Mohammed Abd ul-Jamhariya ul-Karime* Werczberger, (sometimes spelled Muhammad, Mohammad, Muhamad, or even Mehmet or Mahmoud, with his surname being rendered as Wercberger, Wircberger, Wertzberger, or even Weinberger or Whank(berg)er for that matter if another cheque needed to be issued to another bureaucrat so he would participate in and therefore overlook the devious machinations of the Schmoigerman fraud empire), is a typical, average, undistinguished student in the Yeshiva Ktana Pesha veResha elementary school system of the Creedmoorer communities.
That is to say, he does not exist in the flesh or in any other place, time, planet or dimension except on the welfare, Medicaid, SSI, and disability rolls of the US Federal Government and as the child of one or more recipients of Section 8 and heating assistance.
So, when little Mohammed needs a checkup in order to get prescription drugs, or medical equipment, or SSI, or disability, or anything that can be given to a physically, developmentally, mentally and existentially deficient young lad, his medical diagnosis, to say nothing of his height and weight, changes at will.
Last winter, the Admou'r needed hundreds of doses of human growth hormone for his illegal online pharmacy, SchmoigerDrug (known colloquially as SchmatteDreck). Of course, he made those hundreds into thousands by diluting the bit of legitimate hormone he obtained with vinegar and liquefied galle, but he did have to get at least some actual medication to begin with.
So, young Mohammed was duly reported by ten different Medicaid clinics as weighing 50 lbs and standing a mere three feet tall at the age of eleven.
And when the Admou'r's orders for diet pills increased for the Pesach eating season, Mohammed suddenly gained weight to tip the phantom scales at a colossal, veritably ursine if not bovine, 200 pounds at a less than towering 4 feet of height.
The Admou'r has an order for electric chairs from some Nigerian prince? No problem. Mohammed was duly diagnosed as a hopeless quadriplegic (after an accident in which he fell off the face of the Earth where he had never been seen in any event), in need of eleven electric wheelchairs for each spelling of his name because he suffered from Tourette's and personality disorders that caused him to wreck every last chair he received......
But now was the time for the ultimate. The Schmoigerman Flu.
For Yoim HaAtzamois had arrived and the grand Admou"r had no intention of using any of his present cash reserves to fund celebrations that would burn throughout the galaxy....
(part 2 coming on Sunday)
* Servant of the Generous Government
