The Creedmoor FAQ Is Here!

Frequently Asked Questions about Creedmoor (and a Guide to Creedmoor Personalities):

1) Who or what is the Admou"r meCreedmoor?

The Admou"r meCreedmoor is one of the three star talmidim of Moshe Hirsch sheyirfash (he should have a speedy recovery), Minister of Jewish Affairs of the Palestinian Disarray. The other two are Hasan Nasrkaka and Mahmoud Ahmadijendeh. Known on Usenet as David Goldman (until his virtual death on Apr 27 2004), Dovid Schmoigerman practices an odd form of Chassidus that combines a takeoff on Breslov hisbodedus (walking around Queens wearing boxer shorts three sizes too big and yelling "Shygetz Aross" at the top of his lungs), Neturei Karta fanaticism (according to the Admou"r, the Chmelnitzki pogroms of 1648 were a direct result of the proclamation of the Jewish state in 1948), and a very liberal interpretation of "loi signoiv," in which theft from Zionists, including the American government, is considered a mitzvah rather than an aveira.

2) What is the Admou"r meCreedmoor's real position on the State of Israel?

The answer is very simple - he is milking the State for all it is worth. The Admou"r has purchased a number of defunct plants throughout Israel, and assumed their payrolls. Since these plants are defunct, he uses the names of the dismissed workers, changes a letter or two, adds a few dependents, and draws unemployment and national insurance benefits for each one. All but the most corrupt and suborned Israeli bureaucrats wonder how a nation of six or seven million souls can be paying benefits to three hundred million employees of a mysterious non profit headquartered in an independent republic that shares an address with a series of run-down and closed wings of a New York State psychiatric facility located in Queens.

3) When and how did the Admou"r become an Admou"r?

Apparently, he earned his smicha the hard way - by sending 1000 empty packages of Bloom's Chewing Gum to a Post Office Box in Monroe, New York. An unidentified prankster in Monroe waited until Purim to send "Grand Rabbi Dovid Shmoigerman Shlit"a" a blank certificate showing rabbinical ordination from a defunct Cholov Yisroel dairy plant in Szarkonoszvary, Hungary.

4) What are some of the major institutions in Creedmoor?

Former Use: Children's Therapeutic Pool Present Use: Mikveh
Former Use: Basket Weaving Room Present Use: Beis Medrash Govoha
Former Use: Broom Closet Present Use: Armory for Tznius Patrols
Former Use: Toilet Present Use: Aroin Koidesh
Former Use: Computer Room Present Use: Food Stamp Printing Press
Former Use: Padded Cell Present Use: Admou"r's Yichud Room
Former Use: Cafeteria Present Use: Mehadreck Mart
Former Use: Hot Water Tank Present Use: Kerosene Storage
Former Use: Gardens and Field Present Use: Jewish Children's Misois and Malkois Museum
Former Use: Chapel Present Use: Mosque for Visiting Dignitaries

5) What is the Admou"r's Real Psychiatric Diagnosis?

Kleptomaniac and sociopath. The only reason he is voluntarily committed to Creedmoor is that he cannot face charges of grand theft, fraud, mail fraud, wire fraud, and impersonation of Sholam Weiss if judged insane. In addition, if judged sane, he could face penalties as severe as election to the US Senate. His recent declaration of "The Independent Republic of the Anti-Zionist Federation of Multiple Personalities of Creedmoor" was a final and successful attempt to avoid persecution. His registry of the Sckemegegi Indian Tribe was a final and successful attempt to keep US welfare subsidies flowing into his pockets.

6) How many Creedmoor Chassidim are there?

In reality? None. The Admou"r has no living Chassidim. Creedmoor psychiatrists and janitorial staff sometimes serve as willing or unwilling shills in the Admou"r's various schemes and scams. The only other physical resident of a Creedmoor community is the Admou"r's latest Rebbetzin, Lilac Blossom Prunepit-McCall, who resides in a state of hallucinogenic semi-consciousness at the Creedmoor West Coast Alcatraz location.

7) How many Creedmoor Chassidim show on the annals of the Chassidus?

89638947984651695849846548947895489886945620 in Creedmoor, an additional 8645198475615654945648979495642189459894 in Alcatraz, a recently added 789465168470184981489717978154549847917798781819717891 in Guantanamo Bay, and three hundred million in the Zionist Entity.

8) That adds up to a number which is far greater than the population of the entire world.

So what? They are all getting welfare, section 8, and disability and many are listed as beneficiaries of property and life insurance policies. And since Creedmoor is devoted to the destruction of the State of Israel, the UN and EU recognize the population figures as justified and verified for the purposes of granting additional aid under their joint "Aid to Corrupt Entities Which Oppose The Existence of the Zionist Entity" (ACEWOTEZE) program.

More to come before Rosh Chodesh Av: Leading Virtual Personalities of Creedmoor (Updated)