Preview...A Research Grant for Creedmoor U.

Ninety four trillion research subjects. That is what caught the eye of the members of the Misbehavioral Research Grants Committee of the National Academy of Pseudo-Sciences of the United States of America. And with such a large cohort of research subjects, approval was quickly forthcoming, along with the requisite financing.

The title of the project......................Food Stamp Usage Patterns Among Patients Suffering From Multiple Personality Disorder.

The name of the research facility...........................R. E. Ganvetman Graduate School of Most Exalted Psychological Studies of the University of Baseless Hatred, Tribal Lands of the Nation of Greater Creedmoor.

The name of the research director........................Rabbi Dr David Schmoigerman, Psy. D.

Of course, Rabbi Dr David Schmoigerman, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, has a legitimate claim to the title Psy. D - if it indeed stands for Psychopathically Deluded. Alternately, Rabbi Schmoigerman can claim any title and requisite certificate so long as it can be granted in the same fashion by which the venerable Admou"r received his certificate of rabbinical ordination "gezel vemirma lemehadrin". After all, this legendary and unique level of ordination was attained through the painstaking process of sending thousands of proofs of purchase from breakfast cereal boxes to a mail drop in Rockland County, New York in time for the festival of Purim.

Yet, when dealing with any matters between the Federal Government and said Admou"r, it can safely be assumed that gross fraud is involved.

And in this case, the fraud was so blatant and on such a magnificent scale that only the eminently incompetent bureaucrats of the Department of Education of the United States of America could be too obtuse to detect it.....

(more coming soon)

Special Creedmoorer Event for 9 Av

For the first time in almost 2000 years, you have a choice. You can cry and moan with the Tzioini reshoim, from Teaneck to Tosh, who wail over the destruction of a barbecue pit and the beginning of the end of the Tzioini dream.

Or, you can join us and

BURN BABY BURN

Yes, for the first time ever, starting tonight, the Admou"r and his many multiple personalities throughout the world will be inviting guests to assist them and join in the celebrations as they burn down landmark buildings for insurance. Why mourn the destruction of an old shul when you can sing and dance while watching the destruction of a building for which YOU hold a lucrative insurance policy and a forged title deed! Your name will be submitted on the title deed for a building of your choice, so that you will get special brochos from the Admou"r meCreedmoor as well as an almost guaranteed lifetime berth in Leavenworth or a similar yeshiva or kollel!

For more information, please call 1-888-TZU-DRAYT now! This is a once in a life sentence opportunity!