BS"D
We believe that the Admou"r flew from the Brooklyn Bridge to Ramat Beit Shimush this evening in order to encourage his fellow self-appointed kanoim and to open his new ultra-kanoi, 1000% gender-segregated development "Biouv Patuach" tomorrow morning.
We will have the full account of the 12th Light of Chanike extravaganza this week, as well as a special audio from my colleague, Shmeel Paskudney, on how to be a real kanoi...................
Showing posts with label absolute mishegoss; absolute mishegoss; satire of fanatics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label absolute mishegoss; absolute mishegoss; satire of fanatics. Show all posts
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Sunday, March 21, 2010
"Aish Sameach - Byse Loozer" The New BT Yeshive of Creedmoor
BS"D
"Aish Sameach" (The Joyous Fire) is of course the title of one of the greatest sforim ever written, a guide to the proper and efficient burning of insured property that is attributed to the hyliger elter zyde of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, HaGoon Kalman Elozor (known as Kalman Loozer) Schmoigerman of Shady Acres, an 132 year old goises who is mysteriously listed as residing in "Shady Acres and Shadier Deals Rest Home," one of the many nursing homes and psychiatric convalescent centers which receive Medicare and Medicaid subsidy transfers that land in the Admou"r's many offshore bank accounts on behalf of patients who have serious medical issues that affect their very existence and therefore make it very difficult to prove same.
Now, you can learn the only true derech in Yiddishkeit, that of self proclaimed kanoius, and sinas chinam in the guise of true devotion to the Torah of our three Avois (Koirach, Doson and Abirom). If you cannot adjust to life in the real world, are going through a temporary crisis that you want to turn into a permanent disaster, or are a teenager looking to shock your parents while living a lifestyle that is minimally socially acceptable, Aish Sameach - Byse Looser is the place for you!
Our courses include:
"Proving to Your Friends and Parents That They Are Koifrim Whom You Need Not Respect"
"How Torah Codes Predict the Destruction of Reform and Conservative Judaism Along With the Zionist Entity in 2015"
"Parnosso Training 1: An Introduction to Schnorring"
"Parnosso Training 2: Federal Benefits Programs; Parnosso While Learning for A Life Without Productive Work"
"Parnosso Training 3: Dina deMalchusa Dina Does Not Count for Anyone who Is Not One of Ours: How to defraud the government, consumers and business partners for fun and profit and sending your children to our yeshivas"
"The Fallacy of Ahavas Yisroel: Why You Must Curse Anyone Who Does Not Agree With Our Derech to a Misse Mashine and Worse!"
"Stories that Teach Yiros Shamayim: Hear first hand how those who had a chance to do tshive our way but did not are suffering in this world and in the depths of Gehennom!"
"Athletic Instruction: Improving Your Rock Throwing Techniques: Who cares if you were last to be picked for softball games! We will turn you into the Babe Ruth of Shabbos demonstrations in no time!"
After a mere month of our intense course work, you will be out on the streets of Boro Park making sure people repent-or else!
Admission is free of charge to anyone who can obtain a Pell Grant and makes a committment to three years of fundraising for our Yeshiva.
Extracurricular activities include: Fundraising, Rock Throwing, Running from Police, Hiding from Pell Grant Inspectors, and More!
Start your journey to true fanaticism and the real kanois that is so lacking in our generation! We guarantee that you will develop BT Syndrome within a month or we will take back your Pell Grant!
Why be a plain loser when you can learn at Byse Loozer?
"Aish Sameach" (The Joyous Fire) is of course the title of one of the greatest sforim ever written, a guide to the proper and efficient burning of insured property that is attributed to the hyliger elter zyde of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, HaGoon Kalman Elozor (known as Kalman Loozer) Schmoigerman of Shady Acres, an 132 year old goises who is mysteriously listed as residing in "Shady Acres and Shadier Deals Rest Home," one of the many nursing homes and psychiatric convalescent centers which receive Medicare and Medicaid subsidy transfers that land in the Admou"r's many offshore bank accounts on behalf of patients who have serious medical issues that affect their very existence and therefore make it very difficult to prove same.
Now, you can learn the only true derech in Yiddishkeit, that of self proclaimed kanoius, and sinas chinam in the guise of true devotion to the Torah of our three Avois (Koirach, Doson and Abirom). If you cannot adjust to life in the real world, are going through a temporary crisis that you want to turn into a permanent disaster, or are a teenager looking to shock your parents while living a lifestyle that is minimally socially acceptable, Aish Sameach - Byse Looser is the place for you!
Our courses include:
"Proving to Your Friends and Parents That They Are Koifrim Whom You Need Not Respect"
"How Torah Codes Predict the Destruction of Reform and Conservative Judaism Along With the Zionist Entity in 2015"
"Parnosso Training 1: An Introduction to Schnorring"
"Parnosso Training 2: Federal Benefits Programs; Parnosso While Learning for A Life Without Productive Work"
"Parnosso Training 3: Dina deMalchusa Dina Does Not Count for Anyone who Is Not One of Ours: How to defraud the government, consumers and business partners for fun and profit and sending your children to our yeshivas"
"The Fallacy of Ahavas Yisroel: Why You Must Curse Anyone Who Does Not Agree With Our Derech to a Misse Mashine and Worse!"
"Stories that Teach Yiros Shamayim: Hear first hand how those who had a chance to do tshive our way but did not are suffering in this world and in the depths of Gehennom!"
"Athletic Instruction: Improving Your Rock Throwing Techniques: Who cares if you were last to be picked for softball games! We will turn you into the Babe Ruth of Shabbos demonstrations in no time!"
After a mere month of our intense course work, you will be out on the streets of Boro Park making sure people repent-or else!
Admission is free of charge to anyone who can obtain a Pell Grant and makes a committment to three years of fundraising for our Yeshiva.
Extracurricular activities include: Fundraising, Rock Throwing, Running from Police, Hiding from Pell Grant Inspectors, and More!
Start your journey to true fanaticism and the real kanois that is so lacking in our generation! We guarantee that you will develop BT Syndrome within a month or we will take back your Pell Grant!
Why be a plain loser when you can learn at Byse Loozer?
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