FAQ: Ecumenical Tefillin

BS"D

We are pleased to have received inquiries from madrassa students, psychiatric patients and prisoners from Waziristan to Michigan, and we are thankful to Rabbis Pashkvilkemacher and Schmoigerman for helping us answer the fine halachic points found on the questioners' heads:

1) Do you offer Hindu and Buddhist tefillin as well?

Sure. We offer a five in one set that includes a set of Hindu verses chosen by Shiv Sena activists in the tefillin shel regel smoili, and a picture of Buddha inside the tefillin shel regel yemini.

2) Do you sell spare retzuois?

Sure. However, the detonator retzuois for the shel rosh are usually single use only unless defective. If defective, we will provide new ones shipped direct to your place of detention or incarceration.

3) Whose hechsherim are available on the tefillin?

All tefillin are certified by the Rabbinical Board of Interfaith Understanding and Reconciliation, led by Sheikh Moussa al-Dib Beck, Pat Buchanan, and Mullah Omar. Actual verses are inspected by trained soifrim and explosives experts from Yeshiva veMidrassas Hamas veTaliban of Monsey, London and al-Qods as-Sharif.

4) Am I yotze mitzvas tefillin with only one shel yad?

If you ask that question, besser you should put on the shel rosh first and hit it hard, preferably in an open field or a very heavily insured warehouse in DUMBO.