Monday, June 07, 2010

Helen Thomas Asked to Edit New Anti-Zionist Jewish Women's Magazine


Newsbrief: Disgraced Hearst calumnist Helen Thomas has been offered a position as editor in chief of "Daasan Kalois - Di Machshefa" - a new women's publication hitherto edited by Leona Helmsley who was finally pronounced dead after her identiy was used unsuccessfully to apply for several credit cards and loans.

The publication is owned by "The Congregation of Men of Blood and Deceit of Creedmoor", a splinter group within the larger "Anti-Zionist Congregation of Baseless Hatred and Other Unpleasantries of Creedmoor" that was set up when the original congregation became too large to register as one tax exempt organization. As it is run by the notorious Admou"r Dovid Schmoigerman, it is known for its extreme anti-Zionism and indeed attempts to send flotillas to Gaza, each of which has ended in very profitable disaster when the highly insured inflatable rafts and rowboats sank only yards from where they set sail.

Since the Admou"r only pays in currency which he himself prints, and Thomas would fabricate anything to get into print, analysts believe that the two will indeed be able to cooperate and that Thomas will indeed accept the position which Schmoigerman has offered.

Nevertheless, there is no word yet as to whether Thomas will join the Creedmoorer publication, which carries with it the need to fabricate stories regarding Zionist atrocities while maintaining a viewpoint acceptable to followers of Osama bin Laden. In fact, "Daasan Kalois - Di Machshefa" is also very widely read in the Islamic world, as its beauty advice for burqa and chador wearers is extremely popular.

Regardless of whether or not she accepts the editorship, Helen Thomas has indeed graciously agreed to pose wearing an orange plastic burqa designed by the extremely talented wife of the Admou"r, Rebbetzin Izevel Tzoiah Yachne Schmoigerman, whose beauty is said to rival that of Miss Thomas herself.

More as details become available.

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