schmoigerman, about whom it was said "Your fire will burn until the last uninsured building in the world is no longer standing!"
(Grand finale tomorrow)
Showing posts with label Creedmoor returns. crazy even for Creedmoor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Creedmoor returns. crazy even for Creedmoor. Show all posts
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The Admou"r Returns on Sunday for a Public Chanike Extravaganza
BS"D
The Admou"r is so desperate for the funds he needs to create another few hundred quintillion personalities that he will awaken from his deep disability insurance-mandated sleep to host a Chanike Extravaganza, a public menorah lighting of a sort that will put the tzioinim at Chabad to shame........and that even Solomon Dwrek and Bernie Madoff will praise for the sheer scale of its depravity.
Yes, Creedmoor is back with a bang.......or is it a series of seismic booms....as the Admou"r prepares for his public menorah lighting in a venue that no one possibly dreamed the Admou"r ever owned, even if he did produce enough documents of sale that the insurance companies issued him a few thousand sheets of policies to cover its imminent and ultimate destruction at the hands of a rather artfully designed menorah that burns rocket fuel made specially for it by the chemists who are now busy preparing missile fuel for the launch of the Iranian nuclear research satellite program.
Star Wars meets Creedmoor on Sunday, as the Admou"r hatches a plan to celebrate the tzioinish holiday of Chanike in special style, especially because it coincides with nitel, a custom that he and his Chassidim are makpid on every day of the year.
Will the earth survive the Admou"r's stellar display of Chanike pyrotechnics? The question is - will Lloyd's of London survive the Admou"r's next ream of insurance claims without a bailout from the Saudi royal family, the Chinese development bank, and George Tzuris?
The Admou"r is so desperate for the funds he needs to create another few hundred quintillion personalities that he will awaken from his deep disability insurance-mandated sleep to host a Chanike Extravaganza, a public menorah lighting of a sort that will put the tzioinim at Chabad to shame........and that even Solomon Dwrek and Bernie Madoff will praise for the sheer scale of its depravity.
Yes, Creedmoor is back with a bang.......or is it a series of seismic booms....as the Admou"r prepares for his public menorah lighting in a venue that no one possibly dreamed the Admou"r ever owned, even if he did produce enough documents of sale that the insurance companies issued him a few thousand sheets of policies to cover its imminent and ultimate destruction at the hands of a rather artfully designed menorah that burns rocket fuel made specially for it by the chemists who are now busy preparing missile fuel for the launch of the Iranian nuclear research satellite program.
Star Wars meets Creedmoor on Sunday, as the Admou"r hatches a plan to celebrate the tzioinish holiday of Chanike in special style, especially because it coincides with nitel, a custom that he and his Chassidim are makpid on every day of the year.
Will the earth survive the Admou"r's stellar display of Chanike pyrotechnics? The question is - will Lloyd's of London survive the Admou"r's next ream of insurance claims without a bailout from the Saudi royal family, the Chinese development bank, and George Tzuris?
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