As we prepare for the return of the Admou"r, we welcome a new sponsor to the Creedmoor Chronicles/Der Shygetz/Di Velt-Barimte Vochedige Pashvilke:
You are never alone when you walk even the most holy streets of Monsey and Monroe, for space aliens are watching you and looking for ways to penetrate your iron-clad tzniusdike klader. That's why you need a burqa-deckel from Beruriah's Burqa Covers. Our tinfoil covers block the transmission and reception of all extraterrestrial rays, and prevent space aliens from penetrating your tzniusdike burqelach even if they're sending signals out of transmitters located light-years away from Mea Shrotzim and Ramat Beit Shimush Beis. (Residents of Monsey are advised to wear two covers or our special Double Strength Deckel to prevent the CIA and the Tripartite Commission, as well as any characters involved with the tzioinish Airmont Shil, from using their top-secret radio frequencies to not only compromise your tznius but also to extract your innermost thoughts and turn them into looshen horo.)
Our burqa decklach are made from 100% certified non-Zionist Malaysian, Indonesian or Saudi tinfoil. We have ultra-mehadrin Iranian and Afghan tinfoil available for custom-made covers upon request. We also have insulated decklach with aluminum foil facing and fiberglass stuffing so you can take advantage of the sun's rays to cure your half-baked condition. You can even place a kigel between your deckel and your birqa hood and cook it in a half hour while sitting outside, all the while knowing that you can safely spend a half an hour outside without worrying about space aliens penetrating your burqa.
The hyliger dayanim of the Arba Misois Beis Din/Machon leKrisois veMisois of Creedmoor have paskened that even a hyliger Pas Yisrooel who wears a tinfoil burqa of less than three layers of thickness must also wear a cover over her head.
All covers come in an attractive conical shape, so you can show the world you really are committed to tznius and to making sure that even extra-terrestrial enemies of our modest ways of life cannot disturb your dedication to the highest level of modesty.
We accept Jordanian dinars and Iranian toman in our Mea Shrotzim boutique on Rechov Moishe Hirsch in Batei Sikrikim, and Amerikanischer EBT and food stamp cards in our Ramat Beit Shimush Beis factory showroom. Our Monsey agent is Mrs. Cholere Machshefovitz, tel 845-SHI-KTSA.
If you purchase more than one burqa deckel before the end of the Islamic year, we will give you a free electronic male repellent device, which emits a bloodcurdling scream and a rotten egg scent as soon as any male of three years of age or older comes within your dalet amois.