BS"D
After a long hibernation in which it was said that he induced symptoms of multiple personality failure in order to avoid prosecution for gross fraud, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, arose from his deathbed to offer assistance to fellow lunatic Muammar el-Ghadaffi of Libya.
"After my friend Reb Muammar said...when I do, everything will burn..I remembered I have insurance on several tents in Libya. So I want to help him make sure everything will burn," the reclusive self-proclaimed leader of 150 quintillion self-proclaimed souls said. "Therefore, I am offering three quintillion of my strongest men and eleven million gallons of rancid galle to the Ghadaffi army in order to fight against those who would dare rebel against the tzaddik ha-dor!"
The Admou"r, who seems to proclaim his own cessation of existence from time to time yet somehow manages to collect various entitlement and subsidy programs for more people than ever existed since the creation of the world, may not have any strong men to send. According to welfare records, every single one of his faithful is either on life support, quadriplegic, blind, deaf, developmentally disabled, or whatever combination of ailments and impediments will get the most sympathy from his network of suborned welfare social workers.
In addition, the Admou"r is said to have built a thirty-two million dollar gravesite for himself, so that he can prove his own demise in the event of arrest or indictment. On April 1, which is the anniversary of his "death" as well as the anniversary of his committment to Creedmoor Psychiatric Center's abandoned D-ward, the grave somehow comes to life when thousands of pilgrims, all of whom share the same address at a Mailboxes Plus in Queens, arrive to pray at the "holy" site.
Middle East observers discount Schmoigerman's offer as another attempt to ensure that the "rabbi" retains the diagnosis of multiple personality syndrome and delusions of grandeur that keeps him in Creedmoor and out of Otisville, where he is said to have both followers and competitors.
Muammar el-Ghadaffi was unable to be reached for comment. His line was busy fielding calls from three quintillion brain-damaged quadriplegics on life support who need transport to arrive in Libya and fight for the Ghadaffi cause.
6 comments:
> Middle East observers discount Schmoigerman's offer as another attempt to ensure that the "rabbi" retains the diagnosis of multiple personality syndrome
so as to keep receiving food stamps, and section 8 vouchers for the 150 quintillion residents of Kiryas Creedmoor
in fact, financial experts have claimed that the food stamps subsidies to the residents of Kiryas Creedmoor have played a large part in fueling the riots that we have seen in North Africa
thus after undertaking a full chesboin hanefesh (ok a few months late, but whose counting), the admor decided to do a full tikkun by offering his 150 quintillion hasidim to his haver from heder, muamar
vi hat gezugt der admor in his drushe to last week's parsha, 'vas vun hent ken takke teyk, di oder can gib beck'
BS"D
Thanks far de update - a frylechin Adar!!!
BS'D
OK - now I have the full story. All of the Schmoigerman food stamps are of course counterfeit. So what he did was to send reams of them to rebels in Libya in order that they could wreck the economy in such a way that they would be held responsible.
Then, Schmoigerman, who is a UN licensed printer of currency, printed real money for Ghadaffi to exchange at exorbitant rates.
In the end, Ghadaffi will join Schmoigerman in Creedmoor, and he will open a new clothing chain called Daffy Ghadaffi's, which will accept only the food stamps and Schmoigerman dinars that Ghadaffi brings with him when he flees Libya.
Amusing as ever. Creedmoor news should be copied to soc.culture.jewish, for the benefit of the sonei Yisrael there.
BS"D
Thanks! It's spammed to death over there now, isn't it? All I see of interest is an occasional Tekhelet ramble!
a frylechin Adar to you too !!!
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