Monday, July 27, 2009

Solomon "Drek" Dwek and der Admou"r


We have been asked many times lately regarding the connection, if any, between moiser Solomon Drek and der Admou"r meCreedmoor.

Therefore, we will answer the three most frequently asked questions regarding Creedmoor and this sordid affair. Of course, we will answer every question with - another question:

1) Did Solomon Drek attempt to entrap der Admou"r meCreedmoor?

-Is pork treyf?

2) Is Solomon Drek a renegade Creedmoorer Chossid?

-Is Madoff guilty?

3) Is Der Admou"r meCreedmoor involved in illicit trafficking in either human organs, counterfeit handbags, or both?

-Is Der Admou"r so meshigge that he is NOT involved in such lucrative scams?

More on the Drek Dwek scandal and how Creedmoor impacted Drek Dwek once and for all on Sunday.

Until then please enjoy the most definitely non Creedmoor serialized frum novels on

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Urgent Update: Schmoigerman Condemns Rioters


An urgent statement from Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman regarding the situation in the capital of the Zionist entity, may it soon return to its proper state as a part of dar ul-Islam:

I roundly, squarely, ovally and eliptically condemn the recent burning of a welfare office along with other uninsured property in Al-Quds as-Sharif.

It is forbidden by sharia halacha to burn any property in which entitlement programs are administered, regardless of whether these payments are disbursed by infidels, the Gantze Soton or our Islamic allies.

Therefore, I hereby proclaim that those who have damaged the most holy welfare office of the evil Zionist entity in al-Quds as-Sharif are in cherem chamor, which means that they are not to receive any honors except being asked for money in any of our great and holy Creedmoorer institutions.

In addition, I must reiterate that it is wholly and completely forbidden to burn or otherwise destroy any property in any location which is not properly insured, and that arson for any purpose other than insurance fraud is considered ossur lemehadrin.

I remind all of klal Yishmoel that it is not permitted even to burn the Zionist flag in any premises which is not insured and without irreperable damage occurring to said premises even if the flag itself is not consumed. In addition, the consistent incineration of plastic material which contains plastics and resins that are manufactured in the Zionist entity, and are therefore severely contaminated with the timas haTzioinus, is a severe environmental and spiritual hazard, as it releases timas haTzioinus into the air and therefore spreads the tima even further.

Therefore, I hereby call on those who are aiding and abetting the Tzioini reshoim by violating the sharia halacha as clearly put forth by those who have not been contaminated by the timas haTzioinis to immediately cease and desist from all activities using force or fire except in cases where the intent is to perform the mitzvah of ubearta hara bekirbecho by turning the burning ashes of property which is infested with timas haTzioinus into the roaring, living flames of multiple insurance payments.

-Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Cherpas Doirynee, Admou"r and Gaavad Creedmoor and Av Beis Din of the Beis Din for Fraud, Extortion and Capital Judgments, Alcatraz, California

Monday, July 13, 2009

Admou"r: Do NOT Say Tehillim for Kim Jong Il


Emergency update due to urgent communication from the Admou"r meCreedmoor:

"To all of our myriads of phantom followers who exist only on the welfare and entitlement program rolls throughout the world as well as to the handful of unicerebralcellular creatures who truly do follow in the barely flickering one watt bulb which illuminates the Chassidus of Creedmoor:

It is with great displeasure that I have heard that there are some among you who wish to pray for the recovery of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il ymach shmo veyeabed zichro lanetzach la'ad, ben yechido d'sitra achra veshaar marin bishin.

Are you not aware that this rosho and menivel has threatened to bomb Hawaii? Are you not aware that only I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, am authorized to make absurd threats against the Great Satanic States of America, and that I can make these threats only so that you, my beloved phantom followers, can obtain additional welfare subsidies which you then must sign over to me as I am your true Creator in any event? Are you so blinded by the poison of international Zionism that you do not understand that if Hawaii were to disappear, we would be receiving welfare and entitlement programs in only 49 states?

Remember that I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, only feign insanity for the purpose of obtaining my most fair share of the monies paid by the Zionist taxpayers of the Great Satanic States of America.

However, Kim Jong Il yemach shmo truly is insane, and if he were to fall under my most holy and exalted jurisdiction, after we sign up all of his multiple personalities on all possible welfare and medical subsidy payments, he would be sentenced to a lifetime of washing dishes for the true mental patients who reside in C-ward.

And it must be mentioned that C-ward is under the direction of my most dear Chossid and Minister for Medicaid Affairs, Dr Rajesh Shah, former goatherd of Gujarat and graduate of the University of Creedmoor Faculty of Medicine, which shares a post office box with K'hal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor and has therefore become a mokom kedusha under the jurisdiction of the Arba Misois Beis Din d'Creedmoor and the Beis Din Elyoin d'Krisois veMisois d'Alcatraz.

Therefore, I proclaim that we must not in any way beseech Allah for the refieh of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il, and that we instead join the rest of the world in wishing him a misse meshine besoich shaar tzioinei oilam. This does not in any way mean that we will join the rest of the world in any other fashion except when we are able to receive welfare and related payments from any government entity on this or any other planet."

-Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Admou"r meCreedmoor and Gaavad Alcatraz.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

We are off for the Three Weeks


Creedmoorer Chassidus will not be updated during the Three Weeks as per non-Creedmoor rabbinical advice.

If Moshiach is not here before 9 Av chas vesholom, we will return on the first Sunday after 9 Av which is 12 Menachem Av/2 August.

So, may the only fires that burn be the fires on the mizbeach in the Beis Mikdash haShlishi.

But if chas vesholom the Creedmoorer is finding something else to burn we will be here to tell you about it.