Monday, July 13, 2009

Admou"r: Do NOT Say Tehillim for Kim Jong Il


Emergency update due to urgent communication from the Admou"r meCreedmoor:

"To all of our myriads of phantom followers who exist only on the welfare and entitlement program rolls throughout the world as well as to the handful of unicerebralcellular creatures who truly do follow in the barely flickering one watt bulb which illuminates the Chassidus of Creedmoor:

It is with great displeasure that I have heard that there are some among you who wish to pray for the recovery of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il ymach shmo veyeabed zichro lanetzach la'ad, ben yechido d'sitra achra veshaar marin bishin.

Are you not aware that this rosho and menivel has threatened to bomb Hawaii? Are you not aware that only I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, am authorized to make absurd threats against the Great Satanic States of America, and that I can make these threats only so that you, my beloved phantom followers, can obtain additional welfare subsidies which you then must sign over to me as I am your true Creator in any event? Are you so blinded by the poison of international Zionism that you do not understand that if Hawaii were to disappear, we would be receiving welfare and entitlement programs in only 49 states?

Remember that I, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, only feign insanity for the purpose of obtaining my most fair share of the monies paid by the Zionist taxpayers of the Great Satanic States of America.

However, Kim Jong Il yemach shmo truly is insane, and if he were to fall under my most holy and exalted jurisdiction, after we sign up all of his multiple personalities on all possible welfare and medical subsidy payments, he would be sentenced to a lifetime of washing dishes for the true mental patients who reside in C-ward.

And it must be mentioned that C-ward is under the direction of my most dear Chossid and Minister for Medicaid Affairs, Dr Rajesh Shah, former goatherd of Gujarat and graduate of the University of Creedmoor Faculty of Medicine, which shares a post office box with K'hal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor and has therefore become a mokom kedusha under the jurisdiction of the Arba Misois Beis Din d'Creedmoor and the Beis Din Elyoin d'Krisois veMisois d'Alcatraz.

Therefore, I proclaim that we must not in any way beseech Allah for the refieh of the rosho merooshe Kim Jong Il, and that we instead join the rest of the world in wishing him a misse meshine besoich shaar tzioinei oilam. This does not in any way mean that we will join the rest of the world in any other fashion except when we are able to receive welfare and related payments from any government entity on this or any other planet."

-Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, Admou"r meCreedmoor and Gaavad Alcatraz.

No comments: