Monday, August 29, 2011

Creedmoor Has Been Swept Away by Irene

BS"D Yes, as could be expected, the entire D-ward of Creedmoor, including all of the moisdos that the Admou"r registered for government funding, have been swept away by Tropical Storm Irene. Needless to say, a team of adjusters is now sifting through the rubble to determine how much insurance can be paid out to the survivors of the 100 quintillion men, women and children who mysteriously disappeared when flood waters reached about the height of the Admour's elevator shoes. Several insurers have been hit so hard by the literal tidal wave of Creedmoor claims that they are expected to go bankrupt unless the US, EU, Saudi Arabia and Iran bail them out by paying off these claims. The Admou"r himself has disappeared along with his longtime supporter Muammar "Laffy" Khadaffy, with whom he was staying in Libya for Shabbos after he fled Creedmoor in advance of the torrential floods and fierce winds that were expected this weekend. We will post more information as soon as enough mikvehs in Rockland and Kings County reopen so that we can obtain more accurate news and inciteful opinions regarding what may be a complete collapse of the entire Creedmoorer Chassidic infrastructure as well as a threat to the entire world economy.

Monday, August 15, 2011

A pohr vetter fin nuch a sponser...

BS"D

We have so many updates coming that I had to get a sponsor - and we thank "Mach-Deer-A-Rebbe Enterprises" for their generous support!
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Thursday, August 04, 2011

More News Briefs

BS"D

We have just learned the following:

1) Due to the vast numbers of Creedmoorer children who are registered as disabled every year, the WHO has granted the Independent Republic of Creedmoor funds to build a new maternity ward. Needless to say, Creedmoorer children are spontaneously generated by a computer program, so at present we await more news as to how the Admou"r intends to abuse this grant.

2) The Admou"r has received Superfund cleanup subsidies after proving that Creedmoor is full of toxic waste. Scientists might disagree with the method he used to prove that there is radioactive and chemical waste in his beloved D-ward. However, Schmoigerman's guarantee of more votes than the population of the US trumps all scientific knowledge in the bizarre world of Obamamerica.

Giant update coming after 9 Av.