Preview: Der Admou"r Becomes an EnvironMentalist.

BS"D

Among the other chidushim we heard at the Yahrtzeit Tish was a lengthy speech in which der Admou"r sheyirfash spoke about global warming and the need to recycle.

Considering the amount of plastic and tin foil used by the nearly 200 quintillion known and duly registered Creedmoorer Chassidim, the spurious revenues accruing to the Admou'r for recycling this waste (or somehow proving that he has collected it for recycling) are astounding.

Add to that the noxious and ozone deforming gases produced by burning down the number of buildings that the Admou"r and his Chassidim claim to incinerate every hour on the hour, and the potential for abuse of worldwide environmental laws reaches truly Creedmoorian proportions.

So how is the Admou"r managing to profit from both recycling AND creating huge amounts of pollution?

More coming soon.....

Here's What's Coming Up! Mishenichnas Adar Marbim beCreedmoor!

BS"D

So, what do we have coming before Shabbos:

So far:

1) A full shiur on Hilchos Mishmeres HaTznius - the Halachas of Modesty Patrols!

From the proper choice of detergents, bleaches, acids, vegetables and syrups to exact measurements of proper forms of dress, only der Admou"r has the answers. And of course he explains just who should pay for the services of the Mishmeres, and how to give him his cut..........

2) Der Admou"r meCreedmoor Sues Hungary in the Hague! Compensation demanded for the crimes of Attila the Hun......lawsuit linked to shady rabbi in Queens and possible backing for an illegal and highly implausible investment scheme...

Ponzi? Pfff... Madoff? Move aside! Der Admou"r combines a frivolous lawsuit which he manages to file only thanks to liberal drug laws in Holland (hint - ever try hash kokosh cake?), with an investment scheme to cook up the best international fraud scheme ever.

The rest fin der (Be)Hymishe Shidduch Kvestiyonaire

4) From velcher yeshivos or seminaries heve you lernt or expelled geven?

a) I lernt in Toyre VeYiro (US)/Byse Ruchel

b) Fin UTJ oder Byse Ruchel ich bin expelled geven

c) Fin Toire VeSkilo (Moishe Hirsch)/Byse Yachne I lernt until Hirsch mir oisgevarft far'n not sharing mit em der proceeds fin myne brillyanten-schmugglink. (Alternate: In Otisville lern ich).

5) From who is your father havink smicha?

a) Satmar

b) Dushinsky or Toildois Aharoin

c) Reb Sholam Weiss

6) From what is your opinion on der Tzioinim Independence Day

a) Not worth from thinking about

b) Ich bren der fleg yenner 5 Iyar

c) Ich bren der fleg yenner 5 Iyar in myne tatte's a warehouse mit der gas offent.

7) To what music you are listenink?

a) MBD, Shwekey, Fried, Lipa

b) Schnitzler, Schmeltzer, Schvartz, eppes Reb Yontel Ehrlich

c) Der Netury Karta choir zingt Hashym Hee Malkynee in dos is alle!

8) Hob dir Internet in shtib?

a) Nyne

b) Tatty hot Internet in der office in ich surf a bissele

c) Nor far "NKORG.usa" in "NKORG.uk"

Now, look please to see what is you hevink. Far every A 1 point, far yedder B 5 points, far yedder C 10 punkt.

You are hevink 1 - 10 punkt total: You are a git bucher oider mydel fin Willy oder Monroe. Gye avek fin dis site.

You are heving 10 - 50 punkt total: Far dir is eppes a shiddich in Eretz Yisroel, mitten Toldos Aharoin oder Dushinsky.

You are hevink 50 - 80 punkt total: You are eppes already married to one of the fake Creedmoorer personelities far'n purposes of collecting a bissel welfare

You are heving mehr fin 80 punkt total: Di bist an emmesidger Creedmoorer. You are havink more points than is possible far dis questionnaire. Nisht schlecht.

Urgent Request!

Rachmones cases bnei rachmones cases:

We are very sad to announce that over 19,000,000 of the Admour's multiple personalities are about to be stricken from the welfare rolls of the state of Alaska. Apparently, the Alaskan authorities are suspicious of the fact that they have more welfare recipients than the entire known population of the state, including salmon, grizzly bears and the occasional polar bear. In addition, "Blimi Werczberger-Schmoigerman" and "Joel Feketeszar", to name just two examples, do not seem to be authentic Alaskan names. All protests that these are ancestral Inuit names spelled in Mandarin fashion are falling on deaf ears, and the authorities are about to persecute the perpetrator of these supposedly unauthentic welfare registrations.

So, we are asking all supporters, moral, athletic, and otherwise, of the Creedmoorer chassidus, to please recite 80 names from page 90 of your local phone book, followed by 90 names from page 80 of said book, 170 times while standing on your heads. The heiligkeit of the gematria pay tzaddik is very well known, and in the zechis of this hyliger gematriya, we know that all of these names will remain on the welfare rolls at least until the Admou"r manages to figure out that Inuit and Ingarish are two different languages.