BS"D
I am extremely busy with very non-Creedmoor work and find it hard to come up with much material now. I start themes and then have no time or inclination to return because my days are B"H occupied with well, more legitimate pursuits.
However, Creedmoor has become a sort of underground fixture of the frum Web and I have no intention of closing. Instead, I will maintain a reduced schedule from now until after the Three Weeks (which is of course the Creedmoorer sefira period, starting last night with Sreyfa shebeSreyfo), when I am sure I will have new material and will want to return.
Remember to count the Creedmoorer Sefira until the evening of 10 Av!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
"Anoichi Yang Ying Roifecho" - A Month of Medical Scams in Creedmoor
BS"D
The Tzionish month of Iyar is particularly accursed in Creedmoor as that is the month of the founding of the Tzioinish Entity.
But the Admou"r does agree that the month is connected to refieh (not to be confused with Rafiach where he has a couple of hashish fields) and it is in Iyar that he and his Chassidim are examined by the famous Chinese equine proctological acupuncturist Yang Ying.
And the diagnoses and treatments are a corrupt physician's dream, especially when it is very questionable as to whether the physician is not the same person as the most corrupt and indeed the only actual physical patient whom he treats.
Come back on Sunday to share in the medical discoveries of Dr Yang Ying, Certified Insurance Related Practitioner and Form Forger, wanted in three countries across two continents for gross malpractice and medical fraud, yet very hard to find since like most of the Creedmoor staff whose names appear on Medicaid, Medicare, disability, SSI and private insurance forms on Creedmoor, he seems to exist only on the welfare rolls.
Zait gezint!
The Tzionish month of Iyar is particularly accursed in Creedmoor as that is the month of the founding of the Tzioinish Entity.
But the Admou"r does agree that the month is connected to refieh (not to be confused with Rafiach where he has a couple of hashish fields) and it is in Iyar that he and his Chassidim are examined by the famous Chinese equine proctological acupuncturist Yang Ying.
And the diagnoses and treatments are a corrupt physician's dream, especially when it is very questionable as to whether the physician is not the same person as the most corrupt and indeed the only actual physical patient whom he treats.
Come back on Sunday to share in the medical discoveries of Dr Yang Ying, Certified Insurance Related Practitioner and Form Forger, wanted in three countries across two continents for gross malpractice and medical fraud, yet very hard to find since like most of the Creedmoor staff whose names appear on Medicaid, Medicare, disability, SSI and private insurance forms on Creedmoor, he seems to exist only on the welfare rolls.
Zait gezint!
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Admou"r: We count Sfira from 5 Iyar to 9 Av
BS"D
The Admou"r meCreedmoor crawled out from the ruins of the rows of abandoned buildings in Washington D.C. which he burned to celebrate the passage of the ObamaCare bill and made the following proclamation:
"It has been our minhag, always spelled backward, to count Sfiras haOimer during the period from Yom HaAtzamois on 5 Iyar until the Feast of the Beginning of Our Golus on 9 Av. During this period, it is meritorious to burn Zionist flags both in garbage cans belonging to the Zionist entity and in buildings which are abandoned except for insurance purposes. When reciting the sfira, one recites the number corresponding to the day, and the Creedmoor sfiros of skila, sryfo, hereg, henek, koreys as follows, skila shebeskilo, sryfo shebeskilo etc etc etc. In addition, if one is burning an insured building he should recite the names of all policyholders on the insurance records as well as all the insurance companies which underwrite the policy - for instance Schmendrick Wurstberger, Chaye Behyme Wurstburger, Koirach Wurstburger Trust, Generali, Allstate, AIG, Lloyd's, State Farm.
Only by mourning the rise of the Zionist entity through the purification of fire can we maintain this Golus that is now even kinder to us since we of Creedmoor will be eligible for even more benefits under ObamaCare."
The Admou"r meCreedmoor crawled out from the ruins of the rows of abandoned buildings in Washington D.C. which he burned to celebrate the passage of the ObamaCare bill and made the following proclamation:
"It has been our minhag, always spelled backward, to count Sfiras haOimer during the period from Yom HaAtzamois on 5 Iyar until the Feast of the Beginning of Our Golus on 9 Av. During this period, it is meritorious to burn Zionist flags both in garbage cans belonging to the Zionist entity and in buildings which are abandoned except for insurance purposes. When reciting the sfira, one recites the number corresponding to the day, and the Creedmoor sfiros of skila, sryfo, hereg, henek, koreys as follows, skila shebeskilo, sryfo shebeskilo etc etc etc. In addition, if one is burning an insured building he should recite the names of all policyholders on the insurance records as well as all the insurance companies which underwrite the policy - for instance Schmendrick Wurstberger, Chaye Behyme Wurstburger, Koirach Wurstburger Trust, Generali, Allstate, AIG, Lloyd's, State Farm.
Only by mourning the rise of the Zionist entity through the purification of fire can we maintain this Golus that is now even kinder to us since we of Creedmoor will be eligible for even more benefits under ObamaCare."
Friday, April 02, 2010
Lecha Doidi Creedmoor Style - With Apologies to Yisroel Werdyger and Boruch Levine
BS"D
My apologies to Yisroel Werdyger and Boruch Levine for turning the original song (YW) and the great English version, based on a real story (BL) into a parody (and of course to Rav Shlomo Alkabetz ZYA), but this is no holds barred Creedmoor where everything goes.
Unsolicited Recommendation: if you don't have the Werdyger and Levine albums get them NOW while you can still listen: "Bayis Neemon beYisroel" and "Touched by a Niggun"
In a Federal courtroom on a morning so gray
The bored jury counted down to the day
That the judge would sentence Shmeel for arson again
And send him off to prison for a good five to ten
But in a corner sat the guilty man
Doing anything to avoid a spell in the can
Suddenly words so familiar to the judge
Shmeel began to mercilessly fudge
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
In a tune that all wish had remained unheard
Screeched and screamed Shmeel the future jailbird
As candles flickered in his dark holding cell
But this was Tuesday, not Friday, he had to be unwell
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"What was he doing singing Lecha Doidi
In a coarse, raucous tune that irritated me
On a Tuesday morning in Manhattan, New York
For a Jewish judge who proudly ate pork?"
Lecha doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecha doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The charge was arson, for at least the third time
On the Three Strikes Law he could do life for his crime
But Shmeel der Brenner was determined you see
To convince the judge that he was totally cray-zee
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The judge heard the words, and suffered through the tune
He wondered if last night there had been a full moon
In any case Shmeel was nuts as he could see
Only a nut started Tuesday with Lecho Doidi
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The judge said these words that gladdened Shmeel's heart:
"I happen to be Jewish, though I don't look the part
And when I went to camp years and years ago
We sang Lecha Doidi on Friday night you know!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"The sentencing guidelines in your case are clear
You are criminally insane, away you go for a year
To Creedmoor, dear Creedmoor, to a padded cell
And after that you will surely be well!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
So off to Creedmoor went Shmeel with glee
Still in his bathrobe singing Lecho Doidi
They escorted him off to a clean padded cell
And told him they would let him out when he's well
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
And that first Shabbos, just before Friday night,
The brand new psychiatrist recoiled in fright
Shmeel the Firebug lit candles with glee
And the cell caught fire as he sang Lecho Doidi
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"Doctor, dear Doctor, I meant no harm
But collecting on this one is a real charm
I put fire insurance on this rubber room too
Now let me go home and I'll share it with you!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
But this time the scheme came to a bad end
The shrink was a Muslim and by no means a friend
Shmeel was sent away to a koilel run by the Feds
And they stopped his pills when he was caught selling the meds!
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
And Dr Mohammed Khan collected every cent
On the policy for the cell that was zer shtark farbrent
But when the police caught on to his game
To Karachi he was deported, his head bent in shame
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
My apologies to Yisroel Werdyger and Boruch Levine for turning the original song (YW) and the great English version, based on a real story (BL) into a parody (and of course to Rav Shlomo Alkabetz ZYA), but this is no holds barred Creedmoor where everything goes.
Unsolicited Recommendation: if you don't have the Werdyger and Levine albums get them NOW while you can still listen: "Bayis Neemon beYisroel" and "Touched by a Niggun"
In a Federal courtroom on a morning so gray
The bored jury counted down to the day
That the judge would sentence Shmeel for arson again
And send him off to prison for a good five to ten
But in a corner sat the guilty man
Doing anything to avoid a spell in the can
Suddenly words so familiar to the judge
Shmeel began to mercilessly fudge
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
In a tune that all wish had remained unheard
Screeched and screamed Shmeel the future jailbird
As candles flickered in his dark holding cell
But this was Tuesday, not Friday, he had to be unwell
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"What was he doing singing Lecha Doidi
In a coarse, raucous tune that irritated me
On a Tuesday morning in Manhattan, New York
For a Jewish judge who proudly ate pork?"
Lecha doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecha doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The charge was arson, for at least the third time
On the Three Strikes Law he could do life for his crime
But Shmeel der Brenner was determined you see
To convince the judge that he was totally cray-zee
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The judge heard the words, and suffered through the tune
He wondered if last night there had been a full moon
In any case Shmeel was nuts as he could see
Only a nut started Tuesday with Lecho Doidi
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
The judge said these words that gladdened Shmeel's heart:
"I happen to be Jewish, though I don't look the part
And when I went to camp years and years ago
We sang Lecha Doidi on Friday night you know!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"The sentencing guidelines in your case are clear
You are criminally insane, away you go for a year
To Creedmoor, dear Creedmoor, to a padded cell
And after that you will surely be well!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
So off to Creedmoor went Shmeel with glee
Still in his bathrobe singing Lecho Doidi
They escorted him off to a clean padded cell
And told him they would let him out when he's well
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
And that first Shabbos, just before Friday night,
The brand new psychiatrist recoiled in fright
Shmeel the Firebug lit candles with glee
And the cell caught fire as he sang Lecho Doidi
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
"Doctor, dear Doctor, I meant no harm
But collecting on this one is a real charm
I put fire insurance on this rubber room too
Now let me go home and I'll share it with you!"
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
But this time the scheme came to a bad end
The shrink was a Muslim and by no means a friend
Shmeel was sent away to a koilel run by the Feds
And they stopped his pills when he was caught selling the meds!
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
And Dr Mohammed Khan collected every cent
On the policy for the cell that was zer shtark farbrent
But when the police caught on to his game
To Karachi he was deported, his head bent in shame
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Lecho doidi likras kalloh, oid kama binyonim nisryfo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)