Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mysterious Creedmoor Clergyman Issues Statement on Ted Kennedy


"The CRC - Creedmoor Roman Church - mourns the very timely and much delayed passing of Senator Edward Kennedy, alcoholic, cheater, hit and run driver and all around good man. We must mention in passing wind his contributions which allow us to receive the welfare and other programs upon which we depend. May he enjoy the eternal rest that awaits him in the deepest fires of infernity!"

This cryptic statement was issued by "Father David O'Schmoiger of the CRC - Creedmoor Roman Church", a hitherto unknown organization sharing a PO Box address with the various organizations and congregations run by the famous Admou"r meCreedmoor, Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman.

The establishment of a church in the Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of Creedmoor can point to only one possibility - an attempt to further defraud the Federal Government of the United States of America by some type of attempt at an interfaith program that would be subsidized by welfare or similar Federal payments.

A review of the 150 quintillion soul and singular body membership of the original Creedmoor congregation does show a number of members of Irish origin, including one gentleman by the name of Abd ul-Wahid O'Shaugnessy, and his wife, Faige Chaye Malone O'Shaugnessy. Apparently, Rabbi Schmoigerman is about to separate those entities who bear surnames that are associated with the Roman Church into a new set of phantom organizations so as to obtain even more funding.

However, with the late Edward Kennedy having assumed long overdue room temperature, it is not known which Senator will be able to assist Schmoigerman in his latest quest to obtain extended subsidies and grants.

We can only surmise that Schmoigerman, most of whose followers voted for the present Presidential administration, is about to call in yet more favors from either the President or other politicians who swept into office rather than ended up sweeping floors thanks to Schmoigerman's sweeping endorsement and clean sweep of phantom votes on their behalf.

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