Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Creedmoor Readies Itself for Pilgrimage of 150 Quintillion Souls on Dec 25


"Whomsoever visits my gravesite on December 25th, I will surely usher him into the eighth section of Gan Eden!"

So it states in Pninei Creedmoor (The Heavily Insured Pearl Necklaces of Creedmoor), a collection of sayings and statements by the renowned holy fraud, charlatan, swindler, boor and ignoramus Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman, the Admou"r meCreedmoor.

However, the Admou"r meCreedmoor is very much alive according to all reports, and he is often seen walking around the abandoned D-ward section of Creedmoor in tin foil boxer shorts and an orange garbage bag.

Nevertheless, he has constructed a gravesite for himself, to which he welcomes pilgrims who present a valid EBT card which is debited at the turnstile that leads to the elaborately constructed mausoleum.

And it is to this gravesite that every one of his 150 quintillion followers will arrive on December 25th, for as the Admou"r explains: "25 is two and five, which is seven, and I am the One, which is one, so two and five and one makes eight!" Indeed, it is on this great and auspicious day that the 150 quintillion souls are blessed with the "eighth section of Heaven," in the form of a certificate valid for "Section 8" housing subsidies which of course are valid only in properties owned and often incinerated by the Schmoigerman Companies, the real estate strong arm of the Creedmoorer religious empire.

Whether the Admou"r will actually arise from his grave is debatable, as his extreme girth makes it difficult for him to lift himself up from the six foot deep hole filled with insurance policies which lies under his gravestone.

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