Thursday, September 15, 2011

All 150 Quintillion Souls Lost During Irene!

BS"D We recently received confirmation that the 150 quintillion souls who resided nowhere else but on the Admou"r's computer server were all lost when said server became waterlogged during Tropical Storm Irene. Life insurance adjusters are debating which policies need to be paid, and it is expected that the Obama administration, the EU and the Saudis will bail out any firms that do have to pay out as a result of the complete annihilation of the Creedmoorer community.

The Admou"r is resting, or resisting arrest, in Iran while his Chassidim and insurance adjusters assess the damage and work around the clock to buy him a new server that will generate 150 quintillion or more names by Chol Hamoied Sukkos (which the Admou"r does observe because of his "Mivtza Sukkos, Suckas" ten-day insurance policy scam in which many a chandeliered sukkah meets a fiery end the day after Simchas Torah). The Admou"r is reportedly also undergoing treatment for Dutch Elm Disease, which he contracted due to the dampness caused by the hurricane, at the Khomeini Memorial Arboretum - in other words, the Admou"r is out of his tree even by Creedmoor standards.

Until then, we cannot provide any updates. We have, however, discovered clear evidence linking a rather infamous, formerly quite corpulent, self-appointed civil rights leader to the De Menubal ancestors of the Admou"r. We hope to present that information right after the Tzioini New Year. Rabbi Dr Gimpel Pashkvilkemacher-Dreckschraber Editor-in-Thief "Der Shygetz" and "Di Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke"