Thursday, January 19, 2012

Admou'r gets CO for 240 Quintillion Souls in a 2400 sq. ft. basement



The Admou"r's construction company, Creedmoor Demolitions and Insurance Adjustment, has finally finished construction on the Ramat Beis Tznius complex outside Ramallah.

He has received a Certificate of Occupancy from the Palestinian Disarray and the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, allowing for the resettlement of 240 quintillion (240,000,000,000,000,000) people, 120 quintillion male and 120 quintillion female, in a 240 square meter (2400 square foot) basement space that is fully divided in the center by a steel mechitza with a barbed wire coating.

This can only mean one thing. The Admou"r and corrupt "Palestinian" officials are about to perpetrate gross fraud against the UNHCR, which is  of course a gross fraud perpetrated by the Arabs against the world.

More to come soon.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Update: The Admou"r is Still Underground


The Admou"r is still inspecting the underground women's passageways of his new "Ramat Beis Tznius" development in suburban Ramallah to make sure that the standard of tznius is indeed bullet-proof.

Since the Admou"r loves doing everything underground, we expect him back up after Shabbos so we can finally update our Chanike and Ramat Beis Tznius news.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Update: Ramas Beis Tznius


The Admou"r is indeed building a fully tzniusdige community in Eretz Yisroel. However, he is building it in Dar Zbaly, a suburb of Ramallah, and not in Ramat Beit Shemesh as was originally feared! This is how he is laundering some of the proceeds from his Chanike Extravaganza, the details of which are finally forthcoming!

Features of the new "Ramas Beis Tznius" development include homes built with separate sides  for men and boys and women and girls, special bridges and tunnels to avoid any mingling on the streets, rules against mixing men's garbage with women's as well as enforcing milchig and fleishig days for garbage disposal, and much, much more! How can you buy a unit in Ramas Beis Tznius? With food stamps or Iranian rials, of course! Venezuelan pesos accepted too, while Chavez lasts!

More on motzoei Shabbos (Eastern Nitel Nacht, nidche due to Shabbos). And yes, we will have an audio training lesson for wannabe kanoim within the next few days.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Creedmoor Smicha Certificates Confiscated from Dollar Stores


"He no good Joo. No good Joo. Take all my Joo paper away!"

So cried Lim Bok Choy, an illegal alien from Fukien province in China who runs "Dreck for a Dollar," a dollar store in Kew Gardens Hills, Queens.

"No good rabbi say paper no good. He say you have to learn many year for that and I can't sell it. Other rabbi very nice man very big wearing orange vest he sign and tell me to sell even three for a dollar!"

The papers in question are rabbinical ordination certificates signed by the one and only Admou"r meCreedmoor. He has been supplying them to several dollar stores in Jewish areas throughout the tri-state area, limiting their distribution to non-Jewish and non-English speaking store owners.

This morning, volunteers from a shadowy organization called "Association for the Protection of the Integrity of Our Neighborhoods," confiscated several reams of these worthless certificates from stores throughout Brooklyn and Queens.

A spokesman for the association stated: "You can get certificates like this for yourself, your son, or your son-in-law by donating major money to a real yeshiva. We do not want the value of our certificates to be cheapened by these clear fakes that are issued by an impostor who has no connection to any known community or rabbinical organization."

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Update: Admou"r is AWOL but will be back soon


We believe that the Admou"r flew from the Brooklyn Bridge to Ramat Beit Shimush this evening in order to encourage his fellow self-appointed kanoim and to open his new ultra-kanoi, 1000% gender-segregated development "Biouv Patuach" tomorrow morning.

We will have the full account of the 12th Light of Chanike extravaganza this week, as well as a special audio from my colleague, Shmeel Paskudney, on how to be a real kanoi...................