Thursday, August 02, 2007

The All New Hymishe Benefits Application Form!

Yes, here it is. The form that everyone from Williamsburgh to Monsey to New Joel to Square Circle has been waiting for. The All New Hymishe Benefits Application Form! Velfare, Sectzhen Acht, Medikaid, Disability, SSI, HEAP, all in one easy to chap form, written af Hymish of course:

1) Vus iz your name? Your real name, end also what they kall to you in shil. (Exemple: Joel Werczberger; Yoily der Shtarker).

2) Vere you live? (Your real eddress det you get dere your stock dividend checks).

3) How many human hair shytels is wantink to buy your vaybel? Vat kind? Or is besser a dozen zydene tichlach fin Prada?

4) How many children iz you heving and how many times iz de mydlach needink dresses to go to chassines?

5) How meny you are supportink in koilel? (NOT Federal Koilel!)

6) What is you doink for a livink like it say on your tex forms? (Choose please one):

____Koilel Yingerman _____Meshilich ______Gornisht(Unemployed) _____Retired
____In Prizen ____Lydigyer

7) What you iz really doink far parnoose?
___Smuggler from brilyanten __Slumlendlord ___Laundromet Owner (money launderer) ___Food Shtemps Casher (Grocer) ___Tzedoke skemmer ____IRS Skemmer ___Kredit Kard oder Benk Skemmer ___Andere Skemmer

8) What koler iz your Lexus?___________

9) From what koler iz your Infinity?_________

10) From which Swiss kompany iz your vybel's a watch?

11) How meny kristel shendeliers iz you hevink in your hyme? What about in dyne bungalow in der mountenz?

12) What size diamanten iz wearink your vybel? Your merried tochter? Your daughter in breaking der law?

13) Please to list all property you are ownink and all housink department violations on each eddress (please to use as many sheets of papier, asher yotzor or otherwize, dat you are needink to list dis but no need please to give every ret or mouse in each floor of every bildink a name unless you are wantink to apply for benefits for them too under der nyer Hymishe Rodent Assistence Programm).

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