Thursday, November 03, 2005

Keeping Future Generations Free of Mitzvos - "Dor Reshoim"

As a response to her hyliger husband's continuing detention and with hope that his Section 8 and welfare cheques continue to arrive despite his declaration of independence from the USA, Mrs Izevel Tzoiah Yachne Schmoigerman, Creedmoorer Rebbetzin, a woman who is Izevel, a yachne, and veritably brimming with tzoiah from all her pores, is proud to present DOR RESHOIM!

Imagine the tragedy.

1) Rivky: The daughter of geshmake Federal koilel yungeleit is introduced to a young man who is so far from her family derech - he learns, davens, gives tzedoko, participates in community service without being sentenced to same by a judge...

2) Mendy: The son of the most prominent family in our community, and a young man who has the zechus to be inscribed on the welfare rolls of all fifty states as well as three Canadian provinces is redt to a young lady from a Chassidus that is known for such horrors as bikur choilim...and he marries her and leaves the derech, becoming a successful and ehrliche businessman....

That is why the Rebbetzin is proud to introduce the Dor Reshoim Matchmaking Screening Service! For a very small fee, payable in entitlement checks, we screen potential marriage partners to make sure that both sides have felony records and welfare profiles for at least as many generations as they have resided in the free world! Each participant will have his or her family's records broadcast all over town, in every mikve and even on the Net!

A success story: Yachne and Bilom come from fine State Koilel families, on opposite coasts. Yachne's great grandfather ran a black market in textiles between the 2 wars in Chelm, and her parents are on probation for tax evasion . Bilom's father and mother are serving 20 year sentences for gasoline tax fraud and money laundering. So, when their children came of age, the parents asked Dor Reshoim to check the records. And they matched - both families carry a fine heritage of fraud and parasitism. So, the chassuna was celebrated with one set of parents wearing handcuffs and the other wearing ankle bracelets - invy hagefen veinvy hagefen - or is it oy vay a ganif mit oy vay a gonif! And three months later, Yachne gave birth to a baby who is already signed up for SSI and welfare in 30 states!

So, if you do not want your child to chalila marry an ehrliche baal chesed, but you'd prefer a nishtgeferlache ba'al gayve vetayve, call Dor Reshoim now at 1-888-RESHOIM! Keep our families FREE of birth defects such as chesed, rachamim and ehrlichkeit!

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