Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Creedmoor Recovery Plan


Well, thanks to partial Creedmoorism, that is to say, voting so you can get as much as you can from Fetter Shmeel, the United States will soon be a Creedmoorish, food-stamps nation. However, only real, unadulterated Creedmoorism, the part that includes burning down buildings for fun and profit, will restore America to its former glory.

The plan is very simple: Elect the Admou"r meCreedmoor to the Presidency in 2016. He will have enough deceased voters to cover all 57 states in any case.

He will then:

Evacuate every single unnecessary Federal building in the United States.

Insure said buildings for $25,000 per square foot, along with the entire US wild polar bear population for $10,000,000 per pound of weight, with several foreign insurers such as Generali, AXA and Allianz.

Use contained methods to safely set every last evacuated building alight, along with any aging Federally supported infrastructure and any vacant Federally mortgaged homes. Remove all polar bears from oil-rich lands and sell them under the table to zoos and nature parks.

Use the energy generated from the fires to provide as much power as possible without dependence on foreign energy. Start drilling for oil immediately as soon as the last polar bear is gone and the last check for the last Nanook comes in.

Successfully claim enough money in insurance payments to balance the US budget.

Get tenders from the few remaining American engineering and building firms that will hire American workers off the welfare rolls as well as drones on the Federal payroll and those whose jobs depended on Federal grants. If that means someone with a Ph.D. in Gender Studies or Self-Gratification Engineering digging ditches, so be it.

Allow investors, including those now in Otisville only because they tried to outsmart Fetter Shmeel or did not pay prohibitive taxes, as well as only those foreign investors who are not connected to Islam and are willing to move to the US and create businesses in the US, to acquire former Federal lands for $1 per acre, provided that whatever they develop there will contribute to the local and national economy.

Reduce the Federal personal income tax rate to 15% and the corporate tax rate to 5%.

Print food stamps only to pay the salaries of a cadre of about a million drones who hold down public-sector make-work jobs (including Congressmen and Senators) and for the terminally lazy, so it will be a shame to go on food stamps once again. Those food stamps will be good only at a chain of deep discount stores called Dome of the Schlock, which will be filled with cheap imported goods that last only from paycheck to paycheck, and owned by the Admou'r as a concession to his national service.

In one year after his election, America will be a great power again. Otherwise, the whole country will be shopping with food stamps over at Dome of the Schlock, except that the chain will probably have a Chinese name or be part of an Indian conglomerate.