Admou"r demands emergency welfare for an infinite number of microbes!

BS"D

As reported earlier, the Obama Administration has expressed interest in the proposal by Schmoigerman Environmentally Noxious Associates, Inc, a mysterious firm operated by the even more mysterious Creedmoorer Chassidic Community, to unleash several tons of a rancid Hungarian Jewish delicacy which the firm claims contains oil eating bacteria. The firm has guaranteed that this substance will indeed neutralize the BP oil spill and clean the waters that have been affected by it.

The food, known as galle, has apparently been sitting in the Schmoigerman chassidic compound on the grounds of Creedmoor Psychiatric Center for over one year, as it was made for a flag burning ceremony which the controversial community had held in several vacant warehouses on the 61st anniversary of the founding of the State of Israel.

Since the galle has been stored without refrigeration, an infinite number of microbes have colonized it; these range from fungi to bacteria to other organisms which, like many in the Obama administration, have but one barely functioning cell.

However, the price of the proposal is set at one emergency welfare grant, equal to one month's rent in a warehoused apartment being used as an emergency shelter, for EACH microbe.

An Obama administration spokesperson has made it clear that the government is indeed amenable to the proposal, so long as each microbe then promises to vote Democratic in the November 2010 elections and then vote for Obama in 2012.

URGENT update: "Galle" from CSS Moishe Hirsch wreck contains oil eating bacteria

BS"D

We have just received the following information from the Creedmoorer Department of Economically and Environmentally Noxious Activities (Machon haKilkul vehaTiruf she al ydei Khal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor veShaar Marin Bishin):

The galle which nearly spilled due to Zionist sabotage and was indeed rescued by a brave member of our Shomrei Bituach patrol was not headed to Gaza. It was and is instead intended to be used for the cleanup of the BP oil spill. As the galle was made no later than last Yom ha'Atzamois, it is confirmed rancid and therefore rich in destructive bacteria that destroy oil spills the way they destroy everyone who touches the galle at Shabbos kiddush.

A special arrangement is being made between the government of Obamistan and the Arba Misois Beis Din of Creedmoor to allow for proper reimbursement of the Admou"r for his many tons of noxious and all consuming bacteria. More on Sunday after the tzioinish Shabbos!

Ve ha'ir Creedmoor tzohalo vesomeicho...

BS"D

The Creedmoor Nation is here, and it is all of America.

Indeed, the Admou"r meCreedmoor and his real life followers, the dregs who, for social reasons, hang on to and infect the haimishe community while they have no connection with Torah values, and who indeed are suspected of committing offenses similar to the ones depicted here, are celebrating because they know that an Obama presidency means more opportunities to bilk the welfare system.

And Ahmadinejad, the Naye Homon, was fast to congratulate Obama on his victory.

So, Creedmoor ze kan, or kol ha'aretz Creedmoor.

But it is not necessarily a laughing matter, and America must right itself or accept a position far from its previous role as the leading nation of the world.

While Creedmoor will open from time to time, especially in Adar and during civil vacation time, most of my satire will now be directed at Obama and at the moral, social and ethical decay that allowed him to rise to his present position.

I want to welcome Creedmoor fans to Obamaberration.com.

While I intend to do my best to remain within the boundaries that are laid out for me by Torah, it will be a bit rougher than Creedmoor as it is not intended for a Jewish audience. Think of a Chassidish Rush Limbaugh or Bob Grant and you will have an idea of what I am up to; if it is too rough for some I fully understand, especially as I intend not to censor anything other than blatant vulgarity. Even Holocaust deniers will have their say, but in a special section where the rest of us can let off some steam by telling these morons exactly what they are.

So, check out Obamaberration.com if you dare. But if it is too rough and tumble for you, I understand; it is not a Jewish or Chassidic site and I can only get the message across by pushing the envelope a bit (and it's also the only way I can make the site pay for itself!)

If Obamabberation is not your speed, then there is http://lightwell.wordpress.com for more serious Chassidic thought.

OFFICIAL: Der Admou"r Endorses Obama

The Admou"r meCreedmoor has emerged from retirement to volunteer as the hymishe spokesman for the Obama campaign. As always, our favorite tin foil wrapped deluxe fruitcake has made a profound statement of endorsement for his preferred candidate:

"Azoy vi we iz dedikated to the eveporation from the Zionist entity aross fin der mep, end the viktory of inzerer chaver Reb Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over der gantzer velt, we are hereby to endorse the hyliger Barack Hussein Obama ez inzerer choice far next Prezedent fin der United States of Ameritchka. As we are wishink to redefine the malchis shel chessed as a medine vet gibt yeder ayner a velfare-check or 2 or tzvay trilyin, we are knowink det only Barack Hussein Obama iz guaranteeink mischazek zayn der burokratzia fin welfare-administration azoy vi mir ken fool der Affirmative-Eksion hires det work dere into gegibn inz multiple checkelach far'n inzerer multiple personelitiez."

The Admou"r is said to control a bloc of over eighty-five trillion potential votes. Analysts are uncertain as to whether the electoral system of a country with a population of only three hundred and five million would be able to handle such an onslaught of votes. It is assumed that since all but one or perhaps two of the Admou"r's votes belong to entities which are clearly absentee (after all, if one does not exist, one cannot be present!), he will attempt to stuff ballots in several states, including Montana, Baja California and Uttar Pradesh, with absentee votes in time for Election Day in Myanmar.