Sunday, March 07, 2010

Perek Shira Creedmoor Style


The Admou"r did not celebrate Purim last Sunday as he did not wish to offend Ahmadinejad, Ahron Cohen and others among his faithful Chassidim. Instead, he is beginning Purim today, which he probably thinks is Mardi Gras because in Creedmoor Sunday and Tuesday are both days when the Welfare Bank of Creedmoor is closed except for emergencies.

Today, he has issued a new version of Perek Shira, in which selected animals sing quite loudly and off tune. Here are the first of the forty creepy, crawly creatures to sing the praises of the Admou"r as they illustrate how one must act toward the government and insurance companies to be a real Creedmoorer:

And the rat sings: "If you have too many of me they won't certify your buildings for Section 8 so better you should just give me and my friends names and Social Security numbers so you sign us all up for welfare too!"

And the cockroach sings: "Even when you burn down your buildings, we survive, and we'll survive after Ahmadinejad blows up the rest of you poor schnooks!"

And the termite sings: "Let us breed and eat in peace because enough of us around and you won't have to burn down the house for insurance because it will fall down on its own!"

And the dog sings: "Admou"r, I am so happy you don't rent your vacant stores out to Korean restaurants because I value my life but I need to remind you from time to time that even in Creedmoor I am treyf!"

And the pig sings: "With the kashrus the way it is at your glatt shlachthoizen, you might as well knock me over the head and serve me at your daughter's chassune!"

And the stool pigeon sings the song of Solomon (Dwek): "I'll moiser my own mother for a month off my sentence, and my grandfather in der kever I'll moiser oichet if you let me off with probation and a fine for my multimillion dollar Ponzi scam!"

(more later in the week as we get ready for Creedmoorer Purim on April 1)

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