BS"D
In protest at the giving of the Torah, which the Admou"r views as a subversive Zionist document, Creedmoor and its affiliates will be fasting for two days while the tzioinim are celebrating matan Torah.
More tomorrow as the Admou"r's lunacy develops even further.
Showing posts with label neturei karta parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neturei karta parody. Show all posts
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
The Admou"r's Tzioinish Pysach Directives
BS"D
11 Rabi` Al-Akhar 1431
Creedmoor Beis Medrash, Pluto, Furthest Reaches of Golus May It Be Prolonged Until the End of Days!
"It pains me in an unfathomable way to hear that hyliger Yiddelach who walk in the hyliger flickering one watt light bulb of chassidis Creedmoor, even to the point that they recite "Shiksa Arann" repeatedly when walking the hyliger beaches of that most hyliger part of the Zionist Entity, namely Tel Baruch, are still observing the tzioinish yom tov of Pysach, which is against all that generations of our hyliger manhigim, going back to Koirach, Doson veAbiram and before that to the Chassidim of Sdoim veAmoira, may they be speedily rebuilt and just as speedily reburned for insurance, stood for and never sat down for.
While it is permissible for Yidden who are "naki mekol chashash timas haTzioinis" to sell matzois and other provisions to Tzioinim at inflated prices and to accept food stamps for same, it is NOT permitted to become a part of their idolatrous sedorim and other celebrations! We must remember that our goal is to return to the state of avdus in Mitzrayim, and never, ever, to live in the tzioinish entity!
Therefore, this year I am requesting that NO gitte sryfos take place on Monday 14 Rabi` Al-Akhar 1431, which corresponds to the time when tzioinim koifrim will be burning their chometz, which of course we eat every day of their holiday which to us has the same disgusting and kefiradige insignificance as Yom haAtzamois (Youm an-Nakba).
Our gabboim and insurance adjusters will NOT be available on 14 Rabi` Al-Akhar under ANY circumstances and in fact our messira squad, those holiest of the holy who are moiser every nefesh and moiser every neshomo who does not share in the take with them, will be reporting every suspicious fire in all five boros and Rockland County so that the appropriate authorities arrest all who are taking part in the barbaric and wasteful ceremonies of the tzioinish chometz sryfos.
And we remind all that the yahrtzeit festival of April 1 will be postponed this year until April 10 so that it does not coincide chas vesholom with the tzionish pysach."
11 Rabi` Al-Akhar 1431
Creedmoor Beis Medrash, Pluto, Furthest Reaches of Golus May It Be Prolonged Until the End of Days!
"It pains me in an unfathomable way to hear that hyliger Yiddelach who walk in the hyliger flickering one watt light bulb of chassidis Creedmoor, even to the point that they recite "Shiksa Arann" repeatedly when walking the hyliger beaches of that most hyliger part of the Zionist Entity, namely Tel Baruch, are still observing the tzioinish yom tov of Pysach, which is against all that generations of our hyliger manhigim, going back to Koirach, Doson veAbiram and before that to the Chassidim of Sdoim veAmoira, may they be speedily rebuilt and just as speedily reburned for insurance, stood for and never sat down for.
While it is permissible for Yidden who are "naki mekol chashash timas haTzioinis" to sell matzois and other provisions to Tzioinim at inflated prices and to accept food stamps for same, it is NOT permitted to become a part of their idolatrous sedorim and other celebrations! We must remember that our goal is to return to the state of avdus in Mitzrayim, and never, ever, to live in the tzioinish entity!
Therefore, this year I am requesting that NO gitte sryfos take place on Monday 14 Rabi` Al-Akhar 1431, which corresponds to the time when tzioinim koifrim will be burning their chometz, which of course we eat every day of their holiday which to us has the same disgusting and kefiradige insignificance as Yom haAtzamois (Youm an-Nakba).
Our gabboim and insurance adjusters will NOT be available on 14 Rabi` Al-Akhar under ANY circumstances and in fact our messira squad, those holiest of the holy who are moiser every nefesh and moiser every neshomo who does not share in the take with them, will be reporting every suspicious fire in all five boros and Rockland County so that the appropriate authorities arrest all who are taking part in the barbaric and wasteful ceremonies of the tzioinish chometz sryfos.
And we remind all that the yahrtzeit festival of April 1 will be postponed this year until April 10 so that it does not coincide chas vesholom with the tzionish pysach."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Finally: Ismail Daoud Weiss: Live and Uncut (hmm..is he an orel?)
BS"D
Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Imam Weiss.
IDW: The title please is Ayatollah. I was elevated to Ayatollah last year when I was in Iran. I used some of my IranAir mileage points but it was worth it.
Did you get smicha the same way?
IDW: Nisht azoy. I got it as a gift one year, mit a shuluch munis package.
What? You got smicha in a shuluch munis package? That explains your great scholarship and wise hashkofos!
IDW: Yes. Someone sent by me a package, a basket from kokosh cake, wine, a few screws, a can from corn, and a letter that say I have smicha from Yeshivas Timtum haLyve d'Bohack.
Bohack? This must have been ages ago! Bohack is out of business for decades now!
Sure. I get this smicha, I am 14 years old geven. Ahmadinejad, Haniyeh, Moishe Beck, Friedman der koifer before he went off fin der derech, they are all recognizing it?
Recognizing it for what? A Purim prank?
No!! The only smicha given by Yeshiva Waldbaum iz yodin yodin! I bring it the next day to myne yeshive, write on the certificate yodin yodin and I am gettink three rabbis to sign it. You are thinking someone else's smicha is any different? Really I did lern a shtickel in a madrassa near Atlantic Evenue last year..
What did you learn?
I learn where is Gaza and det it isn't a part fin Iran, it's a part fin Palestine, that is once occupied by the tzioinim.
So why did you choose now to go?
You know, it is such a pity. We just wasn't getting no news. Friedman, der rooshe, he left us behind, den instead the biggest menivel becomes some frenk, some real shtick Dwek, and den comes Tropper der Litvak. We are always wantink to be ahead when it is coming to getting our names in der nayes far beink outrageous..
And what did you think of Gaza?
Such a nice place, such tzniusdige beaches, all the women so covered up, such a place for me and my four chavyrim to hang out. We make Shabbos by the beach hotel but the rebbetzins dey cook far inz.
So whose cholent did you eat?
Rebbetzin Haniye 1 and Rebbetzin Haniye 2, Gnendel and Byle, I am meanink Amal which is the Hamaser Rov's older wife and cousin and whatever is de name from the other one, it is so hard to remember, they is jealous one from the other and they contest with each other to make the best cholent de way myne 2 froien Gnendel and Byle do. So one is making with the sheep meat, and the other mit de goat, both they is schected by Ahron who is not seeink straight no more which is meaning it is far away from Tzioinis and derfar der beste shechita. I am liking much better Amal's cholent but the other wife she has on a nicer veil.
You have two wives?
No, I am meanink my wife and myne tochter who is still at home. For me a wife, a tochter, der zelber zach, they must to stay veiled, and to cook and clean and to make me even food I am wanting at drye a zyger so I can have myne telephone-chavrusa mitten myne chavrusa in Iran when it is there late mornink and he is gettink up.
Who is your chavrusa?
A great doctor, he is responsible far all the Sharia emputations, you know, cuttink off der hentelach fin der tzioinim ganovim dorten. I think what he is feedink the hentelach to der lybe in der zoo but maybe we eat det in the Persian cholent is servink us inzerer hosts too.
And what about the Iranian cholent? Was it Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad's cholent?
Well, you are knowink det until he do tshive to get attention again, Mahmoudele's second wife iz geven Moishe Aryeh, I mean Moussa Assad oder affn Farsish Moussa Aslan Freakman but he is not knowink how to cook so we are havink cholent from his wife Azam, which is not so good, full from beans and dat is no good because we are lettink off too much hot air and is not fill from it enough. Really it is tastink bed and maybe is really gemacht mit der hentelach dat is choppink off fin the ganovim. Probably is making det recipe Freakman and Azam is not knowink no better how to feed Ingarisher hymisher guests and she use it she not knowink what iz in her fridge, I mean her ice box, because she not read too good.
Actually Moussa Assad, he insulted so much Azam, Azam Farahi s'iz Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, she just farshtayt nisht det he such how you say, a flyweight, he kent eat no more den drye spoonfuls fin chulent. So efter det she is also findink out he is havink affair mit her husband, and you know, all Gehennim is breakink loose, so Moussa'le, so Friedman, det shygetz, det idyot, he is becomink a tzioini all because he is engry from Azam. So sexadige dis Azam, mit her bedsheet even to cover der aygeloch, so I am understendink why Moussa so disappointed, but tzi geven a tzioini, det mean he go to Gehennim all fin der life, all over a love-trienkle!
And what about kiddush?
..You are wantink to know who is making kiddish and mit vus? Mahmoud, he let Ahron make far allemen, but Ismail, he is motzi us all mit a gless benzine. He say det he verkink on a new kind fin benzine det hiz hyliger suicide bombers ken trinkn and den dey setz demselves off. I say I am wantink to try dis for myne side business arsonizink old varehoizen in Sprink Velley but he say no, you blow yourself up too mit dis.
Thank you Ayatollah Ismail Daoud; I think we have heard enough from you for a while. See you after your next visit to Terroristan and we'll give you all the attention you deserve once again.
Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Imam Weiss.
IDW: The title please is Ayatollah. I was elevated to Ayatollah last year when I was in Iran. I used some of my IranAir mileage points but it was worth it.
Did you get smicha the same way?
IDW: Nisht azoy. I got it as a gift one year, mit a shuluch munis package.
What? You got smicha in a shuluch munis package? That explains your great scholarship and wise hashkofos!
IDW: Yes. Someone sent by me a package, a basket from kokosh cake, wine, a few screws, a can from corn, and a letter that say I have smicha from Yeshivas Timtum haLyve d'Bohack.
Bohack? This must have been ages ago! Bohack is out of business for decades now!
Sure. I get this smicha, I am 14 years old geven. Ahmadinejad, Haniyeh, Moishe Beck, Friedman der koifer before he went off fin der derech, they are all recognizing it?
Recognizing it for what? A Purim prank?
No!! The only smicha given by Yeshiva Waldbaum iz yodin yodin! I bring it the next day to myne yeshive, write on the certificate yodin yodin and I am gettink three rabbis to sign it. You are thinking someone else's smicha is any different? Really I did lern a shtickel in a madrassa near Atlantic Evenue last year..
What did you learn?
I learn where is Gaza and det it isn't a part fin Iran, it's a part fin Palestine, that is once occupied by the tzioinim.
So why did you choose now to go?
You know, it is such a pity. We just wasn't getting no news. Friedman, der rooshe, he left us behind, den instead the biggest menivel becomes some frenk, some real shtick Dwek, and den comes Tropper der Litvak. We are always wantink to be ahead when it is coming to getting our names in der nayes far beink outrageous..
And what did you think of Gaza?
Such a nice place, such tzniusdige beaches, all the women so covered up, such a place for me and my four chavyrim to hang out. We make Shabbos by the beach hotel but the rebbetzins dey cook far inz.
So whose cholent did you eat?
Rebbetzin Haniye 1 and Rebbetzin Haniye 2, Gnendel and Byle, I am meanink Amal which is the Hamaser Rov's older wife and cousin and whatever is de name from the other one, it is so hard to remember, they is jealous one from the other and they contest with each other to make the best cholent de way myne 2 froien Gnendel and Byle do. So one is making with the sheep meat, and the other mit de goat, both they is schected by Ahron who is not seeink straight no more which is meaning it is far away from Tzioinis and derfar der beste shechita. I am liking much better Amal's cholent but the other wife she has on a nicer veil.
You have two wives?
No, I am meanink my wife and myne tochter who is still at home. For me a wife, a tochter, der zelber zach, they must to stay veiled, and to cook and clean and to make me even food I am wanting at drye a zyger so I can have myne telephone-chavrusa mitten myne chavrusa in Iran when it is there late mornink and he is gettink up.
Who is your chavrusa?
A great doctor, he is responsible far all the Sharia emputations, you know, cuttink off der hentelach fin der tzioinim ganovim dorten. I think what he is feedink the hentelach to der lybe in der zoo but maybe we eat det in the Persian cholent is servink us inzerer hosts too.
And what about the Iranian cholent? Was it Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad's cholent?
Well, you are knowink det until he do tshive to get attention again, Mahmoudele's second wife iz geven Moishe Aryeh, I mean Moussa Assad oder affn Farsish Moussa Aslan Freakman but he is not knowink how to cook so we are havink cholent from his wife Azam, which is not so good, full from beans and dat is no good because we are lettink off too much hot air and is not fill from it enough. Really it is tastink bed and maybe is really gemacht mit der hentelach dat is choppink off fin the ganovim. Probably is making det recipe Freakman and Azam is not knowink no better how to feed Ingarisher hymisher guests and she use it she not knowink what iz in her fridge, I mean her ice box, because she not read too good.
Actually Moussa Assad, he insulted so much Azam, Azam Farahi s'iz Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, she just farshtayt nisht det he such how you say, a flyweight, he kent eat no more den drye spoonfuls fin chulent. So efter det she is also findink out he is havink affair mit her husband, and you know, all Gehennim is breakink loose, so Moussa'le, so Friedman, det shygetz, det idyot, he is becomink a tzioini all because he is engry from Azam. So sexadige dis Azam, mit her bedsheet even to cover der aygeloch, so I am understendink why Moussa so disappointed, but tzi geven a tzioini, det mean he go to Gehennim all fin der life, all over a love-trienkle!
And what about kiddush?
..You are wantink to know who is making kiddish and mit vus? Mahmoud, he let Ahron make far allemen, but Ismail, he is motzi us all mit a gless benzine. He say det he verkink on a new kind fin benzine det hiz hyliger suicide bombers ken trinkn and den dey setz demselves off. I say I am wantink to try dis for myne side business arsonizink old varehoizen in Sprink Velley but he say no, you blow yourself up too mit dis.
Thank you Ayatollah Ismail Daoud; I think we have heard enough from you for a while. See you after your next visit to Terroristan and we'll give you all the attention you deserve once again.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Who makes better cholent...
BS"D
Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, Rebbetzin Haniyeh 1, or Rebbetzin Haniyeh 2? Check back later as we discuss these and other crucial questions with Sheikh Yishmoel Daoud al-Beyda, also known as Yisroel Dovid Weiss, who has recently returned from a fiction finding mission to Gaza on behalf of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey!
Will Sheikh al-Beyda reveal the identity of the unnamed female? Come back later to find out - if he doesn't we will!
NEWSFLASH: We have been informed that Sheikha al-Beyda, the chador clad wife of our interviewee, has obtained all three recipes from her husband's erstwhile hosts and we hope to share them with you here as well!
Another Der Shygetz - Creedmoor Chronicles exclusive!
Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, Rebbetzin Haniyeh 1, or Rebbetzin Haniyeh 2? Check back later as we discuss these and other crucial questions with Sheikh Yishmoel Daoud al-Beyda, also known as Yisroel Dovid Weiss, who has recently returned from a fiction finding mission to Gaza on behalf of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey!
Will Sheikh al-Beyda reveal the identity of the unnamed female? Come back later to find out - if he doesn't we will!
NEWSFLASH: We have been informed that Sheikha al-Beyda, the chador clad wife of our interviewee, has obtained all three recipes from her husband's erstwhile hosts and we hope to share them with you here as well!
Another Der Shygetz - Creedmoor Chronicles exclusive!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)