Tikkun Leil Chanike on Pluto Last Night..The Former Planet Is In Flames!

BS"D

The hyliger Creedmoorer Stargazer, a long term inmate at Creedmoor C-ward who is considered a Chossid of the Admou"r's for insurance and disability purposes, could not believe what he saw as his mind became more scrambled than usual from the rapid and rabid signals he was receiving using his trusty vintage 1968 tin foil hat.

Next to him stood his trusty psychiatrist, Dr Ramachandran Krishnabakri Patel, who frantically tried to send signals to Pluto using his vintage 2009 Blackberry, registered to the "Creedmoorer Chassidic Hindu Friendship Society" and paid for with his part of the proceeds of several disability scams. The doctor's question was quite simple: "My wife burned the vindaloo again and what is more she add phenyle to the lassa and I throw up bad. Can I divorce please from her?"

Finally, the Admou"r replied: "The former planet is in flames and you ask me about vindaloo and lassa? No, don't divorce her you stupid cow worshipper! Send her to Mrs Fygie Shah's Kosher Indian Cooking School in Gujarat on my private jet and let her learn to cook there for three months. When she's there she can take care of some paperwork for us..."

Of course, the Admou"r does not operate a kosher cooking school in Gujarat, but he had been searching for a shill to be able to pull off a series of humanitarian aid and dwelling renewal scams in earthquake prone Gujarat, and his Indian chossid's cow of a wife certainly fit the bill just as she fit her triple plus size extra large tinfoil sari which she wore when she applied for disability and turned over 80% to her guru, none other than Pandit David Schmoigerman.

As for the stargazer, what he was seeing and hearing was the result of the Tikkun Leil Chanike on Pluto, in which a tikkun was performed to make up for the fact that the Chashmonoim actually had enough oil to last eight days, but did not use it to set even a single insured property alight!

That was more than compensated for using a string of very opaque transactions, in which the entirety of Boro Park, Williamsburgh, Monsey, Monroe and Deseret, Utah, were insured to the Admou"r but somehow located on the former Pluto known as a planet. And the proceeds were amazing; after all an entire former planet insured with countless private and public insurers would be enough to satiate the greed of 151 quintillion Creedmoorers for generations....
(more coming soon)..

First Report from Pluto - The Moisdois Creedmoor d'Pluto Melave Malka

BS"D

This is only a short report of the present chaos which is occuring as all 150 quintillion of the Admou"r's personalities are being transported to the Pluto formerly known as a planet.

At present, the Admou"r explained that thanks to some mushrooms provided by his loyal Alcatrazer Rebbetzin (Creedmoor West Coast), he reached Pluto just as soon as he chose to end Shabbos, which was sometime last Thursday, and he is now ready to begin the melave malka because after a steady diet of Alcatrazer Mushroom Kigel from Berzerkley he is able to bring all 150 quintillion of his personalities to his new moisdos.

Tomorrow morning, we will be able to decipher the Admou"r's latest gibberish and explain how it was none other than der Admou"r allyne who had Pluto declassified as a planet - and how he came to hold the title deed for the celestial body.

In addition, there will be a major kashrus announcement from the Admou"r, so come back tomorrow for more Creedmoorish Cretinism and loads of interplanetary gezel vemirma!