BS"D
Something urgent came up and I won't be Creedmooring anymore tonight. Instead, updates will be posted between tomorrow and Sunday as time permits.
Showing posts with label quick update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quick update. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Sunday, January 03, 2010
"An Unidentified Female" member of the Ku Klutz Kartel konfab in Gaza..who is it?
BS"D
According to a radio host in the Zionist state, the fearsome foursome who visited Hamas in Gaza for Shabbos Cholosh (the rest of us call it Shabbos Chazak) included "an unidentified female".
Who is she? Why was she wearing a bekeshe and shtreimel according to all pictures including those transmitted to us by the Gaza bureau of Der Vochedige Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke?
We are attempting to ascertain the identity, including the correct gender blend, of said "female" and will report back as soon as we are able to fabricate an answer, which will take a bit longer than it takes der Admou'r meCreedmoor to fabricate a seven dollar food stamp...
According to a radio host in the Zionist state, the fearsome foursome who visited Hamas in Gaza for Shabbos Cholosh (the rest of us call it Shabbos Chazak) included "an unidentified female".
Who is she? Why was she wearing a bekeshe and shtreimel according to all pictures including those transmitted to us by the Gaza bureau of Der Vochedige Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke?
We are attempting to ascertain the identity, including the correct gender blend, of said "female" and will report back as soon as we are able to fabricate an answer, which will take a bit longer than it takes der Admou'r meCreedmoor to fabricate a seven dollar food stamp...
Saturday, January 02, 2010
This Blog Is Developing Another Identity!
BS"D
Nope, life is NOT imitating art and I do not plan to apply for blogosphere welfare under two names, or even under one name.
Starting (our) Nitel Nacht, Thursday 6 January haba aleinu lebitul zman, I will have set up a new, second Creedmoor blog which will include the yichus breef series and the old attempt at writing a Creedmoor book. This second blog will discuss the history of the Schmoigerman family and serve as the definitive annals of the Creedmoorer chassidus going back to the earliest antecedents of the Schmoigerman dynasty in ancient Judea, pre-Inquisition Spain, Poland, Hungary and of course Brooklyn.
This blog will remain as it was intended to be, that is to say, the chronicles, or news source, of and for the worldwide and interplanetary Creedmoorer community.
I will move most of the book and yichus posts to the new blog on Thursday night, and this week I will indeed have the final news from the UN high commissioner for refugees regarding the refugees from Zionist aggression on Pluto. I hope to have enough material to update both blogs once every week to 10 days.
In related news, the real life Creedmoorers, the Ku Klutz Kartel, led by the intrepid publicity seeker and all around menuval Yisroel Dovid "Scheiss" Weiss (Imam Ismail Daoud al-Beyda) were or are in Gaza for Shabbos. They now number only four, reduced from five and a half probably due to the advancing age of the Szarkonosvary Rov, Ahron (Haroun) Cohen, and the defection (or repair) of the eminently defective M.A.F. (who now passes out of the Creedmoorer orbit, having bequeathed his title of Most Reprehensible Menival Masquerading As A Frummer Yid to Solomon Drek). This should provide me with some great material this week...
Nope, life is NOT imitating art and I do not plan to apply for blogosphere welfare under two names, or even under one name.
Starting (our) Nitel Nacht, Thursday 6 January haba aleinu lebitul zman, I will have set up a new, second Creedmoor blog which will include the yichus breef series and the old attempt at writing a Creedmoor book. This second blog will discuss the history of the Schmoigerman family and serve as the definitive annals of the Creedmoorer chassidus going back to the earliest antecedents of the Schmoigerman dynasty in ancient Judea, pre-Inquisition Spain, Poland, Hungary and of course Brooklyn.
This blog will remain as it was intended to be, that is to say, the chronicles, or news source, of and for the worldwide and interplanetary Creedmoorer community.
I will move most of the book and yichus posts to the new blog on Thursday night, and this week I will indeed have the final news from the UN high commissioner for refugees regarding the refugees from Zionist aggression on Pluto. I hope to have enough material to update both blogs once every week to 10 days.
In related news, the real life Creedmoorers, the Ku Klutz Kartel, led by the intrepid publicity seeker and all around menuval Yisroel Dovid "Scheiss" Weiss (Imam Ismail Daoud al-Beyda) were or are in Gaza for Shabbos. They now number only four, reduced from five and a half probably due to the advancing age of the Szarkonosvary Rov, Ahron (Haroun) Cohen, and the defection (or repair) of the eminently defective M.A.F. (who now passes out of the Creedmoorer orbit, having bequeathed his title of Most Reprehensible Menival Masquerading As A Frummer Yid to Solomon Drek). This should provide me with some great material this week...
Friday, January 01, 2010
Der Admou"r's Resolutions for the New Welfare Year
BS"D
At his end of the welfare year tish delivered from an undisclosed location, the Admou"r shared his New Welfare Year Resolutions with the world.
The most shocking and daring is his plan to create 2010 new Rebbetzins this coming welfare year, along with 100,000 new children. While of course the former seems unfeasible and the latter is hopefully biologically impossible, when it comes to forging documents the Admou"r is said to be the top intergalactic expert.
At present, the Admou"r is researching the names of various rare diseases and disabilities so that he can get the most out of every one of his new children. It is expected that three new employees will be added to the Social Security Administration to handle the Admou"r's upcoming SSI applications.
His rebbetzins are clearly both diseased and disabled to begin with or they would not want to marry the Admou"r.
At his end of the welfare year tish delivered from an undisclosed location, the Admou"r shared his New Welfare Year Resolutions with the world.
The most shocking and daring is his plan to create 2010 new Rebbetzins this coming welfare year, along with 100,000 new children. While of course the former seems unfeasible and the latter is hopefully biologically impossible, when it comes to forging documents the Admou"r is said to be the top intergalactic expert.
At present, the Admou"r is researching the names of various rare diseases and disabilities so that he can get the most out of every one of his new children. It is expected that three new employees will be added to the Social Security Administration to handle the Admou"r's upcoming SSI applications.
His rebbetzins are clearly both diseased and disabled to begin with or they would not want to marry the Admou"r.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
It is Official - Schmoigerman Refugee Resettlement Plan Approved!
BS"D
Breaking noise:
The United Nations Special Committee for the Condemnation and Hopeful Obliteration of the Zionist Entity, led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and His Utmost Insanity Muammar el-Qadhafy have met in a special session to approve the "Schmoigerman Plan for the Creation and Support of Perpetual Microscopic Refugees from Zionism on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
Details coming tomorrow. All that is known at present is that this project represents the largest fraud committed to date by the Admou"r meCreedmoor and involves a budget of eleven trillion dollars for the resettlement of all microorganisms affected by the Chanike flammen on Pluto.
Breaking noise:
The United Nations Special Committee for the Condemnation and Hopeful Obliteration of the Zionist Entity, led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and His Utmost Insanity Muammar el-Qadhafy have met in a special session to approve the "Schmoigerman Plan for the Creation and Support of Perpetual Microscopic Refugees from Zionism on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet.
Details coming tomorrow. All that is known at present is that this project represents the largest fraud committed to date by the Admou"r meCreedmoor and involves a budget of eleven trillion dollars for the resettlement of all microorganisms affected by the Chanike flammen on Pluto.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Finally: The source of the concept "Pay Tzaddik"
BS"D
In between krechtzen and eating the famous Creedmoorer cholent on Pluto (hint hint: it is usually sold in Korea and China), the Admou"r finally explained the concept of "Pay Tzaddik" as follows:
"In earlier generations before tzioinis, before Avrohom Avini came along and separated us from the worship of wood and stone, only thirty six tzaddikim were necessary to support the entire world. Today, we need twice that number, which is seventy-two. However, nothing is more hylig today than Section 8, which when added to seventy-two, equals eighty, gematriya pay. So to be among the pay tzaddikim, the eighty tzaddikim who are so holy no one else recognizes their holiness, one must proclaim that he is a tzaddik, and receive seventy-two section 8 vouchers."
The Admou"r then krechtzed 80 times, filling the Beis Medrash Toire veSkila dePluto with a smell that put the smell of the fires of Sdoim to shame.
In between krechtzen and eating the famous Creedmoorer cholent on Pluto (hint hint: it is usually sold in Korea and China), the Admou"r finally explained the concept of "Pay Tzaddik" as follows:
"In earlier generations before tzioinis, before Avrohom Avini came along and separated us from the worship of wood and stone, only thirty six tzaddikim were necessary to support the entire world. Today, we need twice that number, which is seventy-two. However, nothing is more hylig today than Section 8, which when added to seventy-two, equals eighty, gematriya pay. So to be among the pay tzaddikim, the eighty tzaddikim who are so holy no one else recognizes their holiness, one must proclaim that he is a tzaddik, and receive seventy-two section 8 vouchers."
The Admou"r then krechtzed 80 times, filling the Beis Medrash Toire veSkila dePluto with a smell that put the smell of the fires of Sdoim to shame.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Creedmoor Kashrus Coming Soon!
BS"D
The link between here and Pluto (as in my Internet connection) keeps going down. As soon as it is back to normal, hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to post the kashrus news and other highlights of the Admou"r's tish.
The link between here and Pluto (as in my Internet connection) keeps going down. As soon as it is back to normal, hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to post the kashrus news and other highlights of the Admou"r's tish.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
First Report from Pluto - The Moisdois Creedmoor d'Pluto Melave Malka
BS"D
This is only a short report of the present chaos which is occuring as all 150 quintillion of the Admou"r's personalities are being transported to the Pluto formerly known as a planet.
At present, the Admou"r explained that thanks to some mushrooms provided by his loyal Alcatrazer Rebbetzin (Creedmoor West Coast), he reached Pluto just as soon as he chose to end Shabbos, which was sometime last Thursday, and he is now ready to begin the melave malka because after a steady diet of Alcatrazer Mushroom Kigel from Berzerkley he is able to bring all 150 quintillion of his personalities to his new moisdos.
Tomorrow morning, we will be able to decipher the Admou"r's latest gibberish and explain how it was none other than der Admou"r allyne who had Pluto declassified as a planet - and how he came to hold the title deed for the celestial body.
In addition, there will be a major kashrus announcement from the Admou"r, so come back tomorrow for more Creedmoorish Cretinism and loads of interplanetary gezel vemirma!
This is only a short report of the present chaos which is occuring as all 150 quintillion of the Admou"r's personalities are being transported to the Pluto formerly known as a planet.
At present, the Admou"r explained that thanks to some mushrooms provided by his loyal Alcatrazer Rebbetzin (Creedmoor West Coast), he reached Pluto just as soon as he chose to end Shabbos, which was sometime last Thursday, and he is now ready to begin the melave malka because after a steady diet of Alcatrazer Mushroom Kigel from Berzerkley he is able to bring all 150 quintillion of his personalities to his new moisdos.
Tomorrow morning, we will be able to decipher the Admou"r's latest gibberish and explain how it was none other than der Admou"r allyne who had Pluto declassified as a planet - and how he came to hold the title deed for the celestial body.
In addition, there will be a major kashrus announcement from the Admou"r, so come back tomorrow for more Creedmoorish Cretinism and loads of interplanetary gezel vemirma!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sneak Preview and Please Introduce Yourselves
BS"D
Just to let everyone know, this Motzoei Shabbos we will be bringing you a report, live, from the Creedmoorer Shtibl on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet, where the Admou"r will be fiering tish and kishing tush for the first time since he opened the shtibl in....yes, 5779 (we will explain this as part of our exclusive report as well, so don't worry, we do know what year this is even if the Admou"r doesn't). The Admou"r will finally even explain why it is that Pluto is no longer a planet, and you will be very surprised to learn the real reason behind this cosmic decison.
Also, could inzere hyliger visitors please use the comments feature on this post to introduce yourselves? I'd be interested to see where you are coming from and what you think of what I realized is actually one of the longest, if not THE longest, running Jewish humor blogs in cyberspace.
A groysen dank,
Rabbi Dr Gimpel Pashkvilkemacher MD (Morally Defunct) for himself and for the late Rabbi Gedalia Dreckschreiber, Esq, Former Renowned Legal Malpractice Specialist, now "Deceased for Welfare and Insurance Purposes" and residing happily in the basement of the Ku Klutz Karta Masjid on Saddle River Road with his equally malfunctioning friends Imam Ismail Daoud al-Beyda (ne Weiss) and Ayatollah Moussa al-Dib Beck.
Just to let everyone know, this Motzoei Shabbos we will be bringing you a report, live, from the Creedmoorer Shtibl on the Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet, where the Admou"r will be fiering tish and kishing tush for the first time since he opened the shtibl in....yes, 5779 (we will explain this as part of our exclusive report as well, so don't worry, we do know what year this is even if the Admou"r doesn't). The Admou"r will finally even explain why it is that Pluto is no longer a planet, and you will be very surprised to learn the real reason behind this cosmic decison.
Also, could inzere hyliger visitors please use the comments feature on this post to introduce yourselves? I'd be interested to see where you are coming from and what you think of what I realized is actually one of the longest, if not THE longest, running Jewish humor blogs in cyberspace.
A groysen dank,
Rabbi Dr Gimpel Pashkvilkemacher MD (Morally Defunct) for himself and for the late Rabbi Gedalia Dreckschreiber, Esq, Former Renowned Legal Malpractice Specialist, now "Deceased for Welfare and Insurance Purposes" and residing happily in the basement of the Ku Klutz Karta Masjid on Saddle River Road with his equally malfunctioning friends Imam Ismail Daoud al-Beyda (ne Weiss) and Ayatollah Moussa al-Dib Beck.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Admou"r: Do NOT Say Tehillim for Kim Jong Il
BS"D
Emergency update due to urgent communication from the Admou"r meCreedmoor:
"To all of our myriads of phantom followers who exist only on the welfare and entitlement program rolls throughout the world as well as to the handful of unicerebralcellular creatures who truly do follow in the barely flickering one watt bulb which illuminates the Chassidus of Creedmoor:
It is with great displeasure that I have heard that there are some among you who wish to pray for the recovery of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il ymach shmo veyeabed zichro lanetzach la'ad, ben yechido d'sitra achra veshaar marin bishin.
Are you not aware that this rosho and menivel has threatened to bomb Hawaii? Are you not aware that only I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, am authorized to make absurd threats against the Great Satanic States of America, and that I can make these threats only so that you, my beloved phantom followers, can obtain additional welfare subsidies which you then must sign over to me as I am your true Creator in any event? Are you so blinded by the poison of international Zionism that you do not understand that if Hawaii were to disappear, we would be receiving welfare and entitlement programs in only 49 states?
Remember that I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, only feign insanity for the purpose of obtaining my most fair share of the monies paid by the Zionist taxpayers of the Great Satanic States of America.
However, Kim Jong Il yemach shmo truly is insane, and if he were to fall under my most holy and exalted jurisdiction, after we sign up all of his multiple personalities on all possible welfare and medical subsidy payments, he would be sentenced to a lifetime of washing dishes for the true mental patients who reside in C-ward.
And it must be mentioned that C-ward is under the direction of my most dear Chossid and Minister for Medicaid Affairs, Dr Rajesh Shah, former goatherd of Gujarat and graduate of the University of Creedmoor Faculty of Medicine, which shares a post office box with K'hal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor and has therefore become a mokom kedusha under the jurisdiction of the Arba Misois Beis Din d'Creedmoor and the Beis Din Elyoin d'Krisois veMisois d'Alcatraz.
Therefore, I proclaim that we must not in any way beseech Allah for the refieh of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il, and that we instead join the rest of the world in wishing him a misse meshine besoich shaar tzioinei oilam. This does not in any way mean that we will join the rest of the world in any other fashion except when we are able to receive welfare and related payments from any government entity on this or any other planet."
-Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Admou"r meCreedmoor and Gaavad Alcatraz.
Emergency update due to urgent communication from the Admou"r meCreedmoor:
"To all of our myriads of phantom followers who exist only on the welfare and entitlement program rolls throughout the world as well as to the handful of unicerebralcellular creatures who truly do follow in the barely flickering one watt bulb which illuminates the Chassidus of Creedmoor:
It is with great displeasure that I have heard that there are some among you who wish to pray for the recovery of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il ymach shmo veyeabed zichro lanetzach la'ad, ben yechido d'sitra achra veshaar marin bishin.
Are you not aware that this rosho and menivel has threatened to bomb Hawaii? Are you not aware that only I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, am authorized to make absurd threats against the Great Satanic States of America, and that I can make these threats only so that you, my beloved phantom followers, can obtain additional welfare subsidies which you then must sign over to me as I am your true Creator in any event? Are you so blinded by the poison of international Zionism that you do not understand that if Hawaii were to disappear, we would be receiving welfare and entitlement programs in only 49 states?
Remember that I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, only feign insanity for the purpose of obtaining my most fair share of the monies paid by the Zionist taxpayers of the Great Satanic States of America.
However, Kim Jong Il yemach shmo truly is insane, and if he were to fall under my most holy and exalted jurisdiction, after we sign up all of his multiple personalities on all possible welfare and medical subsidy payments, he would be sentenced to a lifetime of washing dishes for the true mental patients who reside in C-ward.
And it must be mentioned that C-ward is under the direction of my most dear Chossid and Minister for Medicaid Affairs, Dr Rajesh Shah, former goatherd of Gujarat and graduate of the University of Creedmoor Faculty of Medicine, which shares a post office box with K'hal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor and has therefore become a mokom kedusha under the jurisdiction of the Arba Misois Beis Din d'Creedmoor and the Beis Din Elyoin d'Krisois veMisois d'Alcatraz.
Therefore, I proclaim that we must not in any way beseech Allah for the refieh of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il, and that we instead join the rest of the world in wishing him a misse meshine besoich shaar tzioinei oilam. This does not in any way mean that we will join the rest of the world in any other fashion except when we are able to receive welfare and related payments from any government entity on this or any other planet."
-Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Admou"r meCreedmoor and Gaavad Alcatraz.
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