BS"D
The Creedmoorer Center for Creative Bitul Zman in the Name of Destruction of the Tzioinish Entity (formerly known as the Rehabilitative Drama Center of Creedmoor) presents:
When Mohammed Meets Moishe!
Moishe, a London Ku Klux Kartel yingermann, faces the loss of his income due to the long awaited sentencing of his American shver on Ponzi scheme charges. Since the sentencing includes forfeiture, Moishe is faced with a choice: find easy money or do something productive with his life rather than spend all day in Speakers' Corner preaching how Judaism and Zionism are, as he says: "disproportionately opposed".
After consulting with his Kartel friends throughout the world, he fakes a car accident so as to be admitted to a hospital where he can be easily and successfully evaluated for permanent disability. His roommate in the hospital turns out to be Mohammed, a "student" from the Taliban controlled wilds of Pakistan who lost all four limbs in a harebrained attempt to blow up the Israeli embassy.
When Mohammed finds out his new roommate hates Zionism and Israel even more than he does, the two become fast friends. Moishe even shows Mohammed how to register each lost limb as a fully dead person so as to get four sets of death benefits and backdated life insurance along with his disability. Then, Moishe gets wealthy contributors to the Karta to pay for super high tech prostheses for Mohammed, and the two of them are not coincidentally released from the hospital on the same day. They end up sharing an apartment, because Moishe, realizing his wife can't provide him with a meal ticket anymore, is keeping her an agunah in order to get some of the hidden profits from the Ponzi scams her father had engaged in.
At first it seems as if fanatical, ignorant, violent Mohammed and conniving, venal Moishe make a great pair as Moishe shows Mohammed how to scam the dole, the NHS, and various charities including "The Secular Jewish Alliance For Aiding Our Murderous Enemies". However, Mohammed shows his true colors and makes it clear he hates all Jews, even Ku Klutz Karta members and other extreme anti-Zionists from the right and left. Moishe wises up, and concocts a plot to do away with Mohammed once and for all.
When Mohammed is asleep, Moishe packs his artificial limbs with explosives, and the next morning, after Mohammed has attached them, he tells Mohammed that they will go together to blow up the Israeli embassy. Instead, Moishe delivers Mohammed straight to the police, who of course arrest him for terror. Moishe receives yet another entitlement cheque, in the form of a Royal pension for life, and he goes back to his wife as well as to his shteller in Speakers' Corner, albeit on crutches so he can continue to claim disability and receive painkillers that he resells for quite a large markup.
Excerpts include:
"Mohammed'l, tell me, far what are you wanting 71 pretty brides? You are knowing how hard it is for me to deal with one shvigger? And you want 71? You think that's heaven? Where I come from, even my one shvigger is hell! Come with me tomorrow to sign up on the dole again, when we're up to 10 checks between us I'll buy you a BMW you can drive with your fake arms and legs and you'll see what heaven is!"
"Look, Mohammed, you like these arms? I had them make special for you with tattoos! The left, did they spell it right..." "WOW, Moishe, I wish all the Jews were like you! That says "Allahu Akbar!!" And the right says: "Death to Israel!"
Tickets are 11 food stamps per inch of waist size and are available at "Kanoim Kosher Cellulose Restaurant" and "Merotzchim Butchers" in Circular Square as well as in MegaMehadrin Incendiary Devices Market in Creedmoor.
The play is no longer available on DVD due to the latest pronunciation of the Va'ad haCharomim.
Showing posts with label ku klutz karta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ku klutz karta. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Who makes better cholent...
BS"D
Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, Rebbetzin Haniyeh 1, or Rebbetzin Haniyeh 2? Check back later as we discuss these and other crucial questions with Sheikh Yishmoel Daoud al-Beyda, also known as Yisroel Dovid Weiss, who has recently returned from a fiction finding mission to Gaza on behalf of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey!
Will Sheikh al-Beyda reveal the identity of the unnamed female? Come back later to find out - if he doesn't we will!
NEWSFLASH: We have been informed that Sheikha al-Beyda, the chador clad wife of our interviewee, has obtained all three recipes from her husband's erstwhile hosts and we hope to share them with you here as well!
Another Der Shygetz - Creedmoor Chronicles exclusive!
Rebbetzin Ahmadinejad, Rebbetzin Haniyeh 1, or Rebbetzin Haniyeh 2? Check back later as we discuss these and other crucial questions with Sheikh Yishmoel Daoud al-Beyda, also known as Yisroel Dovid Weiss, who has recently returned from a fiction finding mission to Gaza on behalf of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey!
Will Sheikh al-Beyda reveal the identity of the unnamed female? Come back later to find out - if he doesn't we will!
NEWSFLASH: We have been informed that Sheikha al-Beyda, the chador clad wife of our interviewee, has obtained all three recipes from her husband's erstwhile hosts and we hope to share them with you here as well!
Another Der Shygetz - Creedmoor Chronicles exclusive!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
"An Unidentified Female" member of the Ku Klutz Kartel konfab in Gaza..who is it?
BS"D
According to a radio host in the Zionist state, the fearsome foursome who visited Hamas in Gaza for Shabbos Cholosh (the rest of us call it Shabbos Chazak) included "an unidentified female".
Who is she? Why was she wearing a bekeshe and shtreimel according to all pictures including those transmitted to us by the Gaza bureau of Der Vochedige Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke?
We are attempting to ascertain the identity, including the correct gender blend, of said "female" and will report back as soon as we are able to fabricate an answer, which will take a bit longer than it takes der Admou'r meCreedmoor to fabricate a seven dollar food stamp...
According to a radio host in the Zionist state, the fearsome foursome who visited Hamas in Gaza for Shabbos Cholosh (the rest of us call it Shabbos Chazak) included "an unidentified female".
Who is she? Why was she wearing a bekeshe and shtreimel according to all pictures including those transmitted to us by the Gaza bureau of Der Vochedige Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke?
We are attempting to ascertain the identity, including the correct gender blend, of said "female" and will report back as soon as we are able to fabricate an answer, which will take a bit longer than it takes der Admou'r meCreedmoor to fabricate a seven dollar food stamp...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Bakooshe Nafshis fin Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Shlit"a
BS"D
"In celebration of my recent election victory I wish to complete my new Remote Control for my Nuclear Reactor which is of course for Peaceful Purposes Only. However, due to the increasing desire among the public for healthier food without artificial coloring, it is exceedingly difficult for us to obtain the red dyed pistachio shells which we must have to complete the red remote control buttons. We ask the public, and particularly our dear supporters from among the Neturei Karta who clearly have many nut shells available in all colors and with the proper haimishe halal certification, to please mail any red pistachio shells to our Great Satanic address as follows:"
Un-American Friends of the Destruction of the Zionist Entity
Creedmoorer Beis Medrash and Coin-op Money Laundry, Saddle River Road
Ir HaKodesh Monsey
Hymie State, The Great Satan Even When Ruled by Barack Hussein Obama, 10000
Thank you and may you be rewarded for your chessed with more and more nuts, as well as bolts and anything else you are missing in this world and the next.
Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Teheran, Iran
Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Creedmoor, Queens
"In celebration of my recent election victory I wish to complete my new Remote Control for my Nuclear Reactor which is of course for Peaceful Purposes Only. However, due to the increasing desire among the public for healthier food without artificial coloring, it is exceedingly difficult for us to obtain the red dyed pistachio shells which we must have to complete the red remote control buttons. We ask the public, and particularly our dear supporters from among the Neturei Karta who clearly have many nut shells available in all colors and with the proper haimishe halal certification, to please mail any red pistachio shells to our Great Satanic address as follows:"
Un-American Friends of the Destruction of the Zionist Entity
Creedmoorer Beis Medrash and Coin-op Money Laundry, Saddle River Road
Ir HaKodesh Monsey
Hymie State, The Great Satan Even When Ruled by Barack Hussein Obama, 10000
Thank you and may you be rewarded for your chessed with more and more nuts, as well as bolts and anything else you are missing in this world and the next.
Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Teheran, Iran
Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Creedmoor, Queens
Cohen: My segeela got Mahmoud the election
BS"D
Interviewed in his Manchester congregation "Khal Uber u'Botul", Rabbi Aharon Cohen, Ambassador to Iran on behalf of the Independent Republic of Baseless Hatred and Extreme anti-Zionism of Creedmoor, revealed his secret segeela which he claims was the reason for the success of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the recent Iranian elections:
"I give to Mahmoud zeyr spetzial a segeela! I mach far em tefillin mit der verses fin der Koran inside. From where I am gettink dem? Fin myne chaver Mohammed's a cab, he keeps dem on hiz deshboard for good luck. I see what Mohammed is managink to charge me triple for a short ride fin myne home to myne basement every day and it must be a gitte segile!"
Cohen is forced to take a cab from his own home to his own basement (accessible only from the rear entrance) due to his increasing age, long since encroached senility, and his fear of being bombarded with a quantity of eggs sufficient to feed the entire Royal Navy.
His faithful driver, Mohammed, is a native of Baluchistan and a member of "British Friends of the Taliban".
Interviewed in his Manchester congregation "Khal Uber u'Botul", Rabbi Aharon Cohen, Ambassador to Iran on behalf of the Independent Republic of Baseless Hatred and Extreme anti-Zionism of Creedmoor, revealed his secret segeela which he claims was the reason for the success of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the recent Iranian elections:
"I give to Mahmoud zeyr spetzial a segeela! I mach far em tefillin mit der verses fin der Koran inside. From where I am gettink dem? Fin myne chaver Mohammed's a cab, he keeps dem on hiz deshboard for good luck. I see what Mohammed is managink to charge me triple for a short ride fin myne home to myne basement every day and it must be a gitte segile!"
Cohen is forced to take a cab from his own home to his own basement (accessible only from the rear entrance) due to his increasing age, long since encroached senility, and his fear of being bombarded with a quantity of eggs sufficient to feed the entire Royal Navy.
His faithful driver, Mohammed, is a native of Baluchistan and a member of "British Friends of the Taliban".
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Heeeee'z Back - Ahron Cohen, ShaDaR of the Creedmoorer, is in Teheran
BS"D
Ahron Cohen, the Manchester Disunited shada"r (schmegegge, degenerate, rosho) of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, who is known as the Szarkonosvary Rov, is back in Teheran.
For those who need some background:
Ahron Cohen, the Manchester Disunited shada"r (schmegegge, degenerate, rosho) of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, who is known as the Szarkonosvary Rov, is back in Teheran.
While his mentor and leader, the Creedmoorer, had to leave early for insurance purposes, the hollowed and desalted Szarkonosvary Rov is in Teheran calling for people to boycott products which are not "noki mechashash tumas haTzioinus".
Cohen is also set to become Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's third wife, after his divorce from the now penitent M.A.F. which was indeed arranged by a beis din consisting of Cohen, the Creedmoorer and Ayatollah Khamenei, the Chief Rabbi of Shiite Islam whose smicha is as good as that of the other two.
For those who need some background:
We are compelled to present part three of the fascinating tale of how this great leader of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Karta managed to lift himself from the isolation and dullness of his native Szarkonosvary, via Creedmoor and a similar institution of higher psychiatric treatment in the UK, to reach his present and inglorious depths.
More coming this week...
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