Tuesday, May 04, 2010

In Mourning: Schmoigerman Sits Motionless on Lawn; Tears Welfare Cheques


We have been informed by our usual spurious and fictitious sources that our beloved and benighted Admou"r, Dovid Schmoigerman, is in a state of deep depression L"A as a result of the much belated passing of his teacher, Moishe Hirsch of Ohel Hagar "Nutter Kartel" in Al-Qods.

The Admou"r has been spotted wearing a completely intact yellow garbage bag as he sits on the front lawn of his D-ward yeshiva and shil complex, listlessly tearing welfare cheques that he would normally cash for 60 cents on the dollar with one of his Pakistani hawala transfer agents in Midwood.

The cheques are invariably made out to deceased or incarcerated recipients and are dated as far back as 1976, which can only be expected as the Schmoigerman multi quintillion soul welfare enterprise has been funded via EBT and not cheque for the last decade or so.

It is believed that Schmoigerman will claim back welfare and SSI for these departed and depraved ones, as well as attempt to collect additional SSI and prescriptions for saleable prescription anti-depressants to treat his own hopelessly depressed 150 quintillion personalities, who are all moaning to one another and crying over the departure to the subterranean hot springs of the one and only Moussa as-Sabih, better known as Moishe Hirsch, former Minister of Jewish Affairs of the Palestinian Authority and confidante of the late Yasser Arafat YMS.

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