Friday, December 25, 2009

Schmoigerman: Our EJF is Eternal Justification of Fraud and has no connection with Monsey


"We regret to inform our dearest fans and detractors that for once there was a major scandal affecting the frume velt that our Grand Rebbe, Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman, was not involved in; to dimwit: the Eternal Jewish Family scandal. We do not have any knowledge of this organization or any connection with it. Our organization which shares initials with it was conceived for a totally different purpose and we have never had any connection with the Monsey organization that presently sullies these initials in a more open way than we do.

The Admou"r meCreedmoor has never endorsed any organization that includes "family" in its name except when it provides taxpayer funded aid to impoverished families who are also members of the Creedmoorer chassidus.

In addition, the Admou"r has wished nothing to do with any conversions to Judaism, legitimate or otherwise, as he prefers to fill his phantom buildings with Spanish speaking phantom section 8 tenants who do not demand repairs. While at the beginning of his career he did operate an electronics storefront that advertised conversions for $9.99, most of these were from VHS to DVD format with the occasional 110 to 220 volt conversion done for $29.95.

As the nature of both the films and appliances was not appropriate for a Rebbe of our beloved Admou"r's status, he highly regrets having become involved in this rather petty business and has done full tshive by dedicating his life to the destruction of the tima of tzioinis through bringing about the financial ruin of the Zionist Occupation Forces of the Great Satan of Americhke.

The Admou"r does indeed have an organization known as EJF, but the initials of the Admou"r's EJF stand for "Eternal Justification of Fraud" and it operates a koilel which fabricates and propagates various interpretations of hitherto unknown fragments and out of context quotes from Choshen Mishpat which permit and indeed praise the defrauding of welfare agencies and insurance companies so long as it is done for the purpose of fighting the infernal curse of our generation which is known as tzioinus.

However, this EJF has no connection whatsoever with the "Eternal Jewish Family" organization that is now receiving adverse and perverse press coverage, and the Admou"r has no comment regarding this affair as he is too busy with affairs of his own that involve several single mothers who seem to exist only on the welfare rolls of all fifty states, as well as Her Majesty's Dole in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland."

Postscript: The Admou"r is not considering Leib Tropper as a candidate for Man of the Year and has indeed bestowed the coveted honor upon Solomon Dwek as planned. Mr Dwek was presented with a soiled bedsheet and a note from the Admou"r to "hang yourself with it in the can" by express courier from Pluto last night as the Admou"r was fiering his Nitel Nacht tush.

No comments: