Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Solomon Drek gets his due from the Admou"r


Solomon Drek thought he had a sure fire ticket to immunity from prosecution for his myriad real estate shenanigans, as well as a nice percentage of the take for his mesira of one Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, (better known as the Admou"r meCreedmoor), to the FBI.

However, in his avarice and desire for a get out of jail free card, he did not take into account the fact that the entire "SQUIRREL" voter registration project which led to the election of the present Federal misadministration was masterminded by none other than Schmoigerman and his congregation of one hundred and fifty quintillion preposterously fictitious souls. This meant Schmoigerman was immune from any sort of prosecution as his votes were necessary to guarantee the election of an Affirmative Action and welfare based administration many, many times over.

Therefore, when Drek was on his way to meet his former Rebbe and present nemesis, Schmoigerman was warned by the very same Mr deBris who was supposedly deploying Drek that said excrementalist was wearing a hidden microphone.

Not only did Schmoigerman place an elaborate circuitry in his tin foil shtreimel which in turn disabled Drek's rather drekish microphone, but said tin foil shtreimel boasted a large and visible microphone on its very top!

When Drek saw this, he knew he was dealing with someone who, well, was not playing with a full deck, or even a full Drek. Therefore, he made his offer with nothing but brazen chutzpah:

"Rabbi, I have here $350,000 in food stamps that I got from selling phony Gucci and Prada bags in Chinatown, and another 500,000 that I got from selling a kidney I harvested myself in Nigeria to an oil sheikh in Kuwait..."

"Drekele, myne Drekele, so long since I saw you and your uncle here, and what is with your father's yeshiva. You want I should take those food stamps and give you cash for your father's yeshiva. Never a problem, the way you learn Choshen Mishpat there is the same way we learn it here but I'm confirmed majnoun, you know, meshigge, by all 50 states and the UN and EU. Your uncle is just stam a gonif who I protect by laundering his crack with my powdered bleach and his money in my washing machine. Here, give me the food shtempelach, I make to your father's yeshiva a big check in US funds..."

Solomon Drek could not believe his ears. Conversion of food stamps to cash - felony. Conversion of illegally obtained food stamps to cash - even bigger felony. Illegal donation to a non profit organization - super felony. He, little, unappetizing, greasy, ugly, nearsighted, Slow-mo Shlomo, the laughingstock of his grade school class even if his father was the rosh yeshiva, would be the man who broke the Schmoigerman one man crime syndicate. This guy was no majnoun besides, and he spoke in almost perfect English so he could not claim he swam off some boat from Hungary!

The Admou"r then continued: "OK, here, here in this envelope is dyne check. You open it only when you leave here, I don't want that the cameras should see because I'm not supposed to have checking accounts in US funds only my own currency and food stamps..."

In reality, the check was worthless and drawn on a shul account held at the now defunct Washington Immemorial bank.

Drek then further propositioned the Admou"r: "Rabbi, I need one more kidney, the guy in Kuwait insists he wants two transplanted and not one. Can you get me one for say, $180,000?"

"Sure! I have 150 quintillion Chassidim! You don't think I can spare a kidney or two? We could go into business, you and me, selling kidneys and fake bags to all the yachnes in Boro Park so they can make cholent! OK, here we go. Jacinto Schmoigerman O'Donnelly, he is my nephew from my third rebbetzin, he lives on 38 Rodent Mill Road, Verminville, Queens. You go there, he is waiting for you. Better yet, hold on, let me check my refrigerator..."

Dreck thought to himself...phoney address but still an attempt to sell body parts...fraud times ten....

And then he was rudely awakened from his reverie:

"Drek, here, here is your kidney beans, three pounds, and some franks also, and here I teach you how to make Sholam Weiss Kosher Franks and Beans, there is the recipe inside the fake Prada bag. OK. There, you have that, you have your address, and you have your check. What more do you want? You take the bags and the beans and the franks to all the stores and see who wants to buy. I give them the schoire, you get 20% out of my 120%. OK. That is all you need for your father's yeshiva..."

Solomon Drek got the message, fast.

And when he returned to his palatial home in Long Arm of the Law, New Joisey, he was greeted by Federal marshals who had heard the transmission from the Admour's microphone. Solomon Drek knew he would be celebrating many, many siyumei masechtos in one Federal Koilel or another starting very soon.

Score. Drek -10000 Schmoigerman 10.

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