Sunday, May 02, 2010

"A Gitte Sryfe far Lag B'Oimer" -


"While we at Creedmoor do not celebrate the tzionish holiday of Lag BeOimer, and we consider Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai a tzioni because he did not surrender to the Romans or better yet visit Rome, we do accept that today is an auspicious day for a gitte sryfe because you can always blame the fire on the Zionists.

We recommend that you purchase property in the vicinity of a shul, yeshiva or other tzionish moisad today, using the hyliger method of the flip where you put down a deposit so you can sell the worthless property on to a real sucker.

You then transfer the entity to some phoney religious corporation such as "The Community of Strife and Baseless Hatred of The Budapest Subway System May It Be Rebuilt in Our Days" and make sure to buy insurance for your now tax exempt property.

Then, burn one Zionist flag soaked in kerosene per square meter (we DO NOT use yards as this is a Zionist measurement and the only yards we care about are old scrapyards and shipyards that we can set to blazes) in the shell of the property and document the fire.

Now that your property is a house of worship, you simply claim that you burned it down as part of a religious ceremony, namely burning the tzioinish flag on Lag BeOimer in solidarity with the Palestinians and Neturei Karta who are oppressed minorities.

Finally, not only should you claim insurance but you should apply for a bailout from the great friend of the oppressed minorities, Rabbynee Barack Hussein Obama. To get this, show how many low income tenants you had living on the property (remember every rat counts as 2 mice and every mouse as 10 roaches) and how much you are doing for diversity in Brooklyn or Queens or wherever your property was located.

Then, promise me, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, 90% and ACORN 120%. This is a guaranteed segile to avoid prosecution.."

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