Friday, December 23, 2005

Der Shygetz interviews an emmesdige Shygetz!


Yes, I, Rabbi Gimpel Pashkvilkemacher, editor and publisher of the Asher Yotzor Zhournal a/k/a Der Shygetz, has had the dubious and unsalutary privilege of interviewing the one and only Moishe Aryeh Friedman. Yes, the very same arva d'rabbonon who sees it fit to invite neo-Nazis to his son's bar mitzvah (I mean, who else would come anyway), while he supports the destruction and murder of Jews at the hands of Arab tzoirerim.

Most importantly, as you will see in this interview, I have unlocked the secret of his very well deserved inferiority complex, that causes him to look up to unrepentant Jew haters from Europe and Arabia alike. (Of course, any resemblance between the pathetic little excuse for a man whom I interviewed in Creedmoor and the ridiculously pathetic minuscule excuse for a man who lives, if you call that living, in Monsey, is purely unintentional - but I won't mince words - the real article is too sad to be funny and is just a plain schvantz, whereas the character I met in Creedmoor at least can laugh at himself.)

DS: Very nice to meet you, Rabbi Fryedkopf.

RMAF: That is Friedman, you dirty Zionist sone Yisroel.

DS: OK - I will call you Erev Rov Friedman then

RMAF: That is fine - most of the time I only leave the house after dark because I do not dare show my face when it is light out - a man of my stature, you know...

DS: I understand that you are short on stature and brainpower, to say nothing of aidelkeit, because of the odd circumstances of your birth....

RMAF: Yes, this is true. My story begins with a violent little Albanian drug dealer and all around scoundrel named Gabel Mutgabelaj and his wife, Satjia...

DS: You mean your birth parents are not Jewish?

ERMAF: My mother's mother was a Jew from Dubrovnik or Skopje. At least that is what Onan Child and Family Services told my adoptive parents. But to be sure, I had hatafas dam bris with a blunt kitchen knife - since the rov was not too sure what had to be done, nor could he understand why my adoptive parents, whose memory I shame every day, wanted me around, he suggested this compromise.

DS: And why were you put up for adoption?

ERMAF: As I said, my biological father was a violent little drug dealing shtick garbage. According to what I was told, he pushed my mother AH down three flights of stairs, causing irreversible brain damage and resulting in a miscarriage...

DS: A miscarriage? You were born as the result of a miscarriage?

ERMAF: Yes. My father was a miserable little sadist and he found some doctor who must have studied at Mengele Medical College....

DS: WHAT? This is more fantastically sick than anything I can come up with!

ERMAF: Well, that is why you have the zechus of printing it. In any case, the doctor, whose name is protected because he is in the Federal Witness Protection Plan for turning my father into the authorities, set up some sort of apparatus with a bell transformer, a few 9 volt batteries, and some copper wire...

DS: Get out of here! Or as I understand you were known for saying during your short lived yeshiva career, SHYGETZ AROSS!

ERMAF: Listen, I have the medical records to prove it. My rosh yeshiva showed them to me when he threw me out of United Talmudical Academy into the cold, unforgiving Monsey streets...

DS: So I guess that because of your experience of being thrown out of yeshiva, you hate your fellow Jews and want to see them destroyed by your Austrian and Arab buddies?

ERMAF: No, it is just that I hate myself so much for being born. The one I really want to kill is my father, but he is in protective custody. He is only about the size of your average 12 year old...
DS: So he is a head taller than you are?

ERMAF: Yes. And that is why I am attracted to powerful men, like Hamas terrorists and Austrian neo-Nazis..

DS: Did you also invite some Hamas guys to your son's Bar Mitzvah?

ERMAF: No. After 9-11, you try getting on a plane with a name like Jihad Nidal ibn Itbach al-Yahud and your picture in every Israeli post office...

DS: So you had to make do with some miserable lowlife neo-Nazi ymach shmoi? Did he at least enjoy the party?

ERMAF: Of course. But we did not let him pull off the stunt he wanted to pull - namely releasing some gas into the hall....

DS: You are sicker than I thought.

ERMAF: Look, I had a very troubled childhood. I will let you in on a secret. My name is not even Friedman. I was adopted by a well known rebbeish family, and they had enough of me. Meanwhile, my rebbi in mesivta, the vantz who threw me out, Rabbi Yankev Feherszar, used to say; Moishe Aryeh, at the rate you are going, on the electric chair you will end up; you will get fried, man!

DS: So you took the name Friedman?

ERMAF: Not exactly. My adoptive parents asked Feherszar to take me to the Social Security office. Feherszar speaks English worse than I do (note, all responses have been translated from Gibberish to English by Mrs Yachne Farblungetberger of the Der Shygetz editorial staff), and all the time I was misbehaving in the office. So the whole time he tells me: You are going to get fried, man. And of course the idiot can't fill out any form unless it's for welfare or Section 8 - then all from a sudden he knows English, so for my name he puts Moishe Aryeh Is Going to Get Fried, Man.

DS: Umm..I know what Feherszar means....

ERMAF: Zeyr gut! Hungarian I also learned in the mikve toilets, if you know what I mean. Anyway his name was Jakob Feher on his passport - I stole it from him on the day he was supposed to fly to the Zionist entity for his levaya....

DS: For his LEVAYA?

ERMAF: Yeah. He gave a get by his first wife for about 50 thousand dollars and a Cadillac, and if you saw the cholerye he married the second time, you would know why I called it a levaya...

DS: Who do you think you are? The Creedmoor Chronicler? You could be the haimishe Jackie Mason!

ERMAF: Jackie Mason? Feh, a tziyoini, in oichet an Aroini. So anyway, we're in Monroe in the Social Security office, and the clerk asks Feherszar what in the world he wrote. He is a yid too, a freier tzioini, and he figures when Feherszar says Fried, man my name has to be Friedman.

DS: And how do people pronounce your name?

ERMAF: Schmuck, putz, lowlife, shtick dreck, bisha, chilul Hashem mamash are usually how people pronounce my name. Only one man gives me respect. Such a nice, big, strong man - and his name is John Gudenus. Also another one, Ewald Stadler. Such nice men. They know from me that there was no such thing from gas chambers; I make up the story about Gudenus wanting to throw gas in my bar mitzvah

DS: WHAT? You deny the Shoah???

ERMAF: Of course. This, the Chmelnitzki massacres, even the Armenian business - all a Zionist plot! Besides, Johnele and Ewaldish pay me; I'll say anything for a few Euros!

DS: So you want to be the Chief Rabbi of Austria?

ERMAF: Not quite. I want to be the Rabbi of the Independent Congregation Hashmadas Yisroel of Vienna.

DS: How will you get your community recognized?

ERMAF: That is why I agreed to speak to you. Your Creedmoorer Rov knows how to get multiple personalities onto the welfare rolls as well as bichlal how to fake multiple personality syndrome so you get the personalities in the first place. In gantz Austria there are 8000 yidden maybe. But plenty of anti-Zionist neo Nazis and Muslims. To begin with I'll say that they are all Jewish. You know the medina brings shkootzim so they can have more people. At least I am honest and I say my people are anti-Zionists. They bring anti-Semitic shkootzim fun Russland and say they are Jewish, and since they serve in the Army they are Zionist too.....

DS: For mamash a meshuggener, your thinking is sadly right on target sometimes. Just stay away from the guys with the swastikas and you'll go far in life - at least as far as Sing Sing.

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