Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Reb Yaakov Koppel Ferdganver - part 2

With prosecution clearly impending, the Admou"r decided to convene all of his myriad multiple personalities for a meeting with Dr Khan. In the meantime, Jacinto Rodriguez was still busy searching for 200 more dollars worth of Uncle Sam's hard unearned money, as he had lost his last 100 dollars in a game of three card monte with the very same Dr Khan! (Of course, Dr Khan, in his august and hallowed capacity as a shill for the Admou"r, turned 80 of those 100 dollars over to his lord and master, der Admou"r bikvoidoi ibeatzamoisoi!).

The meeting, which was attended by two people who somehow managed to receive no fewer than eight thousand monthly Federal and State subsidy and entitlement cheques between them, was quite successful. It was decided that the Admou"r and his loyal partner would return the 100 dollars worth of food stamps to Jacinto, and even give him a broomstick, free of charge, in exchange for a rather small favor.

The Admou"r contacted the Disunion Bank of Schvitzerland a/k/a his private bank in Nauru so as to obtain forms which would allow the transfer of all of the substantial Shmoigerman/K'hal Sinas Chinom and Khan/Creedmoor Curried Goat and Psychiatric Services accounts to one Yaakov Koppel Ferdganver, whose signature was duly recorded as three X's followed by a Z.

Then, the Admou"r contacted another of his most faithful Chassidim, Shabtai Olamnivrabishvili, the proprietor of Dollar Printing and Lamination of Rego Park, with an order for a passport and driver's licence in the name of Jacob K. Ferdganver.

When the documents were couriered over to Creedmoor and signed for by "Dr Pervy Khan," the Admou"r invited Rodriguez into his cheder yichud and gave him a broomstick, and 100 dollars worth of forged food stamps which had arrived in the packet from the printer. He then asked Rodriguez, a functional illiterate, to make 3 x's and a z on the signature lines of a number of bank transfer orders and contracts.

Rodriguez could not contain his glee: "Rabbi gimme hooooooorseeyy! Rabbi gimme hoorssseey! Now I back in Mexico beeg horse theef and thees time I no pay for horse neether. Ride 'em cowboy! Me no buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllllllsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeettttt!"

The Admou"r replied with a brocho: "May you live a very long time so you can ride dayn fertselach all day long where du darfst geyen! From now on, your name is no longer Jacinto Rodriguez! It is Yaakov Koppel Ferdganver! Af Yiddish dat means Jeck da horse theef! You should be proud from your genayves!"

Jacinto was so thankful that he took the Admou'r's Commerce Bank handout pen and wrote lines and lines of x's and z's on a roll of Creedmoorer klaf a/k/a Scottissue.

With that, and a call placed by Dr Pervez "Pervy" Khan to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the fate of Jacinto Rodriguez, soon to be the Rosh Koilel of the Federal Koilel of Leavenworth, was sealed.....

Part 3 coming all too soon!

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