Monday, August 15, 2011

A pohr vetter fin nuch a sponser...

BS"D

We have so many updates coming that I had to get a sponsor - and we thank "Mach-Deer-A-Rebbe Enterprises" for their generous support!
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Do you want to make more money than you ever imagined without an honest hour's work?

Do you want people to worship the ground you walk on as they literally throw money at your feet, into your hands and into every bank account you can open in the US, Eretz-Yisrool and Schvitzerlant?

All you have to do is...

Become A Chassidishe Rebbe!

And we offer you all the secrets to opening your own rebbistive in less than 90 days!

Our "I want to be a Rebbe" kit includes:

A coupon good for 50% off your choice of colored bekeshe made for you by our expert Hong Kong tailors.

A shtramel made from a schvantz that doesn't come up to the kind of schvantz who will make you rich when word spreads of your special brooches.

A list of Yiddish phrases that sound like brooches or segiles, but actually make no sense, along with a guide on how to mumble so even the most fluent Yiddish speaker thinks you were born next to his grandfather in der alter hyme.

Powder to make your beard grey, and a silver-tipped cane made of pure Chinese plastic.

A map of former shtetlach in Europe with a line through the ones that already have rebbelach, two lines through the ones that already have two rebbelach, and a big, fat X for the ones that have more rebbelach than their entire pre-war Jewish population. Only our map covers the entire former Soviet Union from Estonia to Montenegro (except Kalte-Litvakland) as well as Poilin and all of the lands that belonged to Ingarn before the Treaty of Trisodium Phosphate.

And most importantly of all...an E-book full of kabbalistic secrets handed down by your ancestors that you can customize and print to show you really wrote a sefer!

If you buy today, we'll even throw in:

A list of available basements in Boro Park, Flatbush and Williamsburg.

A guide to establishing a tax-exempt not for profit company that still lets you keep all your kvittel gelt and back up your claim of supporting thousands of "orimer leit."

A book of verifiable stories of the great miracles your ancestors were responsible for, all the way back to the mabil!

and..

A real ilan yoichsin (family tree) showing that your ancestors were rabbonim going back at least to the time of Homon haRosho!

Testimonials:

"Reb Shmilke Otisviller didn't sound too good. So I bought this kit and I finds myneself a little village in Romania called Kabanos. Now I am Der Kabanoszer Roov and I am taking twenty, thirty, fifty cigarettes for a brooche at every melave malke. Even the shygetz guards are paying me in real cash because they know I can use my accounts to cover for some of the stuff they sell in here!"

Shmeel Paskudny, Otisville, NY

"I try to come here from Israel and sell brachot like real mekubal with hood on my head. The shiknoozi, they say I Ku Klux Klan, I no-good frenk, I not real. So I buy this kit, ya'allah, I find out there is town in Hungary called Schlockdorf and I get a nice new silver robe and fur hat and learn to mumble a few words in Yiddish to everyone who comes to my old auto body shop. Now I'm the Admou"r meSchlockdorf and my picture is up in every shawarma place and car service in Brooklyn, and I sell my picture 20 dollars a 5 by 7 just paper and even 5000 dollars in a silver plated frame with money going to Schlockdorfer Mesivta Rabbenu Bar-Minan Chai!"

Rahamim Azzebaly Cohen, Flatbush


How much do you think such a package is worth? If you say $2000, you are not even close. It is worth millions of tax-free dollars! But we'll sell it to you in 12 easy installments of $120 each, and we'll even daven for you at the kever of the first Geshtorbener Rebbe in Shtorberg, on the border between Poland and Norway!

Get it now before there are no more towns in Europe left for you to claim and we end up having to substitute a post office box in Morocco!


















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