BS"D
The conversion process was easy. Three full laps in the Creedmoorer mikveh using a flotation device painted in the colors of the Palestinian flag, while shouting Shygetz Aross and Down With Zionism comprised the aquatic component, and burning a kerosene soaked flag in one of the few remaining and heavily insured vacant buildings on the Creedmoor complex marked the incendiary component. Earth was represented by the Creedmoor Shma, the words of which are "Herst di! Herzl mit Ben Gurion zenen tiff, tiff in der erd," and wind was represented by well, passing wind.
And Klara, now duly registered as the recipient of Section 8, SSI, disability and social security, as well as food stamps and emergency heating aid all in care of the Admou"r, took the very fitting name of Cholerye.
She also commented on the disarray and dirtiness of the Creedmoor compound, in turn compounded by the latest heap of heavily insured ashes, and offered to clean it free of charge, so long as she could make a movie of her work and attract investors to invest in rights to distribution of the movie.
The first investor was Rabbi David Schmoigerman, who took what he thought was the lion's share of eighty-five per cent. Little did he know, or truly care, that his new Chassidiste was about to sell thirty-six thousand per cent of what she billed as "the first kosher skin flick".
Meanwhile, Cholerye was planning to become Rebbetzin Cholerye Groszgrub, who would rival the Rebbetzins Izevel Tzoiah Yachne and Lilac Blossom Prunepit Schmoigerman when it came to standing behind and supporting a devious and avaricious husband in his many schemes and machinations and avoidance of making so much as one honest penny.
(Part 5 coming soon)
Showing posts with label phoney geirus scams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label phoney geirus scams. Show all posts
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - Part 3 - Klara Must Convert!
BS"D
Reb Mechel laid down the law to Klara: Unless she converted to Judaism, he would no longer be able to accept her purloined goods, and he would also be compelled to report her to the police as they were on his tail. Since he was not able to moiser a Jew, her conversion would mean that he would just make up names like "Ricardo Rodriguez" (with an address matching that of one of his vacancy tenants) when asked where his stolen merchandise came from.
Knowing that Klara was in no way able to accept any religion which had "Loi Signoiv" among its commandments, he recommended that she convert only via the Admou"r meCreedmoor, whose conversions were in turn recognized by "the very strictest stream of ultra-Orthodox Judaism". Of course that referred only to the rump Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey and Manchester, which accepted conversions based only on witnesses having seen the convert burn the Zionist flag and yell "Shygetz Aross" at counter-demonstrators.
Klara had no problem accepting an appointment to meet Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman in his Olympic sized conversion mikve on the grounds of the D-ward Creedmoorer complex. She also had no problem accepting the rather unusual requirements of a Creedmoorer geirus ve'mamzeirus.
(more coming later today).
Reb Mechel laid down the law to Klara: Unless she converted to Judaism, he would no longer be able to accept her purloined goods, and he would also be compelled to report her to the police as they were on his tail. Since he was not able to moiser a Jew, her conversion would mean that he would just make up names like "Ricardo Rodriguez" (with an address matching that of one of his vacancy tenants) when asked where his stolen merchandise came from.
Knowing that Klara was in no way able to accept any religion which had "Loi Signoiv" among its commandments, he recommended that she convert only via the Admou"r meCreedmoor, whose conversions were in turn recognized by "the very strictest stream of ultra-Orthodox Judaism". Of course that referred only to the rump Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey and Manchester, which accepted conversions based only on witnesses having seen the convert burn the Zionist flag and yell "Shygetz Aross" at counter-demonstrators.
Klara had no problem accepting an appointment to meet Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman in his Olympic sized conversion mikve on the grounds of the D-ward Creedmoorer complex. She also had no problem accepting the rather unusual requirements of a Creedmoorer geirus ve'mamzeirus.
(more coming later today).
Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor, Part 2 - Reb Mechel Groszgrub
BS"D
Klara Kosinska sold her purloined silver via Mechel Groszgrub, a bent, round little man who had an odd looking picture up on the wall of his small, dirty Borough Park jewelry, silver and gem store.
Not one piece of merchandise in the Groszgrub store was of legitimate origin, and that could be chalked up to the proprietor's devotion to the man in the picture. The subject of the photograph, certainly among the eighty tzaddikim who were the subject of talk in many a mikveh and on Purim, was wearing an orange trash bag over his red silk dress, and a tin foil on his head.
Yes, Mechel Groszgrub was one of perhaps three or four actual, non-phantom followers of the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor, and at present the only one who did not reside on either the Creedmoor or Alcatraz campus of the Creedmoorer yeshiva and related enterprises.
Groszgrub had actually been prosecuted no fewer than ten times for arson and insurance fraud, and each time he managed to produce legitimate diagnoses of pyromania, which meant that in the liberal atmosphere of the New York and Federal courts of law, he could be sentenced only to restitution and psychiatric counseling. Restitution was indeed duly paid by Reb Mechel, from the proceeds of welfare and section 8 scams in which payments were issued to him under the names of his tenants. Those phantom tenants were registered as living in uninhabitable apartments which were actually kept vacant and warehoused in his rows and rows of slum apartments in the roughest parts of Brooklyn and the Bronx. That in turn allowed him access to many renovation loans from Government agencies which he took via phantom companies that were bankrupted a few months after loan proceeds reached their accounts.
He had even accepted a sentence of six months of inpatient treatment in the hallowed and also largely vacant halls of Pilgrim State Psychiatric Hospital, where he nearly was able to establish a Chassidic court to rival that of Creedmoor, so brazen and successful were his Medicaid, welfare and medical billing scams.
Groszgrub was actually very jealous of his supposed Rebbe, and found in his best supplier, Klara Kosinzka, a possible way to not only surpass the Admou"r but also to defraud him. If Groszgrub would prove able to defraud Schmoigerman, it would be only a matter of time before all 150 quintillion phantom Chassidim of the Admou"r would follow him instead.
Now, with Klara on his side, Reb Mechel was sure he could become the greatest of phantom Admou"rim overnight. However, the first obstacle was that Klara had to become his Rebbetzin, and for this she needed conversion to Judaism, Creedmoor style.
Klara Kosinska sold her purloined silver via Mechel Groszgrub, a bent, round little man who had an odd looking picture up on the wall of his small, dirty Borough Park jewelry, silver and gem store.
Not one piece of merchandise in the Groszgrub store was of legitimate origin, and that could be chalked up to the proprietor's devotion to the man in the picture. The subject of the photograph, certainly among the eighty tzaddikim who were the subject of talk in many a mikveh and on Purim, was wearing an orange trash bag over his red silk dress, and a tin foil on his head.
Yes, Mechel Groszgrub was one of perhaps three or four actual, non-phantom followers of the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor, and at present the only one who did not reside on either the Creedmoor or Alcatraz campus of the Creedmoorer yeshiva and related enterprises.
Groszgrub had actually been prosecuted no fewer than ten times for arson and insurance fraud, and each time he managed to produce legitimate diagnoses of pyromania, which meant that in the liberal atmosphere of the New York and Federal courts of law, he could be sentenced only to restitution and psychiatric counseling. Restitution was indeed duly paid by Reb Mechel, from the proceeds of welfare and section 8 scams in which payments were issued to him under the names of his tenants. Those phantom tenants were registered as living in uninhabitable apartments which were actually kept vacant and warehoused in his rows and rows of slum apartments in the roughest parts of Brooklyn and the Bronx. That in turn allowed him access to many renovation loans from Government agencies which he took via phantom companies that were bankrupted a few months after loan proceeds reached their accounts.
He had even accepted a sentence of six months of inpatient treatment in the hallowed and also largely vacant halls of Pilgrim State Psychiatric Hospital, where he nearly was able to establish a Chassidic court to rival that of Creedmoor, so brazen and successful were his Medicaid, welfare and medical billing scams.
Groszgrub was actually very jealous of his supposed Rebbe, and found in his best supplier, Klara Kosinzka, a possible way to not only surpass the Admou"r but also to defraud him. If Groszgrub would prove able to defraud Schmoigerman, it would be only a matter of time before all 150 quintillion phantom Chassidim of the Admou"r would follow him instead.
Now, with Klara on his side, Reb Mechel was sure he could become the greatest of phantom Admou"rim overnight. However, the first obstacle was that Klara had to become his Rebbetzin, and for this she needed conversion to Judaism, Creedmoor style.
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