BS"D
"Make a skin flick for frimme oisvorfen" was Reb Mechel's advice to his soon to be Rebbetzin, Cholerye Kosinska. "All you iz needink to do iz to show a skirt above der kneez, elbowz exposed end high heelz mit an open toe"!
Needless to say, Reb Mechel Groszberg failed to take into account that such a silly comedy, shot with poor equipment as Cholerye planned, could only be shown on the Internet, where no revenue was possible except for a few Google ads. That did not stop even him from purchasing another eighty-five per cent of the new film, which was now subscribed for 36,000 shares of one per cent each.
The film was made, and Cholerye starred by scrubbing hard and fast, cleaning the entire Creedmoor compound with strong bleach and making it shine with floor wax.
And an amazing thing happened:
Maria Osiolzka, the director of Maria's Maids, and one of the investors, immediately realized that it would be a fine training film for Polish cleaning ladies working in Jewish homes, especially at peak Pesach time. Therefore, she got a video production company to put the film on disk with Polish subtitles, and paid Cholerye $500 for the privilege. As the lighting was very poor and no one could see any of Cholerye's exposed skin, the esteemed director of Beis Frimme d'Kanoim purchased rights to the film in Yiddish for another $500, for use in her advanced seminary where girls were taught how to clean homes and cook and not much else of practical use.
Now, the film had made a profit of $1000 as it had cost nothing to shoot, the camera and cleaning supplies and even Cholerye's outfit all having been duly stolen from well known Borough Park stores. That meant that Cholerye had to divide 36500% of $1000 among her investors. She did not have this kind of money, even in stolen silver. No, Cholerye would not have major losses that would prevent her giving a return on her investors' money and food stamps. She actually had to pay out.
Cholerye had therefore just become a major liability for Reb Mechel Groszgrub, who could not marry her as she was now being chased by half of the same people whose stolen silver and rings sat in his shop for resale.
That left Cholerye with one option. Confess all to the Admou'r meCreedmoor in the hope he would need a third Rebbetzin.
After she confessed to her scheme, the Admou"r simply assigned a few more crimes to Cholerye by showing that she herself had applied for welfare as an illegal alien with assets when in reality all checks were going to the Admou"r.
The Admou"r was of course unarrestable, but such was not the case with Cholerye, who now faces deportation after she finishes her five year sentence for theft and fraud.
Fortunately, the Admou"r never found out that Mechel Groszgrub was behind the whole scam. But to be sure, he transferred the Kosinska welfare checks to the name Mechel Groszgrub at his own Creedmoor address. This way, if his Chossid dared to challenge him for the Rebbeschaft, he, too, would be deported straight back to Beedapesht. In addition, the Admou'r's becher collection increased by 100 units when a masked robber entered the Groszgrub store and relieved the proprietor of 120 bechers, 20 as his own fee and 100 for the Admou"r.
Score: Creedmoor 10, Kosinska -1000, Groszgrub -10
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Part 4 - Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - Klara becomes Cholerye...
BS"D
The conversion process was easy. Three full laps in the Creedmoorer mikveh using a flotation device painted in the colors of the Palestinian flag, while shouting Shygetz Aross and Down With Zionism comprised the aquatic component, and burning a kerosene soaked flag in one of the few remaining and heavily insured vacant buildings on the Creedmoor complex marked the incendiary component. Earth was represented by the Creedmoor Shma, the words of which are "Herst di! Herzl mit Ben Gurion zenen tiff, tiff in der erd," and wind was represented by well, passing wind.
And Klara, now duly registered as the recipient of Section 8, SSI, disability and social security, as well as food stamps and emergency heating aid all in care of the Admou"r, took the very fitting name of Cholerye.
She also commented on the disarray and dirtiness of the Creedmoor compound, in turn compounded by the latest heap of heavily insured ashes, and offered to clean it free of charge, so long as she could make a movie of her work and attract investors to invest in rights to distribution of the movie.
The first investor was Rabbi David Schmoigerman, who took what he thought was the lion's share of eighty-five per cent. Little did he know, or truly care, that his new Chassidiste was about to sell thirty-six thousand per cent of what she billed as "the first kosher skin flick".
Meanwhile, Cholerye was planning to become Rebbetzin Cholerye Groszgrub, who would rival the Rebbetzins Izevel Tzoiah Yachne and Lilac Blossom Prunepit Schmoigerman when it came to standing behind and supporting a devious and avaricious husband in his many schemes and machinations and avoidance of making so much as one honest penny.
(Part 5 coming soon)
The conversion process was easy. Three full laps in the Creedmoorer mikveh using a flotation device painted in the colors of the Palestinian flag, while shouting Shygetz Aross and Down With Zionism comprised the aquatic component, and burning a kerosene soaked flag in one of the few remaining and heavily insured vacant buildings on the Creedmoor complex marked the incendiary component. Earth was represented by the Creedmoor Shma, the words of which are "Herst di! Herzl mit Ben Gurion zenen tiff, tiff in der erd," and wind was represented by well, passing wind.
And Klara, now duly registered as the recipient of Section 8, SSI, disability and social security, as well as food stamps and emergency heating aid all in care of the Admou"r, took the very fitting name of Cholerye.
She also commented on the disarray and dirtiness of the Creedmoor compound, in turn compounded by the latest heap of heavily insured ashes, and offered to clean it free of charge, so long as she could make a movie of her work and attract investors to invest in rights to distribution of the movie.
The first investor was Rabbi David Schmoigerman, who took what he thought was the lion's share of eighty-five per cent. Little did he know, or truly care, that his new Chassidiste was about to sell thirty-six thousand per cent of what she billed as "the first kosher skin flick".
Meanwhile, Cholerye was planning to become Rebbetzin Cholerye Groszgrub, who would rival the Rebbetzins Izevel Tzoiah Yachne and Lilac Blossom Prunepit Schmoigerman when it came to standing behind and supporting a devious and avaricious husband in his many schemes and machinations and avoidance of making so much as one honest penny.
(Part 5 coming soon)
Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - Part 3 - Klara Must Convert!
BS"D
Reb Mechel laid down the law to Klara: Unless she converted to Judaism, he would no longer be able to accept her purloined goods, and he would also be compelled to report her to the police as they were on his tail. Since he was not able to moiser a Jew, her conversion would mean that he would just make up names like "Ricardo Rodriguez" (with an address matching that of one of his vacancy tenants) when asked where his stolen merchandise came from.
Knowing that Klara was in no way able to accept any religion which had "Loi Signoiv" among its commandments, he recommended that she convert only via the Admou"r meCreedmoor, whose conversions were in turn recognized by "the very strictest stream of ultra-Orthodox Judaism". Of course that referred only to the rump Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey and Manchester, which accepted conversions based only on witnesses having seen the convert burn the Zionist flag and yell "Shygetz Aross" at counter-demonstrators.
Klara had no problem accepting an appointment to meet Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman in his Olympic sized conversion mikve on the grounds of the D-ward Creedmoorer complex. She also had no problem accepting the rather unusual requirements of a Creedmoorer geirus ve'mamzeirus.
(more coming later today).
Reb Mechel laid down the law to Klara: Unless she converted to Judaism, he would no longer be able to accept her purloined goods, and he would also be compelled to report her to the police as they were on his tail. Since he was not able to moiser a Jew, her conversion would mean that he would just make up names like "Ricardo Rodriguez" (with an address matching that of one of his vacancy tenants) when asked where his stolen merchandise came from.
Knowing that Klara was in no way able to accept any religion which had "Loi Signoiv" among its commandments, he recommended that she convert only via the Admou"r meCreedmoor, whose conversions were in turn recognized by "the very strictest stream of ultra-Orthodox Judaism". Of course that referred only to the rump Ku Klutz Kartel of Monsey and Manchester, which accepted conversions based only on witnesses having seen the convert burn the Zionist flag and yell "Shygetz Aross" at counter-demonstrators.
Klara had no problem accepting an appointment to meet Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman in his Olympic sized conversion mikve on the grounds of the D-ward Creedmoorer complex. She also had no problem accepting the rather unusual requirements of a Creedmoorer geirus ve'mamzeirus.
(more coming later today).
Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor, Part 2 - Reb Mechel Groszgrub
BS"D
Klara Kosinska sold her purloined silver via Mechel Groszgrub, a bent, round little man who had an odd looking picture up on the wall of his small, dirty Borough Park jewelry, silver and gem store.
Not one piece of merchandise in the Groszgrub store was of legitimate origin, and that could be chalked up to the proprietor's devotion to the man in the picture. The subject of the photograph, certainly among the eighty tzaddikim who were the subject of talk in many a mikveh and on Purim, was wearing an orange trash bag over his red silk dress, and a tin foil on his head.
Yes, Mechel Groszgrub was one of perhaps three or four actual, non-phantom followers of the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor, and at present the only one who did not reside on either the Creedmoor or Alcatraz campus of the Creedmoorer yeshiva and related enterprises.
Groszgrub had actually been prosecuted no fewer than ten times for arson and insurance fraud, and each time he managed to produce legitimate diagnoses of pyromania, which meant that in the liberal atmosphere of the New York and Federal courts of law, he could be sentenced only to restitution and psychiatric counseling. Restitution was indeed duly paid by Reb Mechel, from the proceeds of welfare and section 8 scams in which payments were issued to him under the names of his tenants. Those phantom tenants were registered as living in uninhabitable apartments which were actually kept vacant and warehoused in his rows and rows of slum apartments in the roughest parts of Brooklyn and the Bronx. That in turn allowed him access to many renovation loans from Government agencies which he took via phantom companies that were bankrupted a few months after loan proceeds reached their accounts.
He had even accepted a sentence of six months of inpatient treatment in the hallowed and also largely vacant halls of Pilgrim State Psychiatric Hospital, where he nearly was able to establish a Chassidic court to rival that of Creedmoor, so brazen and successful were his Medicaid, welfare and medical billing scams.
Groszgrub was actually very jealous of his supposed Rebbe, and found in his best supplier, Klara Kosinzka, a possible way to not only surpass the Admou"r but also to defraud him. If Groszgrub would prove able to defraud Schmoigerman, it would be only a matter of time before all 150 quintillion phantom Chassidim of the Admou"r would follow him instead.
Now, with Klara on his side, Reb Mechel was sure he could become the greatest of phantom Admou"rim overnight. However, the first obstacle was that Klara had to become his Rebbetzin, and for this she needed conversion to Judaism, Creedmoor style.
Klara Kosinska sold her purloined silver via Mechel Groszgrub, a bent, round little man who had an odd looking picture up on the wall of his small, dirty Borough Park jewelry, silver and gem store.
Not one piece of merchandise in the Groszgrub store was of legitimate origin, and that could be chalked up to the proprietor's devotion to the man in the picture. The subject of the photograph, certainly among the eighty tzaddikim who were the subject of talk in many a mikveh and on Purim, was wearing an orange trash bag over his red silk dress, and a tin foil on his head.
Yes, Mechel Groszgrub was one of perhaps three or four actual, non-phantom followers of the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor, and at present the only one who did not reside on either the Creedmoor or Alcatraz campus of the Creedmoorer yeshiva and related enterprises.
Groszgrub had actually been prosecuted no fewer than ten times for arson and insurance fraud, and each time he managed to produce legitimate diagnoses of pyromania, which meant that in the liberal atmosphere of the New York and Federal courts of law, he could be sentenced only to restitution and psychiatric counseling. Restitution was indeed duly paid by Reb Mechel, from the proceeds of welfare and section 8 scams in which payments were issued to him under the names of his tenants. Those phantom tenants were registered as living in uninhabitable apartments which were actually kept vacant and warehoused in his rows and rows of slum apartments in the roughest parts of Brooklyn and the Bronx. That in turn allowed him access to many renovation loans from Government agencies which he took via phantom companies that were bankrupted a few months after loan proceeds reached their accounts.
He had even accepted a sentence of six months of inpatient treatment in the hallowed and also largely vacant halls of Pilgrim State Psychiatric Hospital, where he nearly was able to establish a Chassidic court to rival that of Creedmoor, so brazen and successful were his Medicaid, welfare and medical billing scams.
Groszgrub was actually very jealous of his supposed Rebbe, and found in his best supplier, Klara Kosinzka, a possible way to not only surpass the Admou"r but also to defraud him. If Groszgrub would prove able to defraud Schmoigerman, it would be only a matter of time before all 150 quintillion phantom Chassidim of the Admou"r would follow him instead.
Now, with Klara on his side, Reb Mechel was sure he could become the greatest of phantom Admou"rim overnight. However, the first obstacle was that Klara had to become his Rebbetzin, and for this she needed conversion to Judaism, Creedmoor style.
Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - Part 1, Klara, Queen of Gownolec
BS"D
Clara, or more correctly Klara, Kosinska, was born and grew up in a little village called Gownolec, located about thirty kilometers from Cracow. To this day, Gownolec remains as forlorn and backward as it had been going back to the very days of its establishment by Count Gowniski, a renegade reprobate who basically invited the least favored peasants in Poland to work the land as his slaves.
A forerunner of Creedmoor, the Count would demand 125% of all crops raised in Gownolec as tribute from each peasant, and when this of course could not be paid, he would throw at least one family member into a dungeon where the debtor was compelled to work day and night making defective horseshoes that the Count would sell at a very high profit. When the horse wearing a "Gowno" horseshoe would break a leg, the Count would volunteer to slaughter and dispose of the steed, promising and never delivering a new mount in his place. That in turn often forced the customer into debt, and into residence at Gownolec, where the count had several enterprising ways of making his victims think they were working off their debts. Of course, all the Gownolec residents were doing was providing the Count with free indentured labor.
It was said that Klara was actually a descendant of this Count and not of the simple Gownolec peasants. Even during Communist times she ran several scams which in essence enslaved her neighbors, and she was always protected by the bribes she was able to give to the Communist authorities.
However, Gownolec was a tiny town, and she searched for greater opportunities. As soon as Communism fell, she knew she had to make her way to America, where so many of her sisters now worked as cleaning ladies for the despised Jews whom they had persecuted for generations. And many of these cleaning ladies actually prospered, some by true hard work and the occasional rogue by dint of theft of jewelry, silver and other valuables from their often prosperous employers.
Klara arrived in Brooklyn, and quickly joined the latter cohort. She claimed she was ready to undertake any task, even at the last moment before Shabbos and Yom Tov. And she did work hard, leaving the home spotless - and devoid of quite a few bechers, lechters and other valuables. As she chose only the most prosperous employers, the defalcations were often not noticed for weeks, and since she never returned or gave her proper name to any given employer, little could be done to prosecute her. Since these sophisticated balabustes had insured their silver, and Klara knew better than to steal heirlooms, they were hardly inclined to seek prosecution or even try to discover who had stolen their silver. At best, Klara's victims obtained required police reports for the sake of legitimate insurance collection and never bothered following up with the police as even had they not received their insurance, the loss meant little to them.
Klara succeeded in using her ill gotten gains to open a beauty salon and Polish restaurant in Brooklyn, which she staffed with fellow Gownolec immigrants and ran in Old Gownolec fashion. The enterprises succeeded, but she would simply fire each new employee a day before pay was due and then lend them money at 140% annual interest. Unable to pay, they would be rehired without salary to repay the debt.
However, she knew that America was not Poland. Moreover, Klara realized that one of the homes she had cleaned and relieved of over twenty thousand dollars worth of jewelry belonged to a woman whose husband had immense political contacts. Therefore, she knew she had to lay low for a while.
Being too ambitious and avaricious to ever stop earning money in Count Gowniski fashion, she soon found out about the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor and decided that she had to convert to Judaism under his auspices. After all, no one, Jewish or gentile, except perhaps Bernard Madoff or Sholam Weiss, embodied the spirit of Gownolec and its founder more than the great Admou"r.
(NB: For those who recognize the word Gowno/Gowniski/Gownolec as being similar to its Russian cognate, and therefore scatological in meaning, it should be noted that researchers are unsure as to whether the Count was given the name Gowniski in recognition of the quality of his horseshoes, or whether the word entered the language because of the nature of the Count and his enterprises. This is similar to the debate surrounding the theory of the origin of the word Dreck as being a mispronunciation of the surname of Fat Ralphie, ne Rafael, Dweck, a reprobate Syrian Jewish fence and dealer in shoddy merchandise amidst the mostly Ashkenazi community in the Lower East Side of old).
Clara, or more correctly Klara, Kosinska, was born and grew up in a little village called Gownolec, located about thirty kilometers from Cracow. To this day, Gownolec remains as forlorn and backward as it had been going back to the very days of its establishment by Count Gowniski, a renegade reprobate who basically invited the least favored peasants in Poland to work the land as his slaves.
A forerunner of Creedmoor, the Count would demand 125% of all crops raised in Gownolec as tribute from each peasant, and when this of course could not be paid, he would throw at least one family member into a dungeon where the debtor was compelled to work day and night making defective horseshoes that the Count would sell at a very high profit. When the horse wearing a "Gowno" horseshoe would break a leg, the Count would volunteer to slaughter and dispose of the steed, promising and never delivering a new mount in his place. That in turn often forced the customer into debt, and into residence at Gownolec, where the count had several enterprising ways of making his victims think they were working off their debts. Of course, all the Gownolec residents were doing was providing the Count with free indentured labor.
It was said that Klara was actually a descendant of this Count and not of the simple Gownolec peasants. Even during Communist times she ran several scams which in essence enslaved her neighbors, and she was always protected by the bribes she was able to give to the Communist authorities.
However, Gownolec was a tiny town, and she searched for greater opportunities. As soon as Communism fell, she knew she had to make her way to America, where so many of her sisters now worked as cleaning ladies for the despised Jews whom they had persecuted for generations. And many of these cleaning ladies actually prospered, some by true hard work and the occasional rogue by dint of theft of jewelry, silver and other valuables from their often prosperous employers.
Klara arrived in Brooklyn, and quickly joined the latter cohort. She claimed she was ready to undertake any task, even at the last moment before Shabbos and Yom Tov. And she did work hard, leaving the home spotless - and devoid of quite a few bechers, lechters and other valuables. As she chose only the most prosperous employers, the defalcations were often not noticed for weeks, and since she never returned or gave her proper name to any given employer, little could be done to prosecute her. Since these sophisticated balabustes had insured their silver, and Klara knew better than to steal heirlooms, they were hardly inclined to seek prosecution or even try to discover who had stolen their silver. At best, Klara's victims obtained required police reports for the sake of legitimate insurance collection and never bothered following up with the police as even had they not received their insurance, the loss meant little to them.
Klara succeeded in using her ill gotten gains to open a beauty salon and Polish restaurant in Brooklyn, which she staffed with fellow Gownolec immigrants and ran in Old Gownolec fashion. The enterprises succeeded, but she would simply fire each new employee a day before pay was due and then lend them money at 140% annual interest. Unable to pay, they would be rehired without salary to repay the debt.
However, she knew that America was not Poland. Moreover, Klara realized that one of the homes she had cleaned and relieved of over twenty thousand dollars worth of jewelry belonged to a woman whose husband had immense political contacts. Therefore, she knew she had to lay low for a while.
Being too ambitious and avaricious to ever stop earning money in Count Gowniski fashion, she soon found out about the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor and decided that she had to convert to Judaism under his auspices. After all, no one, Jewish or gentile, except perhaps Bernard Madoff or Sholam Weiss, embodied the spirit of Gownolec and its founder more than the great Admou"r.
(NB: For those who recognize the word Gowno/Gowniski/Gownolec as being similar to its Russian cognate, and therefore scatological in meaning, it should be noted that researchers are unsure as to whether the Count was given the name Gowniski in recognition of the quality of his horseshoes, or whether the word entered the language because of the nature of the Count and his enterprises. This is similar to the debate surrounding the theory of the origin of the word Dreck as being a mispronunciation of the surname of Fat Ralphie, ne Rafael, Dweck, a reprobate Syrian Jewish fence and dealer in shoddy merchandise amidst the mostly Ashkenazi community in the Lower East Side of old).
Michael Jackson, Mourned and Insured by Creedmoor
BS"D
Posthumous ticket sales are a new sideline for the Admou"r meCreedmoor, but not one he was about to pass up when he heard of the untimely (but perfectly timed as far as the Admou"r was concerned) death of Michael Jackson.
The Admou"r could have cared less about Jackson's musical talent or lack thereof; what attracted him to the singing star was that concerts for his tickets had already been sold and that insurance companies were reimbursing those who lost out because of the singer's demise.
Actually, the Admou"r's erstwhile shaliach, Shmeel Aniloiboiteachboi, had had contacts with Michael Jackson when he was employed by the Admou"r in a failed TV venture called ShekerSearch, in which Aniloiboiteachboi would search out the most obvious and egregious examples of sheker in the world and try to prove that they were really paragons of emes. The venture failed when Aniloiboiteachboi wanted cash rather than food stamps for his participation on the show, and duly embezzled same from advertisers and the Admou"r alike. That was the end of his shlichus, and today he stands on an inverted vegetable crate a few yards from the main gate of Creedmoor and babbles on and on with pseudointellectual attempts to connect Creedmoorer Chassidus to everything and anything in show business and personal relationships.
Nevertheless, this tenuous connection with Jackson was enough for the Admou"r to be able to organize "The First Posthumous Michael Jackson Gala Concert" in Azazel Stadium, Gehennom.
Of course such a stadium existed only for the benefit of his usual cohort of suborned insurance adjusters and incompetent insurance underwriters.
And his network had no problem showing that ten million tickets had been sold for the concert, scheduled for August 32, 2009 and canceled because Jackson had inadvertently been sprayed with acetone by an incompetent embalmer. Since acetone dissolves the plastic resins that had been the dominant component in the performer's enhanced body and face, that meant that in essence Jackson had dissolved and disappeared, making it impossible for any concert to be held in the heat of Gehennom in August where whatever little bit remained would definitely melt.
Results: Ten million tickets at an average price of 300 dollars per ticket, plus promotion costs of thirty two million Gehennom shkolim, exchangeable at the rate of four food stamps to the shekel, were reimbursed by a confederation of worldwide insurance firms to "Schmoigerman Productions, Limited Liability and Unlimited Fraud Company", registered in the Admou"r's own independent republic.
Posthumous ticket sales are a new sideline for the Admou"r meCreedmoor, but not one he was about to pass up when he heard of the untimely (but perfectly timed as far as the Admou"r was concerned) death of Michael Jackson.
The Admou"r could have cared less about Jackson's musical talent or lack thereof; what attracted him to the singing star was that concerts for his tickets had already been sold and that insurance companies were reimbursing those who lost out because of the singer's demise.
Actually, the Admou"r's erstwhile shaliach, Shmeel Aniloiboiteachboi, had had contacts with Michael Jackson when he was employed by the Admou"r in a failed TV venture called ShekerSearch, in which Aniloiboiteachboi would search out the most obvious and egregious examples of sheker in the world and try to prove that they were really paragons of emes. The venture failed when Aniloiboiteachboi wanted cash rather than food stamps for his participation on the show, and duly embezzled same from advertisers and the Admou"r alike. That was the end of his shlichus, and today he stands on an inverted vegetable crate a few yards from the main gate of Creedmoor and babbles on and on with pseudointellectual attempts to connect Creedmoorer Chassidus to everything and anything in show business and personal relationships.
Nevertheless, this tenuous connection with Jackson was enough for the Admou"r to be able to organize "The First Posthumous Michael Jackson Gala Concert" in Azazel Stadium, Gehennom.
Of course such a stadium existed only for the benefit of his usual cohort of suborned insurance adjusters and incompetent insurance underwriters.
And his network had no problem showing that ten million tickets had been sold for the concert, scheduled for August 32, 2009 and canceled because Jackson had inadvertently been sprayed with acetone by an incompetent embalmer. Since acetone dissolves the plastic resins that had been the dominant component in the performer's enhanced body and face, that meant that in essence Jackson had dissolved and disappeared, making it impossible for any concert to be held in the heat of Gehennom in August where whatever little bit remained would definitely melt.
Results: Ten million tickets at an average price of 300 dollars per ticket, plus promotion costs of thirty two million Gehennom shkolim, exchangeable at the rate of four food stamps to the shekel, were reimbursed by a confederation of worldwide insurance firms to "Schmoigerman Productions, Limited Liability and Unlimited Fraud Company", registered in the Admou"r's own independent republic.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Michael Jeksen Creedmoor Connection - Coming Sunday!
BS"D
A freakish music star dies while planning fifty concerts. Tickets are already sold. Insurance is reimbursing ticket sellers so that they can in turn reimburse ticket purchasers.
Is there a Creedmoor connection?
Of course!
Is there a substantial insurance payment anywhere in the world without the Admou"r getting a cut? Is there a freak anywhere in the world who does not have at least one personality enrolled in at least one Creedmoorer moisad? Is there a life insurance policy issued on any freak which does not list the Admou"r meCreedmoor as a beneficiary, even if that policy is somehow issued and collected on hours after the death has already been announced?
More coming on Sunday :).
A freakish music star dies while planning fifty concerts. Tickets are already sold. Insurance is reimbursing ticket sellers so that they can in turn reimburse ticket purchasers.
Is there a Creedmoor connection?
Of course!
Is there a substantial insurance payment anywhere in the world without the Admou"r getting a cut? Is there a freak anywhere in the world who does not have at least one personality enrolled in at least one Creedmoorer moisad? Is there a life insurance policy issued on any freak which does not list the Admou"r meCreedmoor as a beneficiary, even if that policy is somehow issued and collected on hours after the death has already been announced?
More coming on Sunday :).
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Preview: Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - The Scam Flick that Almost Suckered the Admou"r Himself!
BS"D
The abandoned grounds of Creedmoor Psychiatric Hospital that Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman calls home for reasons of incurable insanity and even more incorrigible avarice are rather dilapidated and in a total state of disarray.
After all, Schmoigerman spends most of his time in Iran, Alcatraz, North Korea, the Palestinian Disarray and any other rogue country that will welcome him, including Berkeley, California whose city rebels against their elders granted him honorary residence this past week.
So, when Clara Kosinzki, a Polish cleaning woman who declared her allegiance to Creedmoor by taking on the first name Cholerye and signing up for welfare in all fifty states despite her illegal alien status, offered to clean the entire grounds of the Schmoigerman compound free of charge, in exchange for being able to make a movie about her exploits, Reb Dovid was only too happy to accept.....
(Come back later in the week for the rest of the plot and the harebrained scheme behind this classic film...)
The abandoned grounds of Creedmoor Psychiatric Hospital that Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman calls home for reasons of incurable insanity and even more incorrigible avarice are rather dilapidated and in a total state of disarray.
After all, Schmoigerman spends most of his time in Iran, Alcatraz, North Korea, the Palestinian Disarray and any other rogue country that will welcome him, including Berkeley, California whose city rebels against their elders granted him honorary residence this past week.
So, when Clara Kosinzki, a Polish cleaning woman who declared her allegiance to Creedmoor by taking on the first name Cholerye and signing up for welfare in all fifty states despite her illegal alien status, offered to clean the entire grounds of the Schmoigerman compound free of charge, in exchange for being able to make a movie about her exploits, Reb Dovid was only too happy to accept.....
(Come back later in the week for the rest of the plot and the harebrained scheme behind this classic film...)
Admou'r meCreedmoor Offers Ahmadinejad Post as Head of Creedmoor Community Council
BS"D
The past elections for the Creedmoor Community Council, a body of pure corruption made up of representatives of each of the fifteen quintillion multiple personalities who make up the Creedmoorer community, were more chaotic than usual. No fewer than ten trillion personalities claimed victory for their fifteen million slates, and another forty trillion personalities actually contested the results by placing requests for emergency welfare and heat assistance with the relevant government agencies despite the sweltering heat in Creedmoor this past week.
As always, the Admou"r meCreedmoor was able to propose a solution to the deadlock in his community by offering a real, live person the position of Chief Dictator of the Creedmoor Community Council.
That person is none other than beleaguered Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the legally wedded sharia husband of Creedmoorer stalwart Aharon Cohen, and therefore a citizen of the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor.
Therefore, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman has offered political and insane asylum to Ahmadinejad should he lose his position, or even one or more limbs, to the will of the Iranian people. He has also granted the Iranian president the dictatorship of his community council in the hope that Ahmadinejad will accept and therefore put an end to the stalemates in both Iran and Creedmoor.
The past elections for the Creedmoor Community Council, a body of pure corruption made up of representatives of each of the fifteen quintillion multiple personalities who make up the Creedmoorer community, were more chaotic than usual. No fewer than ten trillion personalities claimed victory for their fifteen million slates, and another forty trillion personalities actually contested the results by placing requests for emergency welfare and heat assistance with the relevant government agencies despite the sweltering heat in Creedmoor this past week.
As always, the Admou"r meCreedmoor was able to propose a solution to the deadlock in his community by offering a real, live person the position of Chief Dictator of the Creedmoor Community Council.
That person is none other than beleaguered Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the legally wedded sharia husband of Creedmoorer stalwart Aharon Cohen, and therefore a citizen of the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor.
Therefore, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman has offered political and insane asylum to Ahmadinejad should he lose his position, or even one or more limbs, to the will of the Iranian people. He has also granted the Iranian president the dictatorship of his community council in the hope that Ahmadinejad will accept and therefore put an end to the stalemates in both Iran and Creedmoor.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Bakooshe Nafshis fin Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Shlit"a
BS"D
"In celebration of my recent election victory I wish to complete my new Remote Control for my Nuclear Reactor which is of course for Peaceful Purposes Only. However, due to the increasing desire among the public for healthier food without artificial coloring, it is exceedingly difficult for us to obtain the red dyed pistachio shells which we must have to complete the red remote control buttons. We ask the public, and particularly our dear supporters from among the Neturei Karta who clearly have many nut shells available in all colors and with the proper haimishe halal certification, to please mail any red pistachio shells to our Great Satanic address as follows:"
Un-American Friends of the Destruction of the Zionist Entity
Creedmoorer Beis Medrash and Coin-op Money Laundry, Saddle River Road
Ir HaKodesh Monsey
Hymie State, The Great Satan Even When Ruled by Barack Hussein Obama, 10000
Thank you and may you be rewarded for your chessed with more and more nuts, as well as bolts and anything else you are missing in this world and the next.
Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Teheran, Iran
Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Creedmoor, Queens
"In celebration of my recent election victory I wish to complete my new Remote Control for my Nuclear Reactor which is of course for Peaceful Purposes Only. However, due to the increasing desire among the public for healthier food without artificial coloring, it is exceedingly difficult for us to obtain the red dyed pistachio shells which we must have to complete the red remote control buttons. We ask the public, and particularly our dear supporters from among the Neturei Karta who clearly have many nut shells available in all colors and with the proper haimishe halal certification, to please mail any red pistachio shells to our Great Satanic address as follows:"
Un-American Friends of the Destruction of the Zionist Entity
Creedmoorer Beis Medrash and Coin-op Money Laundry, Saddle River Road
Ir HaKodesh Monsey
Hymie State, The Great Satan Even When Ruled by Barack Hussein Obama, 10000
Thank you and may you be rewarded for your chessed with more and more nuts, as well as bolts and anything else you are missing in this world and the next.
Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Teheran, Iran
Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Creedmoor, Queens
Cohen: My segeela got Mahmoud the election
BS"D
Interviewed in his Manchester congregation "Khal Uber u'Botul", Rabbi Aharon Cohen, Ambassador to Iran on behalf of the Independent Republic of Baseless Hatred and Extreme anti-Zionism of Creedmoor, revealed his secret segeela which he claims was the reason for the success of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the recent Iranian elections:
"I give to Mahmoud zeyr spetzial a segeela! I mach far em tefillin mit der verses fin der Koran inside. From where I am gettink dem? Fin myne chaver Mohammed's a cab, he keeps dem on hiz deshboard for good luck. I see what Mohammed is managink to charge me triple for a short ride fin myne home to myne basement every day and it must be a gitte segile!"
Cohen is forced to take a cab from his own home to his own basement (accessible only from the rear entrance) due to his increasing age, long since encroached senility, and his fear of being bombarded with a quantity of eggs sufficient to feed the entire Royal Navy.
His faithful driver, Mohammed, is a native of Baluchistan and a member of "British Friends of the Taliban".
Interviewed in his Manchester congregation "Khal Uber u'Botul", Rabbi Aharon Cohen, Ambassador to Iran on behalf of the Independent Republic of Baseless Hatred and Extreme anti-Zionism of Creedmoor, revealed his secret segeela which he claims was the reason for the success of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the recent Iranian elections:
"I give to Mahmoud zeyr spetzial a segeela! I mach far em tefillin mit der verses fin der Koran inside. From where I am gettink dem? Fin myne chaver Mohammed's a cab, he keeps dem on hiz deshboard for good luck. I see what Mohammed is managink to charge me triple for a short ride fin myne home to myne basement every day and it must be a gitte segile!"
Cohen is forced to take a cab from his own home to his own basement (accessible only from the rear entrance) due to his increasing age, long since encroached senility, and his fear of being bombarded with a quantity of eggs sufficient to feed the entire Royal Navy.
His faithful driver, Mohammed, is a native of Baluchistan and a member of "British Friends of the Taliban".
Schmoigerman: 80 trillion votes for Ahmadinejad
BS"D
It has become very apparent that the recent resounding victory of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the Iranian national elections was the work of none other than the absentee Chief Rabbi of Iran, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman.
In exchange for the position of Minister of Entitlement Program Fraud in the next Ahmadinejad government, as well as the exclusive franchise to market Farschimelt Kokosh Cake, Schmoigerman enlisted no less than 80 trillion of his phantom personalities to vote for Ahmadinejad in the highly contested elections.
It has also been rumored that Schmoigerman and Ahmadinejad confidant Rabbi Aharon Cohen, of the Community of Complete Excommunication of Manchester, England and known as the Chyremer Rov, will be appointed Iranian Ambassador to the Fictitious Entity of Palestine, as well as Chief Nuclear Explosion Test Subject of the Most Exalted Nuclear Program of the "An Islamic Pistachio is Much Smaller than a Central American Banana Republic of Iran".
It has become very apparent that the recent resounding victory of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the Iranian national elections was the work of none other than the absentee Chief Rabbi of Iran, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman.
In exchange for the position of Minister of Entitlement Program Fraud in the next Ahmadinejad government, as well as the exclusive franchise to market Farschimelt Kokosh Cake, Schmoigerman enlisted no less than 80 trillion of his phantom personalities to vote for Ahmadinejad in the highly contested elections.
It has also been rumored that Schmoigerman and Ahmadinejad confidant Rabbi Aharon Cohen, of the Community of Complete Excommunication of Manchester, England and known as the Chyremer Rov, will be appointed Iranian Ambassador to the Fictitious Entity of Palestine, as well as Chief Nuclear Explosion Test Subject of the Most Exalted Nuclear Program of the "An Islamic Pistachio is Much Smaller than a Central American Banana Republic of Iran".
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Very Not Creedmoor E-book
BS"D
I am proud to present The Faithful of the One by Nissan Davidi,
The Faithful of the One is the story of an old and distinguished Sefardi family, with branches throughout the world. Some are hidden Jews who return to their roots upon the discovery of their Jewish connection, and many members of the family are baalei tshuva who have returned to Torah after leading adventurous lives.
It can be obtained directly at http://www.abillionshouts.com/ebook
A new Creedmoor post will be up within the next 48 hours as soon as I regain my insanity.
I am proud to present The Faithful of the One by Nissan Davidi,
The Faithful of the One is the story of an old and distinguished Sefardi family, with branches throughout the world. Some are hidden Jews who return to their roots upon the discovery of their Jewish connection, and many members of the family are baalei tshuva who have returned to Torah after leading adventurous lives.
It can be obtained directly at http://www.abillionshouts.com/ebook
A new Creedmoor post will be up within the next 48 hours as soon as I regain my insanity.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Attention all you pervs and sickos!
BS"D
Well, I see that quite a few of you got here by searching for the title of a planned film that is about a girl with the same first name as the unfortunate Miss Landau who is the protagonist of the Creedmoorer tznius play. Bad news, guys. I am no fan of that kind of stuff and I have had a runin with the schmendrick behind the planned chilul Hashem and disgusting toeva on another site already.
I want to tell you right off that I am not one of you pervs and sickos and not one bit like the sick individual who is behind that film and other sick nonsense that is going on in the online and now the real world frum community. Far from it. I do push the envelope here a bit, but I do it by exposing the seamy underbelly of the community that you pervs, like the Creedmoorer fraudsters, are a part of. And I've got you covered, to put it mildly.
But, since at the end of the day, I am here to have fun, I will soon tell all of you, my loyal clean haimish fun seekers who support my social criticism through satire as well as you sick pervs out there in the mikve steam rooms, about the new Creedmoorer movie...and how you, too, can become both an investor and a star in the one and only Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor......
See everyone next Sunday 22 Sivan with the plot line and reviews of the great new flick in which Cholerye, a graduate of the Porkois Oyl Seminary for Wayward Girls, tries to defraud none other than the Admou'r herself by trying to get him involved in a series of zany investment scams that would make Bernard Madoff blush and add another few centuries or millennia to Reb Sholam Weiss's jail term!
And of course we'll even let you in as a privileged investor who can get a package of shares in a guaranteed flop that far surpasses anything Mel Brooks ever dreamed up for the Producers, both as far as flop potential and percentages well exceeding 100% are concerned!
(Newsflash: The Nigerian Board of Exalted 419 Scammers has advised its members NOT to invest in Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - that is how guaranteed the movie is to gross far less than will ever be invested in it...or will the Admou"r manage to wrangle a profit out of it at Cholerye's expense....we shall see next Sunday!)
Well, I see that quite a few of you got here by searching for the title of a planned film that is about a girl with the same first name as the unfortunate Miss Landau who is the protagonist of the Creedmoorer tznius play. Bad news, guys. I am no fan of that kind of stuff and I have had a runin with the schmendrick behind the planned chilul Hashem and disgusting toeva on another site already.
I want to tell you right off that I am not one of you pervs and sickos and not one bit like the sick individual who is behind that film and other sick nonsense that is going on in the online and now the real world frum community. Far from it. I do push the envelope here a bit, but I do it by exposing the seamy underbelly of the community that you pervs, like the Creedmoorer fraudsters, are a part of. And I've got you covered, to put it mildly.
But, since at the end of the day, I am here to have fun, I will soon tell all of you, my loyal clean haimish fun seekers who support my social criticism through satire as well as you sick pervs out there in the mikve steam rooms, about the new Creedmoorer movie...and how you, too, can become both an investor and a star in the one and only Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor......
See everyone next Sunday 22 Sivan with the plot line and reviews of the great new flick in which Cholerye, a graduate of the Porkois Oyl Seminary for Wayward Girls, tries to defraud none other than the Admou'r herself by trying to get him involved in a series of zany investment scams that would make Bernard Madoff blush and add another few centuries or millennia to Reb Sholam Weiss's jail term!
And of course we'll even let you in as a privileged investor who can get a package of shares in a guaranteed flop that far surpasses anything Mel Brooks ever dreamed up for the Producers, both as far as flop potential and percentages well exceeding 100% are concerned!
(Newsflash: The Nigerian Board of Exalted 419 Scammers has advised its members NOT to invest in Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - that is how guaranteed the movie is to gross far less than will ever be invested in it...or will the Admou"r manage to wrangle a profit out of it at Cholerye's expense....we shall see next Sunday!)
87,679,098 Souls Resurrected After Epidemic in Creedmoor!
BS"D
It has indeed been confirmed that 87,679,098 souls were resurrected Friday morning in Creedmoor Psychiatric Center, D-ward, also known as "Perud Kehillos Anshei Domim veMirmo and Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor".
However, what is remarkable about this apparent miracle performed by the renowned Admou"r meCreedmoor of dubious repute and low moral character is that each entity was registered for every imaginable Federal and State entitlement program, and that each identity was shown as owning huge swaths of residential and commercial property in latitudes and longitudes that show as being in the Atlantic Ocean.
And the mystery grows deeper, as each resurrected soul has a slightly different name than it had before its death certificate was issued for "Schmoigerman Influenza type BBA89C" or "Acute Dutch Elm Disease, Human Variant". Never mind that neither disease is known to most clinicians, but the discrepancies in the new birth certificates do not back up the claim of resurrection made by the Creedmoor spiritual leader, whose own registered name of Dovid Schmoigerman does not match any birth certificate.
A Federal investigator informed us that there is only one explanation for the latest phenomenon. Fraud.
And Schmoigerman, proclaimed clinically insane in the US and recognized as the leader of an independent country by the EU, is not prosecutable.
On the other hand, the Obama administration will now have an excuse to print even more money and increase the scope of the stimulus plan, for there are now 87,679,098 more people registered for welfare programs. In addition, while some of the victims of the epidemic were originally registered with ages as low as four months, all of the resurrected souls are of voting age now or will be in 2010 or 2012.
Therefore, we can expect no investigation whatsoever by the Obama administration. In fact we have confirmed that various emergency subsidies are being transferred to the accounts of these resurrected souls at present, with regular monthly subsidy payments to commence at the beginning of July.
It has indeed been confirmed that 87,679,098 souls were resurrected Friday morning in Creedmoor Psychiatric Center, D-ward, also known as "Perud Kehillos Anshei Domim veMirmo and Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor".
However, what is remarkable about this apparent miracle performed by the renowned Admou"r meCreedmoor of dubious repute and low moral character is that each entity was registered for every imaginable Federal and State entitlement program, and that each identity was shown as owning huge swaths of residential and commercial property in latitudes and longitudes that show as being in the Atlantic Ocean.
And the mystery grows deeper, as each resurrected soul has a slightly different name than it had before its death certificate was issued for "Schmoigerman Influenza type BBA89C" or "Acute Dutch Elm Disease, Human Variant". Never mind that neither disease is known to most clinicians, but the discrepancies in the new birth certificates do not back up the claim of resurrection made by the Creedmoor spiritual leader, whose own registered name of Dovid Schmoigerman does not match any birth certificate.
A Federal investigator informed us that there is only one explanation for the latest phenomenon. Fraud.
And Schmoigerman, proclaimed clinically insane in the US and recognized as the leader of an independent country by the EU, is not prosecutable.
On the other hand, the Obama administration will now have an excuse to print even more money and increase the scope of the stimulus plan, for there are now 87,679,098 more people registered for welfare programs. In addition, while some of the victims of the epidemic were originally registered with ages as low as four months, all of the resurrected souls are of voting age now or will be in 2010 or 2012.
Therefore, we can expect no investigation whatsoever by the Obama administration. In fact we have confirmed that various emergency subsidies are being transferred to the accounts of these resurrected souls at present, with regular monthly subsidy payments to commence at the beginning of July.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
NEWSFLASH: Obama to Thank Schmoigerman for Making the US A Muslim Country
BS"D
NEWSFLASH (Bubbamayses Press Agency for Der Shygetz):
EXCERPT OF POTUS SPEECH TO BE GIVEN IN DAR AL MAJNOUN HOSPITAL IN CAIRO:
When I told whoever was obtuse enough to believe me that the US is a large Muslim country, it was because thirty five billion Muslims, more than the entire world Muslim population, have been added to the welfare rolls of the US by none other than a Chassidic Jewish rabbi, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, a major advocate for the destruction of the Zionist state who was my campaign manager among those who, like him, suffer from multiple voter personality syndrome.
Not only was it Schmoigerman and his double voters who gained me the election, but his followers, men with names like Gimpel Mujahir al-Islam and women boasting such multiculturally ideal names as Fatima Friedman, show the true multicultural nature of our democratic society, where I, like your president Mubarak, can be guaranteed 90% of the prison and mental patient vote thanks to the great work of men like Rabbi David Schmoigerman of Creedmoor.....
NEWSFLASH (Bubbamayses Press Agency for Der Shygetz):
EXCERPT OF POTUS SPEECH TO BE GIVEN IN DAR AL MAJNOUN HOSPITAL IN CAIRO:
When I told whoever was obtuse enough to believe me that the US is a large Muslim country, it was because thirty five billion Muslims, more than the entire world Muslim population, have been added to the welfare rolls of the US by none other than a Chassidic Jewish rabbi, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, a major advocate for the destruction of the Zionist state who was my campaign manager among those who, like him, suffer from multiple voter personality syndrome.
Not only was it Schmoigerman and his double voters who gained me the election, but his followers, men with names like Gimpel Mujahir al-Islam and women boasting such multiculturally ideal names as Fatima Friedman, show the true multicultural nature of our democratic society, where I, like your president Mubarak, can be guaranteed 90% of the prison and mental patient vote thanks to the great work of men like Rabbi David Schmoigerman of Creedmoor.....
The Final Toll of the Schmoigerman Flu and Dutch Elm Disease Epidemic...
BS"D
87,679,098 souls expired during the recent combined epidemic of the mysterious Schmoigerman Flu along with Dutch Elm Disease in the Beis Pesha veResha and Machon leRishus schools run by Chassidus Creedmoor.....
and no sooner did each one give up the spark of life that he or she was resurrected by the Admou"r.
Is the Admou"r really a baal moifes of an order no one has ever seen before? Or is the secret to his ness revealed by the fact that each resurrected neshomo returned to the world with a slight difference in the spelling of his or her surname?
More on 15 Sivan (this coming Sunday) when we return...
87,679,098 souls expired during the recent combined epidemic of the mysterious Schmoigerman Flu along with Dutch Elm Disease in the Beis Pesha veResha and Machon leRishus schools run by Chassidus Creedmoor.....
and no sooner did each one give up the spark of life that he or she was resurrected by the Admou"r.
Is the Admou"r really a baal moifes of an order no one has ever seen before? Or is the secret to his ness revealed by the fact that each resurrected neshomo returned to the world with a slight difference in the spelling of his or her surname?
More on 15 Sivan (this coming Sunday) when we return...
Monday, June 01, 2009
See everyone on 15 Sivan
BS"D
Creedmoor will return on 15 Sivan (Sunday 14 June or 78978 Av 5708 in Creedmoorer notation), barring any breaking news.
For now, it is our pleasure to inform you that the 7000 centrifuges which Mad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims to have are actually defective washing machines provided to him by Schmoigerman Appliance and Refrigeration, one of the many defective and fraudulent firms registered to the Admou"r meCreedmoor's various personalities.
Schmoigerman plans to finance Ahmadinejad in a laundromat venture (for money or shirts is the question) when Mad Mahmoud is forced to flee and is accepted as a refugee by the Obama administration. Of course, the plan is that many furious Iranians in LA will gang up and throw Mad Mahmoud in one of the washing machines and throw in enough detergent to dissolve the dirt and slime that makes up the very essence of Mad Mahmoud.
That of course will leave Schmoigerman the full and sole owner of the venture, which he will use to literally launder currency and food stamps until he runs out of multiple personalities which will be far later than Iran runs out of oil.
Creedmoor will return on 15 Sivan (Sunday 14 June or 78978 Av 5708 in Creedmoorer notation), barring any breaking news.
For now, it is our pleasure to inform you that the 7000 centrifuges which Mad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims to have are actually defective washing machines provided to him by Schmoigerman Appliance and Refrigeration, one of the many defective and fraudulent firms registered to the Admou"r meCreedmoor's various personalities.
Schmoigerman plans to finance Ahmadinejad in a laundromat venture (for money or shirts is the question) when Mad Mahmoud is forced to flee and is accepted as a refugee by the Obama administration. Of course, the plan is that many furious Iranians in LA will gang up and throw Mad Mahmoud in one of the washing machines and throw in enough detergent to dissolve the dirt and slime that makes up the very essence of Mad Mahmoud.
That of course will leave Schmoigerman the full and sole owner of the venture, which he will use to literally launder currency and food stamps until he runs out of multiple personalities which will be far later than Iran runs out of oil.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Emergency Psak from the Admou"r - Listening to the 10 Commandments
BS"D
As we do not believe in the Tzionish commandment of Loi Signoiv, we instruct all of our followers who limp in the flickering light of the burned out one watt bulb of Chassidus Creedmoor to stamp their feet and shout "Shygetz Aross" should they find themselves in a Tzioinish minyan where all 10 commandments are recited. And those who do this during Loi Sachmoid as well are especially worthy of praise and an extra piece of "Schmoigerman's Cholov Yisroel Parve Lard Cheesecake".
Should said cheesecake not be available at your Tzioini synagogue kiddush, I refer you to my prior psak regarding the permissibility of transacting business with US currency on Yom Tov, as it is considered tumas hatzioinis. Therefore, said cheesecake can be purchased on Yom Tov d'Tzioinim but with currency only and not with food stamps which indeed are legal tender according to the Darchei Shoid v'Gezel.
Regarding the use of counterfeit versus legitimate food stamps to make purchases on Tzioinish Yomim Toivim, it is remarkable that the sons and daughters, real as well as those existing only for purpose of receiving subsidies, of this weak and damaged generation in its Zionist induced darkness and prevailing ignorance do not understand that all Creedmoorer food stamps are counterfeit so that there is a severe problem of maris ayin regarding purchases made with legitimate food stamps which indeed are negiim betumas hatzioinis.
The ideal situation would be to make purchases using counterfeit US currency so long as there is no risk of detection.
Signed this day of 56789 Av 5708, in the 61st year of mourning of the Naqba.
-Dovid Schmoigerman, av arba misois beis din veavi avois hatuma d'Perud Kehillois Creedmoor, Creedmoor, Alcatraz and Teheran.
As we do not believe in the Tzionish commandment of Loi Signoiv, we instruct all of our followers who limp in the flickering light of the burned out one watt bulb of Chassidus Creedmoor to stamp their feet and shout "Shygetz Aross" should they find themselves in a Tzioinish minyan where all 10 commandments are recited. And those who do this during Loi Sachmoid as well are especially worthy of praise and an extra piece of "Schmoigerman's Cholov Yisroel Parve Lard Cheesecake".
Should said cheesecake not be available at your Tzioini synagogue kiddush, I refer you to my prior psak regarding the permissibility of transacting business with US currency on Yom Tov, as it is considered tumas hatzioinis. Therefore, said cheesecake can be purchased on Yom Tov d'Tzioinim but with currency only and not with food stamps which indeed are legal tender according to the Darchei Shoid v'Gezel.
Regarding the use of counterfeit versus legitimate food stamps to make purchases on Tzioinish Yomim Toivim, it is remarkable that the sons and daughters, real as well as those existing only for purpose of receiving subsidies, of this weak and damaged generation in its Zionist induced darkness and prevailing ignorance do not understand that all Creedmoorer food stamps are counterfeit so that there is a severe problem of maris ayin regarding purchases made with legitimate food stamps which indeed are negiim betumas hatzioinis.
The ideal situation would be to make purchases using counterfeit US currency so long as there is no risk of detection.
Signed this day of 56789 Av 5708, in the 61st year of mourning of the Naqba.
-Dovid Schmoigerman, av arba misois beis din veavi avois hatuma d'Perud Kehillois Creedmoor, Creedmoor, Alcatraz and Teheran.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The End - Schmoigerman Bows Out...
BS"D
Remaining Anonymous to suha, graham
show details 12:21 AM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
As you have not been forthcoming with any information regarding the fallaciousness of the "Red Security Company," and you have caused me to travel to Dubai for no reason whatsoever, thereby depriving my congregation of 150 quintillion souls of my services over the past few days, I regret to inform you that you will have to find another mark to serve as your partner.
I will instead be assisting your competitor, Mrs Maryam Abacha, with her matters, as she has been far more communicative than you have been in your rather similar dealings with me.
I wish you much luck and a lengthy incarceration.
-Rabbi Dr Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman.
------
Either these clowns can't pay for another hour in the Internet cafe in South Africa to which I traced their pathetic scam, or they have gotten wise to the "419 baiter" tactics which I have used.
In any case, see everyone the week after Shavuos with more of the old style Creedmoor. I am taking a 10 day break and look forward to returning with the final reports from the Creedmoorer 5 Iyar conflagration, the trip to Iran, and the treatment which the Chassidim received for Schmoigerman Flu and Dutch Elm Disease.
All I can say for now is that 150 quintillion respirators were duly paid for by the Social Services Administration, and perhaps 10,000 actual respirators were indeed delivered to the Schmoigerman residence in Creedmoor for resale throughout the developing world, part by part.
See you soon...and to the grade D mugus* Arafat and Ahmed, may you indeed merit a lengthy incarceration and much hard labor.
*mugu is a mark or "freier" in 419 scammer lingo.
Remaining Anonymous to suha, graham
show details 12:21 AM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
As you have not been forthcoming with any information regarding the fallaciousness of the "Red Security Company," and you have caused me to travel to Dubai for no reason whatsoever, thereby depriving my congregation of 150 quintillion souls of my services over the past few days, I regret to inform you that you will have to find another mark to serve as your partner.
I will instead be assisting your competitor, Mrs Maryam Abacha, with her matters, as she has been far more communicative than you have been in your rather similar dealings with me.
I wish you much luck and a lengthy incarceration.
-Rabbi Dr Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman.
------
Either these clowns can't pay for another hour in the Internet cafe in South Africa to which I traced their pathetic scam, or they have gotten wise to the "419 baiter" tactics which I have used.
In any case, see everyone the week after Shavuos with more of the old style Creedmoor. I am taking a 10 day break and look forward to returning with the final reports from the Creedmoorer 5 Iyar conflagration, the trip to Iran, and the treatment which the Chassidim received for Schmoigerman Flu and Dutch Elm Disease.
All I can say for now is that 150 quintillion respirators were duly paid for by the Social Services Administration, and perhaps 10,000 actual respirators were indeed delivered to the Schmoigerman residence in Creedmoor for resale throughout the developing world, part by part.
See you soon...and to the grade D mugus* Arafat and Ahmed, may you indeed merit a lengthy incarceration and much hard labor.
*mugu is a mark or "freier" in 419 scammer lingo.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
No response from either Arafat or Ahmed
BS"D
So far, there has been no response from either Arafat or her barrister, the most talented and ignoble Graham Ahmed.
If no such response is forthcoming within the next 8 hours, Schmoigerman will most ungracefully bow out of the deal....check back later tonight for the final chapter in the Schmoigerman-Arafat saga.........
So far, there has been no response from either Arafat or her barrister, the most talented and ignoble Graham Ahmed.
If no such response is forthcoming within the next 8 hours, Schmoigerman will most ungracefully bow out of the deal....check back later tonight for the final chapter in the Schmoigerman-Arafat saga.........
Monday, May 25, 2009
Schmoigerman's Bank Warns Him!
BS"D
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 1:42 PM (4 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Dear Dr Ahmed:
I contacted my bank in Turkey to find out whether they can find the Red Security Company and I received the attached alarming letter in response. They have informed me that you are trying to ensnare me in the infamous 419 Advance Fee Scam!
Certainly this cannot be so! Certainly they are not mistaken, as I know that you are a completely spurious and decent businessman.
I have other bank accounts if need be but I really need to find that Red Security Company to be convinced that my bank is not correct.
Sincerely,
Dovid.
Click here for the bank letter :). Needless to say, there is no Bank M. Gotkafa and Sons in Istanbul, no such street as Mathild Manukyan (the late queen of Istanbul's legal bordellos) Cadessi, even in Karakoy where her bordellos were located. Just in case you don't remember, Mehmet Ali Agca was the guy who shot Pope John Paul II :). And gey kock'n affn yam is not exactly the way even Agca would sign his name. The notary's name is also fabricated; it means procurer.
I will give this 24 hours to see if Ahmed responds. Regardless, my last letter to him will be where I reveal once and for all that I have been winding him up.
And then I will take a break from Creedmoor until after Shavuos so that I can get some work done!
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 1:42 PM (4 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Dear Dr Ahmed:
I contacted my bank in Turkey to find out whether they can find the Red Security Company and I received the attached alarming letter in response. They have informed me that you are trying to ensnare me in the infamous 419 Advance Fee Scam!
Certainly this cannot be so! Certainly they are not mistaken, as I know that you are a completely spurious and decent businessman.
I have other bank accounts if need be but I really need to find that Red Security Company to be convinced that my bank is not correct.
Sincerely,
Dovid.
Click here for the bank letter :). Needless to say, there is no Bank M. Gotkafa and Sons in Istanbul, no such street as Mathild Manukyan (the late queen of Istanbul's legal bordellos) Cadessi, even in Karakoy where her bordellos were located. Just in case you don't remember, Mehmet Ali Agca was the guy who shot Pope John Paul II :). And gey kock'n affn yam is not exactly the way even Agca would sign his name. The notary's name is also fabricated; it means procurer.
I will give this 24 hours to see if Ahmed responds. Regardless, my last letter to him will be where I reveal once and for all that I have been winding him up.
And then I will take a break from Creedmoor until after Shavuos so that I can get some work done!
Schmoigerman can't find the bank......
BS"D
-------
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:38 AM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
I am in Dubai, and have found out that there is no "Red Security Company" whatsoever here. Perhaps you made an error; if so please clarify. I will also check again in the Puerile Defalcations Register, which is the overall register of firms having a presence in Dubai.
-Dovid.
-----
The end is near. Today I will put an end to this one once and for all - but I think the guy knows he has been had.
-------
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:38 AM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
I am in Dubai, and have found out that there is no "Red Security Company" whatsoever here. Perhaps you made an error; if so please clarify. I will also check again in the Puerile Defalcations Register, which is the overall register of firms having a presence in Dubai.
-Dovid.
-----
The end is near. Today I will put an end to this one once and for all - but I think the guy knows he has been had.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Schmoigerman asks Ahmed for his advice...regarding investment in another 419!!
BS"D
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 10:41 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
I have arrived safe and sound in Dubai and await more information from you.
I was just presented with the following investment opportunity:
Due to the World Economy Recession, Ford Motor Company, Inc undergo a statistic fall in Sales and result in a drastic financial crisis this last season.
The Government has given us the opportunity to bounce back on our feet, but unfortunately we have not achieved the fund necessary.
Therefore, we offer you the opportunity to purchase a very good Auto at 35% discount of the price. We decided to pull the sales of 1.000 cars from United Kingdom at a very low price for us to aquire the capital needed to bounce back in business and to use this medium to increase the scale of our valued customers.
The payment shall be made in installments through the bank at 1 month after signing the contract.
If you are interested in this offer please fill out the application form, A representative will contact you about this application within five business day.
Sincerely,
Ford Motor Company
P.O. Box 6248
Dearborn, MI 48126
Do you think this would be a good way to invest Mrs Arafat's funds? I would very much like your exhumed opinion of this investment as I usually do not deal in any type of automobiles or any sort of physical goods unless duly purloined.
Looking forward to hearing from you im irtz'Allah ul-khinzeer ul-kabir.
Dovid.
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 10:41 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
I have arrived safe and sound in Dubai and await more information from you.
I was just presented with the following investment opportunity:
Due to the World Economy Recession, Ford Motor Company, Inc undergo a statistic fall in Sales and result in a drastic financial crisis this last season.
The Government has given us the opportunity to bounce back on our feet, but unfortunately we have not achieved the fund necessary.
Therefore, we offer you the opportunity to purchase a very good Auto at 35% discount of the price. We decided to pull the sales of 1.000 cars from United Kingdom at a very low price for us to aquire the capital needed to bounce back in business and to use this medium to increase the scale of our valued customers.
The payment shall be made in installments through the bank at 1 month after signing the contract.
If you are interested in this offer please fill out the application form, A representative will contact you about this application within five business day.
Sincerely,
Ford Motor Company
P.O. Box 6248
Dearborn, MI 48126
Do you think this would be a good way to invest Mrs Arafat's funds? I would very much like your exhumed opinion of this investment as I usually do not deal in any type of automobiles or any sort of physical goods unless duly purloined.
Looking forward to hearing from you im irtz'Allah ul-khinzeer ul-kabir.
Dovid.
Update: Schmoigerman is in Dubai
BS"D
Schmoigerman arrived safe and sound in Dubai and is settled in his room at the Bourj ul-Harb hotel. He has already found out that there is no such thing as the Red Security Company and he will inform Graham Ahmed of his findings tomorrow afternoon.
Schmoigerman arrived safe and sound in Dubai and is settled in his room at the Bourj ul-Harb hotel. He has already found out that there is no such thing as the Red Security Company and he will inform Graham Ahmed of his findings tomorrow afternoon.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
And Schmoigerman still is on the way to Dubai...
BS"D
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:28 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
I thought I made it clear I am not reachable on Saturdays until nightfall. In any case, who will meet me in Dubai, where, and when? I am off to the airport in 4 short hours because lines are long and I must know this.
If I have enough trust to book an immediate flight to Dubai then I think you should know that I am a trustworthy partner!
Please respond post haste!
(well at least the Saturdays part is true LOL!)
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:28 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
I thought I made it clear I am not reachable on Saturdays until nightfall. In any case, who will meet me in Dubai, where, and when? I am off to the airport in 4 short hours because lines are long and I must know this.
If I have enough trust to book an immediate flight to Dubai then I think you should know that I am a trustworthy partner!
Please respond post haste!
(well at least the Saturdays part is true LOL!)
Ahmed catches on...
BS"D
graham ahmed to me
show details 1:50 PM (9 hours ago)
Reply
Attention: Dovid,
How are you? I received your mail and I tried to call you on phone the phone number you give me dose not exciting so how can we do this transaction without trust I think we cannot do it with you because you are not a honest person.
I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed.
Date: Fri, 22 May 2009 16:34:24 +0300
Subject: Confirm receipt of my travel plans for Dubai on Sunday!
From: europa770@gmail.com
To: grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
LS"D
Please confirm that someone will be there to meet me either at the airport or at my hotel as I will not be online again until a bit before my departure early Sunday morning and may not see any messages sent before I leave.
Thank you,
Dovid.
graham ahmed to me
show details 1:50 PM (9 hours ago)
Reply
Attention: Dovid,
How are you? I received your mail and I tried to call you on phone the phone number you give me dose not exciting so how can we do this transaction without trust I think we cannot do it with you because you are not a honest person.
I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed.
Date: Fri, 22 May 2009 16:34:24 +0300
Subject: Confirm receipt of my travel plans for Dubai on Sunday!
From: europa770@gmail.com
To: grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
LS"D
Please confirm that someone will be there to meet me either at the airport or at my hotel as I will not be online again until a bit before my departure early Sunday morning and may not see any messages sent before I leave.
Thank you,
Dovid.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Schmoigerman accepts Ahmed's request to meet him in Dubai
BS"D
I wait to hearing from you soonest, Inbox X
graham ahmed to me
show details 12:27 PM (12 minutes ago)
Reply
Attention Mr.DOVID AZAZEL SCHMOIGERMAN,
How are you? I have just received your mail with the agreement signed now I wish to let you know that I will forward all your information to the Security Company where the fund was deposited for the charge of the ownership of the to your Name as the new beneficiary of the fund.
Also wish to inform you that this fund is deposited in (UAE ) Dubai in RED SECURITY COMPANY, also I will like to inform you that your present is needed in Dubai to sign some necessary document s as the beneficiary of the fund.
The charge of the ownership certificate will be send to you as soon as it don, and mean why I will also like you to visit Dubai so that you will meeting the Security company manager, for security reasons.
Now I want to know when you will be able to visit Dubai in this regards,
I wait to hearing from you soonest,
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed,
-----
emaining Anonymous to graham
show details 12:38 PM (2 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
I am leaving for Dubai on Sunday as per the following itinerary: Who will be meeting me there? I will be staying at the Bourj el-Harb Hotel (the famous tower).
Flight
Depart / Arrive
Time
Airport
Duration / Stops
Class / Aircraft
EK008
Sun
24 May 09
08:40 London Heathrow Airport (LHR) 6hr 50min
0 Stops First
Boeing 777-300
Sun
24 May 09
18:30 Dubai International Airport (DXB)
INBOUND Dubai, United Arab Emirates to London, United Kingdom
Flight
Depart / Arrive
Time
Airport
Duration / Stops
Class / Aircraft
EK005
Sun
31 May 09
15:45 Dubai International Airport (DXB) 7hr 30min
0 Stops First
Boeing 777-300
Sun
31 May 09
20:15 London Heathrow Airport (LHR)
Passengers
Passenger
Passport information
Contact information
Date of birth
Mr. Dovid Schmoigerman Not Applicable 044 181 8675309
EUROPA770@GMAIL.COM Not Applicable
Payment and Delivery Information
Ticketing option Local Emirates office
Billing address NA
Payment NA
Credit card number NA
Expiry date NA
Terms and Conditions
Online Booking Terms & Conditions
Conditions of Carriage
Special Offers by Email
1) There is no Bourj al-Harb hotel in Dubai. That would be the Bourj al-Arab. Bourj al-Harb is a play on Dar ul-Harb, meaning all lands that are not under Islam.
2) That reservation is not paid and just to see whether Ahmed is looking I sent him the whole reservation.
If he goes for this, much fun will occur on Sunday night when his man looks for Schmoigerman....
I wait to hearing from you soonest, Inbox X
graham ahmed to me
show details 12:27 PM (12 minutes ago)
Reply
Attention Mr.DOVID AZAZEL SCHMOIGERMAN,
How are you? I have just received your mail with the agreement signed now I wish to let you know that I will forward all your information to the Security Company where the fund was deposited for the charge of the ownership of the to your Name as the new beneficiary of the fund.
Also wish to inform you that this fund is deposited in (UAE ) Dubai in RED SECURITY COMPANY, also I will like to inform you that your present is needed in Dubai to sign some necessary document s as the beneficiary of the fund.
The charge of the ownership certificate will be send to you as soon as it don, and mean why I will also like you to visit Dubai so that you will meeting the Security company manager, for security reasons.
Now I want to know when you will be able to visit Dubai in this regards,
I wait to hearing from you soonest,
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed,
-----
emaining Anonymous to graham
show details 12:38 PM (2 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
I am leaving for Dubai on Sunday as per the following itinerary: Who will be meeting me there? I will be staying at the Bourj el-Harb Hotel (the famous tower).
Flight
Depart / Arrive
Time
Airport
Duration / Stops
Class / Aircraft
EK008
Sun
24 May 09
08:40 London Heathrow Airport (LHR) 6hr 50min
0 Stops First
Boeing 777-300
Sun
24 May 09
18:30 Dubai International Airport (DXB)
INBOUND Dubai, United Arab Emirates to London, United Kingdom
Flight
Depart / Arrive
Time
Airport
Duration / Stops
Class / Aircraft
EK005
Sun
31 May 09
15:45 Dubai International Airport (DXB) 7hr 30min
0 Stops First
Boeing 777-300
Sun
31 May 09
20:15 London Heathrow Airport (LHR)
Passengers
Passenger
Passport information
Contact information
Date of birth
Mr. Dovid Schmoigerman Not Applicable 044 181 8675309
EUROPA770@GMAIL.COM Not Applicable
Payment and Delivery Information
Ticketing option Local Emirates office
Billing address NA
Payment NA
Credit card number NA
Expiry date NA
Terms and Conditions
Online Booking Terms & Conditions
Conditions of Carriage
Special Offers by Email
1) There is no Bourj al-Harb hotel in Dubai. That would be the Bourj al-Arab. Bourj al-Harb is a play on Dar ul-Harb, meaning all lands that are not under Islam.
2) That reservation is not paid and just to see whether Ahmed is looking I sent him the whole reservation.
If he goes for this, much fun will occur on Sunday night when his man looks for Schmoigerman....
Ahmed sends an agreement; Schmoigerman signs it and has it notarized...
BS"D
SIGNED AND NOTARIZED AGREEMENT ATTACHED!
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:47 AM (6 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Thank you very much for the agreement which you so graciously and deceptively to me has sent. To be certain that it meets legal guidelines which are stricter due to my refugee status I had my signature notarized at the famed Stalls of Defecation in Hertforshire by the most noxious deceased notary, Dr George Habasch shlit"a. It is attached in its full and fictive glory.
-Dovid!
Click here for the agreement in pdf format.
On Fri, May 22, 2009 at 10:44 AM, graham ahmed wrote:
Attention: Mr.DOVID AZAZEL SCHMOIGERMAN,
Regarding to your mail I received, open the attachment sign the agreement and send it back to me, also I will like to let you know that, as soon as you sign the agreement and send it back to me, we can proceed.
YOU CAN CALL ME 0044-703 191 5963
Waiting to hear from you with the agreement.
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed
SIGNED AND NOTARIZED AGREEMENT ATTACHED!
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 11:47 AM (6 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Thank you very much for the agreement which you so graciously and deceptively to me has sent. To be certain that it meets legal guidelines which are stricter due to my refugee status I had my signature notarized at the famed Stalls of Defecation in Hertforshire by the most noxious deceased notary, Dr George Habasch shlit"a. It is attached in its full and fictive glory.
-Dovid!
Click here for the agreement in pdf format.
On Fri, May 22, 2009 at 10:44 AM, graham ahmed
Attention: Mr.DOVID AZAZEL SCHMOIGERMAN,
Regarding to your mail I received, open the attachment sign the agreement and send it back to me, also I will like to let you know that, as soon as you sign the agreement and send it back to me, we can proceed.
YOU CAN CALL ME 0044-703 191 5963
Waiting to hear from you with the agreement.
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Schmoigerman has rachmunes and sends his driver's licence...
BS"D
Remaining Anonymous to graham
show details 5:37 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
I realize that the document which I had sent earlier is neither licit nor legible and may present your esteemed excellency with problems. Therefore, so as not to delay the most deceptive and defalcatorious transaction any further I attach my driver's licence.
I will confess to you that I am a very poor driver and have had my British licence revocated, thereby compelling me to obtain a licence in France, as I maintain a summer residence in Ste Phenix de Domestos which is 5 kms from the border between France and Montenegro. I do hope to invite you along with Mrs Suha Arafat and her daughter to spend a part of the summer with my wife Tzoah and I once this transaction is successfully and ludicrously completed.
Yours,
Dovid
Explanation of French:
1) There is no Republique de la France Libre (Republic of Free France).
2) The words below it mean "Permit to Drive on the Sidewalk". I'll have to confess that "permis a conduire" is a true error on my part; the correct translation of driver's licence is "permis de conduire". For that matter, it should be le trottoir; trottoir is masculine gender and not feminine. Oh, well.
3) Schmoigerman's eyes are yellow. He is also a very big guy at 191 cms (about 6 1/2 feet) tall and 149 kgs (328 pounds).
4) Schmoigerman wears glasses (lunettes); note picture of slender man without glasses; it is deceased Israeli singer Zohar Argov who hanged himself in jail and is therefore a Creedmoorer.
5) The date of birth (April 1, 1950) does not match that which Schmoigerman gave Dr Ahmed in his bank documents but Ahmed probably thinks that is the date of issue of the licence and there is nothing to indicate otherwise. Schmoigerman will explain that he miscalculated his civil birthday using the Zionist calendar as opposed to his Kedushas Klux Karta kalendar should the question arise.
6) Needless to say there is no border between France and Montenegro; Phenix is the brand of arak favored by French Jews and Domestos is a British household cleaner.
And needless to say, if this moron doesn't realize he has been had by now, he must have only one brain cell left.
If he responds again, Schmoigerman will ask to meet him in London or Paris............
Here is Schmoigerman's Passport....
BS"D
LS"D
I am of "Israeli" nationality; however due to my unrelenting opposition to the racist policies of that country I was stripped of my citizenship and due to fear of persecution I use the refugee document attached.
-Rabbi Schmoigerman
------------------------
This one came from a faked Burkina Faso passport used for a 419 scheme in Japan. A little kindergarten level Photoshopping and adding a blacked out picture of the late Israeli singer Zohar Argov made it as authentic as the letter from Suha Arafat that got all of this started...
LS"D
I am of "Israeli" nationality; however due to my unrelenting opposition to the racist policies of that country I was stripped of my citizenship and due to fear of persecution I use the refugee document attached.
-Rabbi Schmoigerman
------------------------
This one came from a faked Burkina Faso passport used for a 419 scheme in Japan. A little kindergarten level Photoshopping and adding a blacked out picture of the late Israeli singer Zohar Argov made it as authentic as the letter from Suha Arafat that got all of this started...
Is there any limit to their stupidity? Graham Ahmed requests Schmoigerman's details and he responds...
BS"D
graham ahmed to me
show details 9:39 AM (1 hour ago)
Reply
Attention: Dr David Schmoigerman,
How are you and your family? open the attachment fill the Details bellow to enable us proceed to the bank for the transfer of the fund, in the agreement you will see your Parentage as a fund manager,
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed.
Reply
LS"D
Attached please find the details you requested. I will forward a copy of my passport later in the evening.
Our Ref: AXT21/05/09
Your Ref:KISHMIR.
Attention:
Here are the details we needed from you to enable us processes the change of ownership to your name as the beneficiary of the fund.
1) Your full name: Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman
2) Occupation: Rabbi and Incendiary Services Contractor
3) Address: Creedmoor House, Creedmoor, Queens, Hertfordshire (UK) KT1 FU2
4) Date of birth: June 30, 1950
5) Nationality: (this Schmoigerman omitted; he hasn't decided which documents to send and will decide this when he sends his document).
6) Your Telephone number: +44 01344 773 111
7) The bank name where the fund will be transfer into Bank Gotkafa, (Istanbul, Turkey)
8) Account holder's name: Congregation Sinas Chinam of Creedmoor
9) Account number 8675309666
10) Swift Code... OR Route Number.: SWIFT: GOTK AFA1
11) A copy of your international passport or driver lincence (will be sent under separate cover).
Finally, you are hereby to be informing that this Institution or Agency will not be hold responsible for any delay that will cost by you from the transfer of the fund. To your bank account in your country.
Kindly send me all the above-mentioned details to enable us commence the transfer of the money and also us processes the change of the ownership of the fund to your name as the beneficiary of the fund.
In the agreement you will see your pesentage as a fund manager.
Regards,
Barrister. Graham Ahmed.
-------------
To save everyone a little time:
1) Gotkafa is a Turkish word meaning one whose anatomy is rather unusual in that his head and buttocks are melded into a single unit (or, in medical terminology, a yukel ver hot zayn tuches in kop). Needless to say there is no Bank Gotkafa in Turkey.
2) The phone number Schmoigerman sent to Ahmed is that of Broadmoor Psychiatric Hospital, a respite home for the criminally insane in England.
graham ahmed to me
show details 9:39 AM (1 hour ago)
Reply
Attention: Dr David Schmoigerman,
How are you and your family? open the attachment fill the Details bellow to enable us proceed to the bank for the transfer of the fund, in the agreement you will see your Parentage as a fund manager,
Thanks,
Barrister Graham Ahmed.
Reply
LS"D
Attached please find the details you requested. I will forward a copy of my passport later in the evening.
Our Ref: AXT21/05/09
Your Ref:KISHMIR.
Attention:
Here are the details we needed from you to enable us processes the change of ownership to your name as the beneficiary of the fund.
1) Your full name: Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman
2) Occupation: Rabbi and Incendiary Services Contractor
3) Address: Creedmoor House, Creedmoor, Queens, Hertfordshire (UK) KT1 FU2
4) Date of birth: June 30, 1950
5) Nationality: (this Schmoigerman omitted; he hasn't decided which documents to send and will decide this when he sends his document).
6) Your Telephone number: +44 01344 773 111
7) The bank name where the fund will be transfer into Bank Gotkafa, (Istanbul, Turkey)
8) Account holder's name: Congregation Sinas Chinam of Creedmoor
9) Account number 8675309666
10) Swift Code... OR Route Number.: SWIFT: GOTK AFA1
11) A copy of your international passport or driver lincence (will be sent under separate cover).
Finally, you are hereby to be informing that this Institution or Agency will not be hold responsible for any delay that will cost by you from the transfer of the fund. To your bank account in your country.
Kindly send me all the above-mentioned details to enable us commence the transfer of the money and also us processes the change of the ownership of the fund to your name as the beneficiary of the fund.
In the agreement you will see your pesentage as a fund manager.
Regards,
Barrister. Graham Ahmed.
-------------
To save everyone a little time:
1) Gotkafa is a Turkish word meaning one whose anatomy is rather unusual in that his head and buttocks are melded into a single unit (or, in medical terminology, a yukel ver hot zayn tuches in kop). Needless to say there is no Bank Gotkafa in Turkey.
2) The phone number Schmoigerman sent to Ahmed is that of Broadmoor Psychiatric Hospital, a respite home for the criminally insane in England.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Mrs Arafat Responds: Schmoigerman Continues to Reply
BS"D
suha arafat
cc grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
date Wed, May 20, 2009 at 10:52 PM
subject Re: From Mrs Suha Arafat )Waiting for your urgent respond,You will also see my picture.
mailed-by gmail.com
hide details 10:52 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Dear Rabbanit Arafat, may you live long and prosper many layers below sea level (as is said in the dialect of Kurdish Yiddish that I speak):
1) I am a member of the recognized anti-Zionist clergy and therefore am tax exempt. As this is clearly a humanitarian transaction to aid the widow of a great and reprehensible depraved and subhumanitarian as was your great husband Yassir who is tiff, tiff in der erd (in a very warm and pleasant part of the highest reaches of the heaven called Sheol Tachtis), I can legally transact your illusory funds with no need whatsoever for payment of tax to any government entitiy.
2) I would highly suggest that you invest in US Government Section 8 Bonds, which are backed by subsidized housing and only appreciate in value as the demand for such housing keeps rising thanks to my instructions to my many followers to live only in such dwellings as are financed by the Section 8 program.
3) I can purchase a house for you and your daughter to settle anywhere in the EU due to my clergyman status, which was granted to our family by the fourth Duke of Earl and re-established by Dukem Nukem before the fall of the Romanov dynasty during the French revolution. Our name of Schmoigerman is an ancient one and comes from the Old Slavonic Shoiteh, Menuval veGas Ruach, meaning the highest level of service to the Lord and the greatest opposition to the scourge of an honest day's work.
I look very forward to receiving a draft agreement from your attorney so that I may pass it on for perusal by several members of the feline species who live in my courtyard and are very well versed in legal matters.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Dr David Schmoigerman, Grand Rabbi of the Disjointed Communities of Creedmoor.
- Hide quoted text -
On Wed, May 20, 2009 at 8:21 PM, suha arafat wrote:
Hello My Dear Dr David Schmoigerman,
I thank you for your quick and kind respond Yes I am sure in your question, on assisting me toward the transaction of my fund to you in your country for safe keeping, However I have gone through your email over and over.
And the contents of your email are quite understood. My instinct tells me that you worth doing this transaction with me.
I assure you that we can do this transaction very successfully but you have to keep it very confidential for security reasons.
At the same time I already instruct my attorney to you first of all draft an agreement between both of us for the safe of my fund and he will direct you on the step of the transfer to avoid any mistake.
I will like to meet you face to face in your country after my fund get transfer to your personal or company Bank account in your country.
Please my dear, I only need you to assure me that you are not going to sit on top my fund when it get transfer to your Bank account.
Therefore, be kind to clarify the following for me:
1Can your account accommodate this fund in your local bank without government intervention or do you have an account outside your country where you may consider safe for this fund.
2. What is taxation in your country, as I desire a Low/free tax zone.
3. What other lucrative investments would you suggest us to invest the fund?
4. Can you be able to make residential documents and purchase a house for me and my only daughter to relocate and settle in your country?
Here is the contact details of my attorney to enable you contact him,feel free to contact him because i have paid him for his services,
Name: Dr. Graham Ahmed
Email: grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
Tel: +44-703 191 5963
Telefax+44703 18 5 5165
Waiting for your urgent respond,You will also see my picture.
Best Regards,
Hajia.Suha Arafat.
suha arafat
cc grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
date Wed, May 20, 2009 at 10:52 PM
subject Re: From Mrs Suha Arafat )Waiting for your urgent respond,You will also see my picture.
mailed-by gmail.com
hide details 10:52 PM (0 minutes ago)
Reply
LS"D
Dear Rabbanit Arafat, may you live long and prosper many layers below sea level (as is said in the dialect of Kurdish Yiddish that I speak):
1) I am a member of the recognized anti-Zionist clergy and therefore am tax exempt. As this is clearly a humanitarian transaction to aid the widow of a great and reprehensible depraved and subhumanitarian as was your great husband Yassir who is tiff, tiff in der erd (in a very warm and pleasant part of the highest reaches of the heaven called Sheol Tachtis), I can legally transact your illusory funds with no need whatsoever for payment of tax to any government entitiy.
2) I would highly suggest that you invest in US Government Section 8 Bonds, which are backed by subsidized housing and only appreciate in value as the demand for such housing keeps rising thanks to my instructions to my many followers to live only in such dwellings as are financed by the Section 8 program.
3) I can purchase a house for you and your daughter to settle anywhere in the EU due to my clergyman status, which was granted to our family by the fourth Duke of Earl and re-established by Dukem Nukem before the fall of the Romanov dynasty during the French revolution. Our name of Schmoigerman is an ancient one and comes from the Old Slavonic Shoiteh, Menuval veGas Ruach, meaning the highest level of service to the Lord and the greatest opposition to the scourge of an honest day's work.
I look very forward to receiving a draft agreement from your attorney so that I may pass it on for perusal by several members of the feline species who live in my courtyard and are very well versed in legal matters.
Sincerely,
Rabbi Dr David Schmoigerman, Grand Rabbi of the Disjointed Communities of Creedmoor.
- Hide quoted text -
On Wed, May 20, 2009 at 8:21 PM, suha arafat
Hello My Dear Dr David Schmoigerman,
I thank you for your quick and kind respond Yes I am sure in your question, on assisting me toward the transaction of my fund to you in your country for safe keeping, However I have gone through your email over and over.
And the contents of your email are quite understood. My instinct tells me that you worth doing this transaction with me.
I assure you that we can do this transaction very successfully but you have to keep it very confidential for security reasons.
At the same time I already instruct my attorney to you first of all draft an agreement between both of us for the safe of my fund and he will direct you on the step of the transfer to avoid any mistake.
I will like to meet you face to face in your country after my fund get transfer to your personal or company Bank account in your country.
Please my dear, I only need you to assure me that you are not going to sit on top my fund when it get transfer to your Bank account.
Therefore, be kind to clarify the following for me:
1Can your account accommodate this fund in your local bank without government intervention or do you have an account outside your country where you may consider safe for this fund.
2. What is taxation in your country, as I desire a Low/free tax zone.
3. What other lucrative investments would you suggest us to invest the fund?
4. Can you be able to make residential documents and purchase a house for me and my only daughter to relocate and settle in your country?
Here is the contact details of my attorney to enable you contact him,feel free to contact him because i have paid him for his services,
Name: Dr. Graham Ahmed
Email: grahamahmedattorneys2@live.com
Tel: +44-703 191 5963
Telefax+44703 18 5 5165
Waiting for your urgent respond,You will also see my picture.
Best Regards,
Hajia.Suha Arafat.
Schmoigerman Responds to Letter from Suha Arafat...
BS"D
LS”D
Dear Rabbanit Arafat:
As a believing Jew, a true follower of the Kosher Sutra and one who engages in the issurei skila on a daily basis, I was always an admirer of your late husband. I am a member of the International Federation of the Kedushas Klux Karta, a truly Jewish and odious organization which was established to wipe out the Zionist entity in our time and to encourage dependence on entitlement programs and foreign aid.
Therefore, I am at your effluent disposal to assist in any matters regarding your late husband arur veyemach shmo lanetzach la’ad (this is a phrase of utmost respect which we also use to describe the prophet Muhammad al-Khinzeer). Please contact me as soon as possible as I am anxious to assist you in recovering this honestly and deficiently obtained money as soon as possible. I am of course more than honest for if not I would not be a recipient of Section 8 cheques totaling over 10,000,00,00 dollars a month from the World Body of Housing Subsidy for the assistance of poor families in my community.
Rabbi Dr David Schmoigerman
Khal Adas Sinas Chinom
Sinas Chinom House
Creedmoor, Queens, Hertfordshire Q18 NV2
-----
From: suha arafat [mailto:suhaarafat00271@msn.
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 12:25 PM
Subject: From Mrs. Suha Arafat of Palestinian Leader (STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL)
From Mrs. Suha Arafat
Private Email: suha01a@gmail.com
Dear Intending partner,
This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the I international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular, I am Mrs.SUHA ARAFAT the wife of YASSER ARAFAT, the Palestinian Leader who died recently in Paris.
Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of
antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister.
I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so
traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment.
You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government.
In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life.
As you know, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.
You can visit the broadcast below for better understanding of what I am talking about;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3479937.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3995769.stm
I have deposited the sum of 20 million dollars with a private security firm abroad whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and any Investment opportunity.
This arrangement is known to you and my personal Attorney. He might be dealing with you directly for security reasons as the case may be. In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $20,000,000 that will be kept in your position for a while and invested in your name for my
trust.
Please if you are honest, I am going to entrust more funds in your care as this is one of the legacy we keep for our children. In case you don't accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith.
Mrs. Suha Arafat
On be-half of my family.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Heeeee'z Back - Ahron Cohen, ShaDaR of the Creedmoorer, is in Teheran
BS"D
Ahron Cohen, the Manchester Disunited shada"r (schmegegge, degenerate, rosho) of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, who is known as the Szarkonosvary Rov, is back in Teheran.
For those who need some background:
Ahron Cohen, the Manchester Disunited shada"r (schmegegge, degenerate, rosho) of the Admou"r meCreedmoor, who is known as the Szarkonosvary Rov, is back in Teheran.
While his mentor and leader, the Creedmoorer, had to leave early for insurance purposes, the hollowed and desalted Szarkonosvary Rov is in Teheran calling for people to boycott products which are not "noki mechashash tumas haTzioinus".
Cohen is also set to become Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's third wife, after his divorce from the now penitent M.A.F. which was indeed arranged by a beis din consisting of Cohen, the Creedmoorer and Ayatollah Khamenei, the Chief Rabbi of Shiite Islam whose smicha is as good as that of the other two.
For those who need some background:
We are compelled to present part three of the fascinating tale of how this great leader of the Creedmoor affiliated Ku Klutz Karta managed to lift himself from the isolation and dullness of his native Szarkonosvary, via Creedmoor and a similar institution of higher psychiatric treatment in the UK, to reach his present and inglorious depths.
More coming this week...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Schmoigerman Flu infection leads to Dutch Elm Disease...
BS"D
An E-mail from the CDC (Center for Defraudment Control a/k/a Center for Double Coupons) has arrived with the subject above. We are attempting to decipher the scientific jargon used therein and will report more as soon as possible.
What we do understand is that Mohammed Werczberger was the focal point of both the Schmoigerman Flu AND Dutch Elm Disease epidemics and that he just might face destruction and reincarnation under another name as far as benefits are concerned. Alternately, he may be registered as permanently disabled by the onslaught of both diseases so as to maximize his earnings potential, Creedmoor style.
What we do understand is that Mohammed Werczberger was the focal point of both the Schmoigerman Flu AND Dutch Elm Disease epidemics and that he just might face destruction and reincarnation under another name as far as benefits are concerned. Alternately, he may be registered as permanently disabled by the onslaught of both diseases so as to maximize his earnings potential, Creedmoor style.
Apparently the connection has to do with a large life insurance policy on the Werczberger family which is insured as having 19 siblings, of whom Mohammed is the middle child and of whom 11 are disabled R"L L"A nisht emmes gezigt.
It also has to do with an organism which traveled via a paper airplane on which both Mohammed Werczberger and the Admou"r were passengers and which infected all aboard ever since Werczberger flew on it from Lee Avenue to Division Street, where it was picked up and mailed to Creedmoor. There, the unsuspecting Admou"r flew it to Iran and the epidemic really began.
Please keep saying Satanic verses.
Dutch Elm Disease Update
BS"D
In a radical departure from the simple insurance fire and welfare scams that have been the hallmark of Creedmoor, the Admou'r's personal physician has informed us that he is acting as the agent for his esteemed patient in an attempt to obtain Federal funding for a medical research program that will devote billions of dollars to formulating a vaccine for Dutch Elm Disease in psychotic patients suffering from extreme kleptomania manifesting itself as feigned multiple personality disorder.
Thirty one trillion cases of Dutch Elm Disease have been reported among (phantom) members of the Creedmoorer kehilla and Dr Gimpel Arskowitz has already submitted samples of a new antifungal to the FDA. The Creedmoorer pharmaceutical breakthrough is a brackish, malodourous liquid which is derived from slivovitz, kiddush wine, and a common US household cleaner called "Top Job" and has been fast tracked for immediate FDA approval in order to contain the epidemic.
And Rabbi Schmoigerman has already reported a serious fire in his "SchmoigerPharm" factory in Isla Marica, Puerto Rico, where equipment has been installed to manufacture this antibiotic, called Geneyvamycin, in sufficient quantities to treat quintillions of patients, all eligible for Medicaid and SSI during the lengthy rehabilitation necessary after infection with Dutch Elm Disease, Creedmoorer variant.
More coming later....
Admou"r Returns From Iran with Diagnosis of Dutch Elm Disease L"A R"L..
BS"D
Dutch Elm Disease, the scourge of many a tree, has somehow infected the Admou"r meCreedmoor. A one of a kind medical occurence? A new strain of Dutch Elm Disease which is found in Iran and attacks people? Or the prelude to a colossal new medical scam?
More tomorrow...
"We ask that people daven for the well being of our great and exalted Leader, the Menivel haDor beKol HaDoros, Ben Yochid d'Sitra Achra, Roish veRishoin leKol Dovor shebeGezel veMirmo, Kvoid Kedeishas Addledeinu Moroneinu veRabideinu, who is suffering from a severe case of Dutch Elm Disease, contracted while in Iran.
He is in critical condition in his private ward at Creedmoor and is being treated by several international specialists.
Please say prakim Pay and Tzaddik of the Koran 170 (Pay Tzaddik) times while standing on your head for the refuah sheleima of all the gufim and nefashois of Rabbeyne Doovid ben Cholerye..."
Dutch Elm Disease, the scourge of many a tree, has somehow infected the Admou"r meCreedmoor. A one of a kind medical occurence? A new strain of Dutch Elm Disease which is found in Iran and attacks people? Or the prelude to a colossal new medical scam?
More tomorrow...
Friday, May 15, 2009
Creedmoorer Leader Sets Exchange Rate for Food Stamp
BS"D
Schmoigerman adjudicated the dispute by referring to his famed work of Jewish law "Sur MeYoisher" in which he had set the exchange rate of the food stamp to equal the price of three square inches of kokosh cake, a common food item that is not covered by the food stamp program.
Since the price for a three square inch piece of kokosh cake varies from 65 cents to $1.50, Rabbi Schmoigerman instead set an exchange rate of 85 cents to the food stamp with the stipulation that he receive 10 cents on each food stamp as a fee for deciding the case.
The feuding cousins agreed to this rate and accepted upon themselves the task of collecting the 10 cent commission from all participating merchants.
So far, 100 leading retailers in Williamsburgh, Boro Park, Monsey and Monroe have joined the program.
A coalition of retailers which accept the US Food Stamp as legal tender for the purchase of items that are excluded from the Food Stamp program has asked a controversial Queens rabbi to set a unified food stamp exchange rate.
Gimpel Grosz, proprietor of "Eeew, It's Grosz" Hardware and Furnishings, who accepts food stamps for "alle zachen" at varying rates, and his cousin Shmilu Fekete, whose "Fekete Hymish Bakery" sells mostly prepared goods that are not covered by the program, approached the rabbi, David Schmoigerman, after an argument as to whether a food stamp is worth seventy-five cents or eighty cents.
Schmoigerman adjudicated the dispute by referring to his famed work of Jewish law "Sur MeYoisher" in which he had set the exchange rate of the food stamp to equal the price of three square inches of kokosh cake, a common food item that is not covered by the food stamp program.
Since the price for a three square inch piece of kokosh cake varies from 65 cents to $1.50, Rabbi Schmoigerman instead set an exchange rate of 85 cents to the food stamp with the stipulation that he receive 10 cents on each food stamp as a fee for deciding the case.
The feuding cousins agreed to this rate and accepted upon themselves the task of collecting the 10 cent commission from all participating merchants.
Said merchants will display a "Gezel Plimbe", a seal stating that they operate in flagrant violation of US government laws regarding the food stamp program.
The "gezel plimbe" is meant to frighten inspectors into believing that any attempt at enforcing those laws will be met with a "Chaptzem! Shygetz Aross! Shecht'em in a brooche" response from all participating merchants once a signal is sent out that an inspector has entered a participatings store.
So far, 100 leading retailers in Williamsburgh, Boro Park, Monsey and Monroe have joined the program.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Schmoigerman Receives Insurance Payout After Nuclear Explosion!
BS"D
Said explosion was carried out for insurance purposes, as the Creedmoorer Entity has produced title deeds to several abandoned warehouses located on Jupiter. All warehouses were heavily insured before the accident took place.
Newsflash (IPRNA - Iranian Pistachio Republic News Agency)
It has been confirmed that the Iranian nuclear weapons program, now assisted by the building arm of the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor, has inadvertently detonated a thirty four megaton nuclear device on the planet Jupiter.
Said explosion was carried out for insurance purposes, as the Creedmoorer Entity has produced title deeds to several abandoned warehouses located on Jupiter. All warehouses were heavily insured before the accident took place.
As insurance inspectors are not able to travel to nuclear irradiated sites on Jupiter, the payouts have been approved and payment has been made to the leader of the Creedmoorer Entity, Rabbi David Schmoigerman.
Rabbi Schmoigerman has guaranteed that our nuclear weapons can now be used to eradicate insured property throughout the realm of the Great Satan and the Zionist entity, and indeed throughout the solar system and all other galaxies. We salute the great and mighty deeds of our partner, who has made it possible for us to eradicate all enemies of Islam at a very great and mighty profit.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Admou"r meCreedmoor Permits Lag B'Oimer This Year Within His Halachic Guidelines
BS"D
In a stunning reversal of his former position regarding Lag B'Oimer festivities in previous years, this year the Admou"r meCreedmoor is not only permitting, but also encouraging, his followers to take part in Lag B'Oimer festivities, on Tuesday along with all other communities.
In a stunning reversal of his former position regarding Lag B'Oimer festivities in previous years, this year the Admou"r meCreedmoor is not only permitting, but also encouraging, his followers to take part in Lag B'Oimer festivities, on Tuesday along with all other communities.
Speaking from his padded hotel room in Teheran, where he remains in seclusion with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Admou"r stated:
"Yes it is true that Shimon bar Yochai was a tzioini who did not do the right thing and surrender to the Romans. However, it must be remembered that one of the essential parts of the tzioni celebration is a bonfire. And we know that the mitzvah of sryfis habayis, which of course also includes fire, as well as that exalted mitzvah known as sryfis hadegel, can be carried out at a bonfire according to the great practices which have been instituted as the very essence of Chassidus Creedmoor.
According to the Megale Arayois, the halachos of bonfires on Lag B'Oimer are as follows:
1) A Tzioini flag soaked with pure Iranian or Venezuelan crude oil must be used to start the fire.
2) The fire cannot under any circumstances be carried out in an open location, as this is the custom of the evil tzioinim who have uprooted all that is good and holy.
3) The fire must be carried out "leshem mitzvas sryfis hadegel vehabinyan" and NOT lekovod the memory of the Tzioini Shimon Bar Yochai who some erroneously call Rabbi which is a title that does not accrue to any Tzioini.
4) Therefore, an appraisal of the property, home, store, warehouse, factory or office building, in which the bonfire is to be carried out must be performed prior to Lag b'Oimer by a licenced fire insurance adjuster who is of the Brotherhood of Creedmoor.
5) And the figure of the appraisal as per traditional means of said appraisal must be multiplied by a power of 613 before it is submitted to the insurance companies on our Approved List for purchase of multiple policies.
6) In addition, an inventory of flammable valuables must be forged and added to the Appraisal so that the rewards of Sryfis HaBinyan will be properly multiplied yet again.
7) Under no condition is the Fire Department to be called unless it is a volunteer force made up solely of members of the Brotherhood of Creedmoor who can be guaranteed to issue a proper fire report. Only when all evidence of the hyliger mitzvoh of arson, which is far too holy to be witnesssed by a tzioini Fire Department, has been destroyed, may a fire department not affiliated with Creedmoor be called.
8) The bonfire will be considered finished, and the mitzvois of Sryfis haDegel and Sryfis haBinyan fulfilled according to halacha, only when a representative of the Arba Misois Byse Din of Creedmoor visits the place of conflagration and pronounces the words: "S'iz geven a gitte sryfe". This will take place only when a suitable amount of funds, equalling 130% of the insurance policies issued, is remitted to the Arba Misois Byse Din.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
"Meshune Toyre" - The Essential Creedmoorer Sefer
BS"D
Finally. The halachic piskei din of the Admou"r meCreedmoor in three soft rolls of 1000 sheets each. Based on sources such as the Avnei Skila, Shygetz Aross Rabba, and the Sreyfas HaBayis, the new set of sforim contains a full set of:
Finally. The halachic piskei din of the Admou"r meCreedmoor in three soft rolls of 1000 sheets each. Based on sources such as the Avnei Skila, Shygetz Aross Rabba, and the Sreyfas HaBayis, the new set of sforim contains a full set of:
1) Halachos of Arson
2) Halachos of Welfare Fraud
3) Halachos of Counterfeiting
4) Halachos of Feign
"Creedmoor Va'ad Sryfis haBinyan" to help construct Iranian nuclear reactor
BS"D
As the Admou"r is a world renowned expert in profitable destruction, who indeed shares the anti-Zionist and antihumanitarian aims of the Islamic regime in Iran, his construction firm is the ideal partner to help us achieve our aim of destroying the Zionist entity once and for all."
NEWSFLASH:
The Admou"r's visit to Iran has resulted in a lucrative oil for arson deal in which the famous construction arm of the Creedmoorer community "Va'ad Sryfis haBinyan" will participate in the building of the nuclear reactor in Iran.
According to a press release from FARCE Islamic News Service of Iran:
"The Islamic 'A Pistachio Is Nowhere As Big As A Banana' Republic of Iran welcomes the participation of the official national building company of our fellow Anti-Zionist entity, the Independent Republic of Baseless Hatred of the Chassidim of Creedmoor, in our destructive nuclear energy program. We welcome the exalted Admou"r, the ruler of this great and esteemed entity, to Iran and are pleased to enter into an agreement with him and his national construction firm.
As the Admou"r is a world renowned expert in profitable destruction, who indeed shares the anti-Zionist and antihumanitarian aims of the Islamic regime in Iran, his construction firm is the ideal partner to help us achieve our aim of destroying the Zionist entity once and for all."
Apparently the Admou"r has taken out insurance policies on the entire country of Iran, the entire region, and all inhabitants thereof including 10000 phantom dependents for each family and single woman. As often occurs lately in these times of world crisis, the offices of international insurance firms are swamped by an overload of applications for life, property, fire and nuclear damage insurance, all originating from a single server in Iran.
Our board of Creedmoor analysts predicts an earth shattering phantom nuclear explosion, caused by acts of sabotage at the Iranian nuclear facility, and blamed on "the worldwide Zionist conspiracy".
More to come regarding this colossal development scam later this week.
The Admou"r Has Returned to Iran
BS"D
Apparently, Ahmadinejad (known as Baba Mahmoud to Creedmoorer Chassidim who flock to Teheran for his brochos and eitzos) wishes to dissolve his marriage to perennial freakjob Moshe Aryeh Friedman after the latter recanted his extreme views on radio.
The Admou"r meCreedmoor is now in Teheran, Iran, where he is meeting with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Apparently, Ahmadinejad (known as Baba Mahmoud to Creedmoorer Chassidim who flock to Teheran for his brochos and eitzos) wishes to dissolve his marriage to perennial freakjob Moshe Aryeh Friedman after the latter recanted his extreme views on radio.
Needless to say, the marriage was not valid according to any halachic opinion except for that of the Admou"r meCreedmoor. Rumors that a Conservative imam had performed the marriage were inaccurate, as even the Conservative branch of Shiite Islam does not marry an already married man to another man, sheep, or sow.
Instead, it transpired that the imam who married the couple was none other than Imam Hahham BaLaylot Manouchehr Kamtzanzadeh, the Creedmoorer shaliach to the Machane Yehuda market in Yerushalayim. Kamtzanzadeh, who sells laundry powder disguised as cocaine or heroin to desperate addicts, as well as illegally imported dates and pistachios from Iran with the famous Creedmoor "naki mekol chashas tumas haTzioinus" hechsher, is known as "Mr 650 Gram" because he has been arrested and fined 100 times for setting his scales to register 650 grams as a full kilogram. (His customers, mainly Ku Klux Karta extremists from Meah Shearim, accept this as they are told that a 1000 gram kilo is a Zionist kilogram and is therefore ossur lemehadrin).
However, that stall is but a cover for Kamtzanzadeh's activities as a liaison between Bituah Leumi and the Admou'r meCreedmoor's 300 million phantom personalities in the Zionist entity. He is also said to be the Ambassador of the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Creedmoor to Iran.
Owing to his Iranian origins and fluency in Farsi, he was asked to officiate at the wedding between Ahmadinejad and Friedman, for which he was compensated with 10 tons of rancid pistachios. Kamtzanzadeh, a true Creedmoorer, is said to be selling these inedible nuts to Betar Yerushalayim fans who in turn use them for various nefarious purposes during football (soccer) matches. Rumors also have it that he is working with the Chief Baryoin of the United Mishmeres HaTznius/Va'ad haShababnikim d'Yerushalayim to convert the pistachios into a hard, flammable napalm like substance which will make it easier for self appointed haredim to burn down garbage cans and set cars alight during demonstrations.
However, Kamtzanzadeh, being a mere Hahham BaLaylot, is not qualified to sit on a Beis Din which issues a get mishkava d'zachra. This can only be done by the Admou"r himself and he is indeed doing just that. Payment is said to include 100,000 barrels of Iranian crude, packaged in convenient gallon containers with wicks inserted so as to make it easier for untrained personnel to successfully commit arson with no need for extensive lessons or fire safety training.
The Admou"r is expected to return later this week, and we will finally be able to interview him regarding the goings on at his Yom HaAtzamois festivities upon said return.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
New Creedmoor Coming Later This Week
BS"D
I am still awaiting some details from the Admou"r regarding his Yoim Ha'Atzamois burn-up and hope to post more about it tomorrow or Tuesday.
I am still awaiting some details from the Admou"r regarding his Yoim Ha'Atzamois burn-up and hope to post more about it tomorrow or Tuesday.
In the meantime I have been busy with my very non Creedmoor site ABillionShouts! Check it out and Shout it Out!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Madoff and Borukhova Honored at Yom Ha'Atzamois Banquet...
BS"D
In keeping with the Creedmoor tradition of rewarding the grossest and most vile mechalelei Hashem of the year, Bernard Madoff was honored at the main sryfis hadegel and banquet, and Dr Mazoltuv Borukhova was the guest of greatest esteem at the N'shei Cholere d' Chabad Yom ha'Atzamois truncheon luncheon and burqa fashion exhibition.
But everyone knows that both of these great and honorable people are under government custody...how was it that both showed up at a banquet held in the exercise ward of Creedmoor?
Did the Admou"r really manage to outscam and take advantage of the greatest scammer of the century while he defrauded a heartless murderer?
In keeping with the Creedmoor tradition of rewarding the grossest and most vile mechalelei Hashem of the year, Bernard Madoff was honored at the main sryfis hadegel and banquet, and Dr Mazoltuv Borukhova was the guest of greatest esteem at the N'shei Cholere d' Chabad Yom ha'Atzamois truncheon luncheon and burqa fashion exhibition.
And both were officialy welcomed into the bathroom medicine cabinet of the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor - Madoff as Finance Minister and Borukhova as Minister of Health and Instant Justice.
But everyone knows that both of these great and honorable people are under government custody...how was it that both showed up at a banquet held in the exercise ward of Creedmoor?
Did the Admou"r really manage to outscam and take advantage of the greatest scammer of the century while he defrauded a heartless murderer?
We know the answer is of course in the affirmative..........................
More coming on Sunday.....
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Another Preview - The Schmoigerman Flu
BS"D
Mohammed Abd ul-Jamhariya ul-Karime* Werczberger, (sometimes spelled Muhammad, Mohammad, Muhamad, or even Mehmet or Mahmoud, with his surname being rendered as Wercberger, Wircberger, Wertzberger, or even Weinberger or Whank(berg)er for that matter if another cheque needed to be issued to another bureaucrat so he would participate in and therefore overlook the devious machinations of the Schmoigerman fraud empire), is a typical, average, undistinguished student in the Yeshiva Ktana Pesha veResha elementary school system of the Creedmoorer communities.
So, when little Mohammed needs a checkup in order to get prescription drugs, or medical equipment, or SSI, or disability, or anything that can be given to a physically, developmentally, mentally and existentially deficient young lad, his medical diagnosis, to say nothing of his height and weight, changes at will.
So, young Mohammed was duly reported by ten different Medicaid clinics as weighing 50 lbs and standing a mere three feet tall at the age of eleven.
But now was the time for the ultimate. The Schmoigerman Flu.
For Yoim HaAtzamois had arrived and the grand Admou"r had no intention of using any of his present cash reserves to fund celebrations that would burn throughout the galaxy....
Mohammed Abd ul-Jamhariya ul-Karime* Werczberger, (sometimes spelled Muhammad, Mohammad, Muhamad, or even Mehmet or Mahmoud, with his surname being rendered as Wercberger, Wircberger, Wertzberger, or even Weinberger or Whank(berg)er for that matter if another cheque needed to be issued to another bureaucrat so he would participate in and therefore overlook the devious machinations of the Schmoigerman fraud empire), is a typical, average, undistinguished student in the Yeshiva Ktana Pesha veResha elementary school system of the Creedmoorer communities.
That is to say, he does not exist in the flesh or in any other place, time, planet or dimension except on the welfare, Medicaid, SSI, and disability rolls of the US Federal Government and as the child of one or more recipients of Section 8 and heating assistance.
So, when little Mohammed needs a checkup in order to get prescription drugs, or medical equipment, or SSI, or disability, or anything that can be given to a physically, developmentally, mentally and existentially deficient young lad, his medical diagnosis, to say nothing of his height and weight, changes at will.
Last winter, the Admou'r needed hundreds of doses of human growth hormone for his illegal online pharmacy, SchmoigerDrug (known colloquially as SchmatteDreck). Of course, he made those hundreds into thousands by diluting the bit of legitimate hormone he obtained with vinegar and liquefied galle, but he did have to get at least some actual medication to begin with.
So, young Mohammed was duly reported by ten different Medicaid clinics as weighing 50 lbs and standing a mere three feet tall at the age of eleven.
And when the Admou'r's orders for diet pills increased for the Pesach eating season, Mohammed suddenly gained weight to tip the phantom scales at a colossal, veritably ursine if not bovine, 200 pounds at a less than towering 4 feet of height.
The Admou'r has an order for electric chairs from some Nigerian prince? No problem. Mohammed was duly diagnosed as a hopeless quadriplegic (after an accident in which he fell off the face of the Earth where he had never been seen in any event), in need of eleven electric wheelchairs for each spelling of his name because he suffered from Tourette's and personality disorders that caused him to wreck every last chair he received......
But now was the time for the ultimate. The Schmoigerman Flu.
For Yoim HaAtzamois had arrived and the grand Admou"r had no intention of using any of his present cash reserves to fund celebrations that would burn throughout the galaxy....
(part 2 coming on Sunday)
* Servant of the Generous Government
The Schmoigerman Flu Ravages Creedmoor
BS"D
It all began when Mohammed Werczberger, a star talmid in Yeshiva Ktana Pesha ve'Resha, had forms sent to Patelowitz Medicaid Mill in East Flatbush for reimbursement.
The number of victims diagnosed: eleven billion.
The number of dwelling, school, yeshiva and storage premises which had to be burned down for insurance in order to sterilize them after exposure to the Schmoigerman Flu virus: three hundred million.
It all began when Mohammed Werczberger, a star talmid in Yeshiva Ktana Pesha ve'Resha, had forms sent to Patelowitz Medicaid Mill in East Flatbush for reimbursement.
Rajesh Patel and Shmilu Arskowitz, two deluxe Creedmoorers with hard earned medical diplomas duly designed and printed by Hakolbishvili and Sons of Rego Park, hit upon a new diagnosis that would earn their esteemed and addled Master, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, trillions upon trillions of dollars of Federal funds for cleanup and flu prevention - and for the greatest Yoim HaAtzamois festivities ever known to Creedmoor.
The diagnosis: The Schmoigerman Flu.
Symptoms: A feverish desire to extort funds from Federal, State, municipal and local bureaucracies for phantom persons and organizations combined with a gross aversion to productive work or even meaningful study of any kind. Characterized by excessive religious fanaticism and a desire to destroy the Zionist state, shared by the EU, the US state department and the Islamic (nether) world.
The number of victims diagnosed: eleven billion.
The number of dwelling, school, yeshiva and storage premises which had to be burned down for insurance in order to sterilize them after exposure to the Schmoigerman Flu virus: three hundred million.
Total square footage affected: Three times the overall square footage inhabitable by mankind on planet Earth.
Total funds due: Eight hundred and fifty quintillion dollars, all payable in EBT cards and food stamps.
More available on this scam of the millenium on Sunday as reports come in about how the Schmoigerman Flu funded super intergalactic Yoim HaAtzamois flag burnings from Monsey to yes, the Pluto formerly known as a planet....
Monday, April 27, 2009
A Warning: Tznius during Yom ha'Atzamois Festivals
BS"D
It has come to our attention that our hyliger chassidois are removing their tin foil and plastic burqas due to heat generated at the Yom ha'Atzamois "gitte sryfis "celebrations.
It has come to our attention that our hyliger chassidois are removing their tin foil and plastic burqas due to heat generated at the Yom ha'Atzamois "gitte sryfis "celebrations.
This is inimical to all we stand for as Chassidei Creedmoor and this practice is clearly one of acquiesence to the evil klipa of tzioinis.
Therefore we warn all women and parents of girls that any violation of full covering with a tinfoil burqa or chador may lead to the ultimate punishment of declaring the sryfo null and void for insurance purposes so that any benefit derived therefrom will instead accrue in full to the Admou"r rather than just being subject to the customary 310% 5 Iyar maaser.
A Yom ha'Atzamois (Youm an'Naqba) Reminder from the Admou"r meCreedmoor
BS"D
Therefore, we urge all of those who will follow in the great light generated by the burning of the flags purchase same only from Schmoigerman's Fabric in Creedmoor Shopping Plaza, as said flags are sewn by Muslims using fabric from Iranian mills.
Medium Flag - for burning multiple family dwellings - 165 Food Stamps or 210 Euro.
As we prepare to greet the saddest day of the calendar, the anniversary of the greatest tragedy in Jewish history, we must remember that it is our goal to convert darkness into light, and there is no light greater than that of an insurance fire.
Any flag burned must be burned indoors after being soaked with kerosene, and whoever burns it close to a source of natural gas or heating oil is especially worthy of praise.
Regardless of our intention to burn it, the tzioinishe flag may NOT be purchased from a tzioinish vendor or sewn in the tzioinish entity.
Therefore, we urge all of those who will follow in the great light generated by the burning of the flags purchase same only from Schmoigerman's Fabric in Creedmoor Shopping Plaza, as said flags are sewn by Muslims using fabric from Iranian mills.
This year's prices are:
Small Flag - for burning single family apartments and homes - 100 Food Stamps or 60 Euro.
Medium Flag - for burning multiple family dwellings - 165 Food Stamps or 210 Euro.
Large Flag - for burning full apartment buildings or warehouses - 250 Food Stamps or 315 Euro
Super Size Flag - for burning shopping malls, office complexes - 500 Food Stamps or 623 Euro (we cannot accept a price of 613 as this includes commandments which are considered null and void by our Chassidus, such as loi signoiv and does not include those which the Admou"r commands to his hyliger Chassidim such as "do not leave any abandoned building without burning it").
Kerosene from Iran will be available as in prior years at the price of 8 food stamps or 11 Euro per gallon. Barrels of 55 gallons are available at a special discount price of 918 food stamps or 1000 Euro per barrel.
First come, first served. A small selection of First Oven flags, those which have already been partially burned by Rabbi Schmoigerman and are therefore considered dovor shebekedusha, are available for 110 food stamps per square inch.
Also, as in previous years, Hymie the Hymishe Fire Adjuster will be on hand to supply addresses of buildings that are in need of a gitte sryfo. He will be joined by Izzy der Insurance Macher who will write all necessary policies and collect a token first premium so that they are in effect before the property is set alight.
We wish all a gitte sreyfe!
Creedmoor Prepares for Day of Mourning
BS"D
5 Iyar, the day on which the Zionist State proclaimed independence, is the saddest day on the Creedmoorer calendar.
At present the Admou"r and his 150 quintiliion chassidim are planning a display of fire, the likes of which the five boroughs and Rockland County have never seen before.
Sponsors include the Federal Government Superfund cleanup fund, Axa, Aetna, AIG (which acts a a sponsor thanks to a special Schmoigerman Loss Related Bailout Program), Fireman's Fund (Schmoigerman's favorite as thanks to his poor English he misunderstands the simple fact that a fireman is one who puts out fires), Generali, and many other insurance firms.
We understand that fires will be set simultaneously in as many as one million abandoned warehouses, railway yards, crack houses and similar eyesores throughout the world, using kerosene soaked Zionist flags as kindling. What is not certain is whether or not these properties exist on any official maps besides the ones generated by Schmoiger Surveying, Ltd, a shadowy title insurance firm with locations in Creedmoor and Alcatraz.
In any event, look out for special coverage of the 5 Iyar festivities as well as halachic guidelines for hosting a sreyfas hadegel celebration in your shul or home.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Schmoigerman Founds New Social Service and Patrol Organization
BS"D
Press release sent out by Creedmoor Public Relations Department:
Please note that all Bulvanim volunteers must either be over 6 ft tall and/or weigh over 250 pounds and/or have one or more arrests for violent crimes at the time of application. We assist you in meeting the second 2 requirements with a combination of kigel, cholent and a trial assignment or 2.
Press release sent out by Creedmoor Public Relations Department:
Forget about Shomrim. And move over, Chaveirim.
The Admou"r meCreedmoor is bringing his special blend of kanoius, grubkeit and gezel to communities throughout the US by training volunteers for his new patrol and chessed organization - Bulvanim!
Bulvanim will provide services including arson for hire, beating of improperly dressed women and girls, staged robberies, intervention in domestic and organizational disputes, forging of documents, assistance with multiple welfare applications, dubious heterei meah rabbonim (a specialty given all of Rabbi Schmoigerman's own multiple personalities) and much, much more.
Need loshon horo and pashkvilkelach scattered about town? Bulvanim is your answer.
And Bulvanim charges a portion of the profit (120 - 450%) only if successful. Otherwise, Bulvanim services are free.
Out of yeshiva and on the streets? Bulvanim needs YOU! Join Bulvanim NOW and have the time of your life while you help people and make some good money at the same time! Why hang around and be a bum when you can be a proud Bulvan!
Please note that all Bulvanim volunteers must either be over 6 ft tall and/or weigh over 250 pounds and/or have one or more arrests for violent crimes at the time of application. We assist you in meeting the second 2 requirements with a combination of kigel, cholent and a trial assignment or 2.
Call 1-888-BUL-VANN now!
Monday, April 20, 2009
A Reminder: Do NOT count the tzioinishe sfira!
BS"D
Divrye mechooh fin der hyliger Admou"r meCreedmoor, ben yochid d'sitra achra ve rosh verishoin lekoil dovor shebegezel vemirmo:
The "sfiras haoimer" which is counted by those who have usurped the title of bnei Yisroel from us, the purest and holiest Jews who follow in the ways of our forefathers who were known as Koirach veadasoi and therefore do not contaminate ourselves with the Tzioinish tumois haklipa which are known as "ehrlichkeit and menschlichkeit" is not the correct sfiras haoimer.
The only sfiras haoimer which is valid and true to our ways is the one which was handed down to us at the welfare center along with our food stamps and section 8 vouchers. We must keep our camps pure and free of any productive activity or proper Torah study and therefore must never walk in the ways of tumah which are the life force of the klipa of tzioinis.
We remember that it has always been the practice of those who follow in the holy light of the flickering one watt bulb of Chassidus Creedmoor ve'shaar marin bishin that we count from Yoim HaAtzamois (5 Iyar, the saddest day on the Jewish calendar) to the day after Krachtzmas (26 December).
A calendar and explanation will be made available this coming zintag in time to begin counting.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Coming Soon: Creedmoor Iranian Islamic Interfaith Sharia Beis Din!
BS"D
Newsflash:
The Pistachio is Not as Big as a Banana Islamic Republic of Iran and the Independent Anti-Zionist Nation of the Disjointed, Desalted and Holiest of Holy Congregation of Baseless Hatred of the Chassidim of Creedmoor will jointly operate a new Sharia Beis Din in which punishments are meted out for civil and criminal offenses according to the most perverse and disrespected opinions of both Jewish and Islamic law.
Judges will include a hanging judge and a Surgeon Amputator from the Iranian side and the hyliger gedoilim of our generation, Rabbis Dovid Schmoigerman and two of his multiple personality dayanim from the Creedmoorer side. Rumors cannot be confirmed that Imam Ismail Daoud al-Beyda (Yisroel Dovid Weiss) will be participating; however given his exposure to Iran and his expertise in misinterpreting halacha for his own ends it is believed al-Beyda will at least serve as a consultant to the new Islamic rabbinical court.
More coming next Sunday insh'allah yemach shmo....
"The Cashorcharger Rebbe": Schmoigerman aged 12-14
BS"D
We received this letter from Rabbi Y.L.G, who was Dovid Schmoigerman's teacher in yeshiva ktana (translated from Yiddish):
"Thank you for your constant updates about my most memorable talmid, Dovid Schmoigerman. He was 12 when I had the distinct displeasure of having to teach him basic Mishna and Chumash as well as basic semi-human midois.
You would probably be thrilled to know that Dovid began his career as an admou"r when he was in my class. He came to yeshiva every day wearing a bekeshe and shtreimel 3 sizes too big for him, and at lunch he would terrorize younger talmidim into giving him their lunches and snacks so that he could sell them back to his victims at 5 times the price paid. If he did not receive the money, he would harass the parents and tell them that their son was affected by some klala or another and that paying him $50 would be the best way to make sure their sons were not thrown out of yeshiva for having this klala.
He would then ask for another $150 for a brocho, and at the end of the transaction, to which some scared parents actually did agree, he would ask "kesh or charge". (Apparently he had a deal with a local shop to allow him to get cash in exchange for credit card numbers which the shop would bill and then abuse. Schmoigerman received up to 40% of the take from the abuse of the numbers as well).
Thus, he became known as the Cashorcharger Rebbe.
Little did his Chassidim know that their Rebbe was 12 years old and wore high heeled women's shoes, hidden by his overly long bekeshe, in order to look as if he was of adult size and height.
From what I remember the scam lasted until he was 14 or so and discovered such pleasures as used jewelry swindles, sale of stolen merchandise, and the bedrock of his Rebbeschaft today, welfare and Medicaid fraud. He was expelled from yeshiva ktana in any case after about 6 months of his shtick and managed to forge papers showing that he still was a talmid in our yeshiva while he spent most of his days doing his Rebbe shtick."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
How to donate used Pesach tinfoil to "Foil for Fools":
BS"D
However, we request that before you mail your tinfoil to us (no postage please and no return address so that it will be delivered to us postage due, and in turn we can pay with counterfeit food stamps and the like) that you heat it with a blowtorch and then toivel it in a mikveh (with at least a rating of 80 on the loshon horo scale) to remove any and all chashash tumas haTzioinis.
As the Zionist chag draws to an end especially in the Zionist entity, the Admou"r meCreedmoor is once again pleased to be able to offer the invaluable service of tinfoil collection to Tzionish households throughout the world.
All used tinfoil will be recycled to make tin foil yarmulkes, shtreimlach and fedoras. Thanks to your generous donations, the increasing number of apprehended hymish scam artists and white collar criminals will be able to wear tin foil head gear at trial and sentencing hearings. Therefore, our proud machers and knackers can successfully convince judges that they are not guilty or not sentenceable by reason of insanity.
This will spare so many households the loss of their breadwinners, and so many nshei chayil the loss of their Lexuses, chandeliers, 3000 dollar sheitlach and Prada tichlach.
However, we request that before you mail your tinfoil to us (no postage please and no return address so that it will be delivered to us postage due, and in turn we can pay with counterfeit food stamps and the like) that you heat it with a blowtorch and then toivel it in a mikveh (with at least a rating of 80 on the loshon horo scale) to remove any and all chashash tumas haTzioinis.
Please mail all used and duly prepared tin foil to:
Foil for Fools
D-Ward - Beis Schmoigerman
Merkoz Mishegoyim
Creedmoor Psychiatric Center
Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of the Disjointed Anti-Zionist Communities of Creedmoor and Similar Unpleasant Happenings
Queens Village, Queens, Hymieshtodt
Occupied Zionist Territory of the Tryfe Medine of America
11427
Thank you and may your generous donations and our generous use of the insanity defense prevent the final redemption of anything other than triple coupons for more tin foil at the nearest tzioinish supermarket.
Grand Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman.
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