BS"D
Newsflash: The Schmoigerman Space Shuttle, the convoluted contraption which the Admou'r meCreedmoor uses to travel from Creedmoor to Pluto and back, has been detained at the Bobby Fischer Memorial Spaceport on Jupiter.
We are unaware as to whether this is a positive or negative development. We have reason to believe that aliens on Jupiter have asked Rabbi Schmoigerman to establish a Beis Chaval on Jupiter so that they, too, can obtain welfare, section 8, disability and UN refugee aid. Alternately, it is possible that the Schmoigerman spaceship is staging a crash on Jupiter for insurance purposes.
However, an interesting development has taken place in that long time Schmoigerman psychiatrist Dr Nanebakri Ramabudhu Patel claims that neither Rabbi Dovid nor Rebbetzin Izevel Tzoiah Yachne Schmoigerman has left Creedmoor within the past month and that there was in fact a menorah lighting ceremony inside a former administration building with a leaky gas tap and defective electrical wiring.
Attempts to contact Hymie the Hymishe Fire Adjuster are proving futile, and we do not dare contact Axa, Aviva, Allstate, AIG, Allianz, Fireman's Fund, Generali, USAA or any similar Zionist organization as we do not want to jeopardize the Admour's avoida kedeisha and source of honest parnosso.
What is the real story? Enquiring multiple personalities want to know...stay tuned!
Showing posts with label creedmoor of pluto. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creedmoor of pluto. Show all posts
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
It is Official - Schmoigerman Refugee Resettlement Plan Approved!
BS"D
Breaking noise:
The United Nations Special Committee for the Condemnation and Hopeful Obliteration of the Zionist Entity, led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and His Utmost Insanity Muammar el-Qadhafy have met in a special session to approve the "Schmoigerman Plan for the Creation and Support of Perpetual Microscopic Refugees from Zionism on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
Details coming tomorrow. All that is known at present is that this project represents the largest fraud committed to date by the Admou"r meCreedmoor and involves a budget of eleven trillion dollars for the resettlement of all microorganisms affected by the Chanike flammen on Pluto.
Breaking noise:
The United Nations Special Committee for the Condemnation and Hopeful Obliteration of the Zionist Entity, led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and His Utmost Insanity Muammar el-Qadhafy have met in a special session to approve the "Schmoigerman Plan for the Creation and Support of Perpetual Microscopic Refugees from Zionism on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
Details coming tomorrow. All that is known at present is that this project represents the largest fraud committed to date by the Admou"r meCreedmoor and involves a budget of eleven trillion dollars for the resettlement of all microorganisms affected by the Chanike flammen on Pluto.
Monday, December 14, 2009
"Pluto is Burning" - Part 2 of the Festival of Insurance Flammen Series
BS"D
"Arson committed against property of insured by individual deemed insane and intoxicated due to inhalation of nitrogen, methane and carbon monoxide poisoned atmosphere caused by improper ignition of religious lights in non-conducive atmosphere..."
Chaim Arichim Gezelgescheft, known as Hymie the Hymish Fire Adjuster, could not believe his eyes. Even in Creedmoor terms, this was a clear confession of arson by the Admou"r himself.
"You are meanink you are wantink to tell all fin der insurance companies det first of all you are der owner fin Pluto, end det also you burned it end vent crazy fin der sryfe so you burnt it?"
"Hymie, di schvantz, di idiot! You want your tzvantzig protzent oder nisht? You are not gettink mine drift? I am nisht der owner fin Pluto! It iz owned by "Khal Sinos Chinom d' Pluto Vus Iz Geven A Mol A Planet!" The chief offitzer fin die kompanye iz my Rebbetzin of East Coast Izevel Tzoiah Yachne and you iz der treasurer! So, if you are adjustink det it iz conspiresy end unlezss you iz also wantink to live in Creedmoor end pretend your tzi dryt di ken zitzen in Federal Koilel far'n der gantze leben!
I am wantink you should bring dis to the UN and dat dey should issue to me gelt to clean up der envirenment fin Pluto! Der insurance den iz also covered by the UN. You know, like all der Pelestinian refugees vuz is gettink money fin der UN to blow up tzioinim? So we iz now ochet refugeez end we iz gettink gelt to burn der plenet end den clean it up, like der Araber mach der refugeez problem end dey iz gettink more money to make more refugees! End since der arson iz geven a religious lightink, it iz multiculturalizm end perfectly fine with der UN, you know like when some yikel in Sudan gives his tochter a bris!"
Chaim Arichim Gezelgescheft managed to call the Deputy to the Deputy Secretary of the Banned Ki Moon himself...(more coming tomorrow)
"Arson committed against property of insured by individual deemed insane and intoxicated due to inhalation of nitrogen, methane and carbon monoxide poisoned atmosphere caused by improper ignition of religious lights in non-conducive atmosphere..."
Chaim Arichim Gezelgescheft, known as Hymie the Hymish Fire Adjuster, could not believe his eyes. Even in Creedmoor terms, this was a clear confession of arson by the Admou"r himself.
"You are meanink you are wantink to tell all fin der insurance companies det first of all you are der owner fin Pluto, end det also you burned it end vent crazy fin der sryfe so you burnt it?"
"Hymie, di schvantz, di idiot! You want your tzvantzig protzent oder nisht? You are not gettink mine drift? I am nisht der owner fin Pluto! It iz owned by "Khal Sinos Chinom d' Pluto Vus Iz Geven A Mol A Planet!" The chief offitzer fin die kompanye iz my Rebbetzin of East Coast Izevel Tzoiah Yachne and you iz der treasurer! So, if you are adjustink det it iz conspiresy end unlezss you iz also wantink to live in Creedmoor end pretend your tzi dryt di ken zitzen in Federal Koilel far'n der gantze leben!
I am wantink you should bring dis to the UN and dat dey should issue to me gelt to clean up der envirenment fin Pluto! Der insurance den iz also covered by the UN. You know, like all der Pelestinian refugees vuz is gettink money fin der UN to blow up tzioinim? So we iz now ochet refugeez end we iz gettink gelt to burn der plenet end den clean it up, like der Araber mach der refugeez problem end dey iz gettink more money to make more refugees! End since der arson iz geven a religious lightink, it iz multiculturalizm end perfectly fine with der UN, you know like when some yikel in Sudan gives his tochter a bris!"
Chaim Arichim Gezelgescheft managed to call the Deputy to the Deputy Secretary of the Banned Ki Moon himself...(more coming tomorrow)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Tikkun Leil Chanike on Pluto Last Night..The Former Planet Is In Flames!
BS"D
The hyliger Creedmoorer Stargazer, a long term inmate at Creedmoor C-ward who is considered a Chossid of the Admou"r's for insurance and disability purposes, could not believe what he saw as his mind became more scrambled than usual from the rapid and rabid signals he was receiving using his trusty vintage 1968 tin foil hat.
Next to him stood his trusty psychiatrist, Dr Ramachandran Krishnabakri Patel, who frantically tried to send signals to Pluto using his vintage 2009 Blackberry, registered to the "Creedmoorer Chassidic Hindu Friendship Society" and paid for with his part of the proceeds of several disability scams. The doctor's question was quite simple: "My wife burned the vindaloo again and what is more she add phenyle to the lassa and I throw up bad. Can I divorce please from her?"
Finally, the Admou"r replied: "The former planet is in flames and you ask me about vindaloo and lassa? No, don't divorce her you stupid cow worshipper! Send her to Mrs Fygie Shah's Kosher Indian Cooking School in Gujarat on my private jet and let her learn to cook there for three months. When she's there she can take care of some paperwork for us..."
Of course, the Admou"r does not operate a kosher cooking school in Gujarat, but he had been searching for a shill to be able to pull off a series of humanitarian aid and dwelling renewal scams in earthquake prone Gujarat, and his Indian chossid's cow of a wife certainly fit the bill just as she fit her triple plus size extra large tinfoil sari which she wore when she applied for disability and turned over 80% to her guru, none other than Pandit David Schmoigerman.
As for the stargazer, what he was seeing and hearing was the result of the Tikkun Leil Chanike on Pluto, in which a tikkun was performed to make up for the fact that the Chashmonoim actually had enough oil to last eight days, but did not use it to set even a single insured property alight!
That was more than compensated for using a string of very opaque transactions, in which the entirety of Boro Park, Williamsburgh, Monsey, Monroe and Deseret, Utah, were insured to the Admou"r but somehow located on the former Pluto known as a planet. And the proceeds were amazing; after all an entire former planet insured with countless private and public insurers would be enough to satiate the greed of 151 quintillion Creedmoorers for generations....
(more coming soon)..
The hyliger Creedmoorer Stargazer, a long term inmate at Creedmoor C-ward who is considered a Chossid of the Admou"r's for insurance and disability purposes, could not believe what he saw as his mind became more scrambled than usual from the rapid and rabid signals he was receiving using his trusty vintage 1968 tin foil hat.
Next to him stood his trusty psychiatrist, Dr Ramachandran Krishnabakri Patel, who frantically tried to send signals to Pluto using his vintage 2009 Blackberry, registered to the "Creedmoorer Chassidic Hindu Friendship Society" and paid for with his part of the proceeds of several disability scams. The doctor's question was quite simple: "My wife burned the vindaloo again and what is more she add phenyle to the lassa and I throw up bad. Can I divorce please from her?"
Finally, the Admou"r replied: "The former planet is in flames and you ask me about vindaloo and lassa? No, don't divorce her you stupid cow worshipper! Send her to Mrs Fygie Shah's Kosher Indian Cooking School in Gujarat on my private jet and let her learn to cook there for three months. When she's there she can take care of some paperwork for us..."
Of course, the Admou"r does not operate a kosher cooking school in Gujarat, but he had been searching for a shill to be able to pull off a series of humanitarian aid and dwelling renewal scams in earthquake prone Gujarat, and his Indian chossid's cow of a wife certainly fit the bill just as she fit her triple plus size extra large tinfoil sari which she wore when she applied for disability and turned over 80% to her guru, none other than Pandit David Schmoigerman.
As for the stargazer, what he was seeing and hearing was the result of the Tikkun Leil Chanike on Pluto, in which a tikkun was performed to make up for the fact that the Chashmonoim actually had enough oil to last eight days, but did not use it to set even a single insured property alight!
That was more than compensated for using a string of very opaque transactions, in which the entirety of Boro Park, Williamsburgh, Monsey, Monroe and Deseret, Utah, were insured to the Admou"r but somehow located on the former Pluto known as a planet. And the proceeds were amazing; after all an entire former planet insured with countless private and public insurers would be enough to satiate the greed of 151 quintillion Creedmoorers for generations....
(more coming soon)..
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The KKK - Kreedmoor Kashrus Kartel
BS"D
While the Creedmoor Clearwater Cretinaceous Choir sang the new nigun "Akalel, Akalkel, Achalel, Asakel" in between the Admou"r's usual slurred and garbled words, the Admou"r announced the founding of his new kashrus agency, the Kreedmoor Kashrus Kartel (KKK).
"We cannot continue to use the tzioinish spelling of Creedmoor now that the malachye hachabala of Interpol are trying to destroy all that is holy by issuing a warrant for the arrest of the nonexistent director of my holy institutions which also do not exist although they have obtained bank financing for billions. Therefore, our new organization which will ensure only the highest standards of kashrus on every plant and factory which we insure for more than its value, shall be called the KKK - Kreedmoor Kashrus Kartel. We must remember that K means kosher, and three K means very kosher, super mehadrin, free of all chashash of timas haTzioinis vekol shaar marin bishin...
And we will make sure EVERY single food plant in the world, except those which use products from the tzioinish entity and do not wish to pay our fee, receive a certificate from us. That is because I hereby command that Reb Doson Shtarkerbein, the holy and exalted director of the Bulvanim squad, who will be fined eleven food stamps for his failure to attend this tish, is to enforce the terms of universal compliance with our contract through the hyliger ydei Esav.
Or in simple English, you sign a contract, you pay, you get the KKK. You don't sign a contract, you don't pay, you get a visit from Moose the mikveh guard! You are getting it now? You are understanding how we are enforcing kashrus?
And not only will we send bulvanim to any establishment which refuses a contract, we will make sure that no seller of tzioinish tarfus is metamei another ehrliche ben Yishmoel by announcing on every wall that anyone who refuses our hechsher is in chyrem, by forging the names of every rov in the world who means anything, even the tzioinim./
Only in this way can we be sure that all food sold to hyliger bnei Yishmoel who follow in our honored ways of gezel, mirma, machloikes, and pirud is kasher lemehadrin and halal lemafreya!
At the end of this announcement, the Creedmoorer Cretin Constellation Choir broke into cheers of K-K-K, and the Admou"r commanded them to wear white robes and hoods for the rest of the tish..
While the Creedmoor Clearwater Cretinaceous Choir sang the new nigun "Akalel, Akalkel, Achalel, Asakel" in between the Admou"r's usual slurred and garbled words, the Admou"r announced the founding of his new kashrus agency, the Kreedmoor Kashrus Kartel (KKK).
"We cannot continue to use the tzioinish spelling of Creedmoor now that the malachye hachabala of Interpol are trying to destroy all that is holy by issuing a warrant for the arrest of the nonexistent director of my holy institutions which also do not exist although they have obtained bank financing for billions. Therefore, our new organization which will ensure only the highest standards of kashrus on every plant and factory which we insure for more than its value, shall be called the KKK - Kreedmoor Kashrus Kartel. We must remember that K means kosher, and three K means very kosher, super mehadrin, free of all chashash of timas haTzioinis vekol shaar marin bishin...
And we will make sure EVERY single food plant in the world, except those which use products from the tzioinish entity and do not wish to pay our fee, receive a certificate from us. That is because I hereby command that Reb Doson Shtarkerbein, the holy and exalted director of the Bulvanim squad, who will be fined eleven food stamps for his failure to attend this tish, is to enforce the terms of universal compliance with our contract through the hyliger ydei Esav.
Or in simple English, you sign a contract, you pay, you get the KKK. You don't sign a contract, you don't pay, you get a visit from Moose the mikveh guard! You are getting it now? You are understanding how we are enforcing kashrus?
And not only will we send bulvanim to any establishment which refuses a contract, we will make sure that no seller of tzioinish tarfus is metamei another ehrliche ben Yishmoel by announcing on every wall that anyone who refuses our hechsher is in chyrem, by forging the names of every rov in the world who means anything, even the tzioinim./
Only in this way can we be sure that all food sold to hyliger bnei Yishmoel who follow in our honored ways of gezel, mirma, machloikes, and pirud is kasher lemehadrin and halal lemafreya!
At the end of this announcement, the Creedmoorer Cretin Constellation Choir broke into cheers of K-K-K, and the Admou"r commanded them to wear white robes and hoods for the rest of the tish..
Monday, October 19, 2009
Creedmoor Kashrus Coming Soon!
BS"D
The link between here and Pluto (as in my Internet connection) keeps going down. As soon as it is back to normal, hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to post the kashrus news and other highlights of the Admou"r's tish.
The link between here and Pluto (as in my Internet connection) keeps going down. As soon as it is back to normal, hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to post the kashrus news and other highlights of the Admou"r's tish.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Admou"r Opens New Pluto Based Kashrus Agency
BS"D
The letter K means kosher. The letters KKK mean triple kosher. So explains the creator of the latest in ultra-mehadrin kosher symbols, the one and only Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, who announced the opening of his new kashrus agency during his Motzoei Shabbos tish on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
The KKK symbol is bound to be controversial, as its entire modus operandi is very questionable even by rather lax Schmoigerman standards. Firms which do not wish to accept the certification are approached by anywhere from three to ten of the volunteers who comprise the famed Bulvanim community patrol.....
More coming soon!
The letter K means kosher. The letters KKK mean triple kosher. So explains the creator of the latest in ultra-mehadrin kosher symbols, the one and only Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, who announced the opening of his new kashrus agency during his Motzoei Shabbos tish on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
The KKK symbol is bound to be controversial, as its entire modus operandi is very questionable even by rather lax Schmoigerman standards. Firms which do not wish to accept the certification are approached by anywhere from three to ten of the volunteers who comprise the famed Bulvanim community patrol.....
More coming soon!
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