CREEDMOOR DECLARES INDEPENDENCE!

In a shocking announcement before the Krias Shygetz Aroys this past Shabbos (the first Shabbos of Ramadan), the Admou"r meCreedmoor declared that from now on, his communities, D-ward and Kiryas Naye Creedmoor, are to be considered a sovereign, independent Jewish state!

"You know, for tvelf yohr now, we have been draying our kop to get a shtickl welfare and some insurance from the government and the insurance companies. But look at the Zionist entity! Every yohr they schnorr billyens, billyens, fin der memsholoh. Now, we say we also iz geven an independent Jewish state and we can oichet get billions! Both parties, they need the Jewish vote - and since we have so many multiple neshomos here, burich Allah, we can deliver so many votes - so what if we are independent, we just register say a million or so neshomelach on the voter rolls, and the other zibn million or so we register as citizens from our new nisht-Tziyoini Jewish state! Now, see what we get? A million sets fin food stamps and velfare checken, and a few billyen in financial aid and defense aid? Yo, defense aid - mir darf machen a defence against the real mishiggoners over in A-ward and B-ward and the tzudrayt outpatients who sleep over in C-ward from time to time. So, from now on, mir zenen "Der Independent Republic fin Creedmoor in Shaar Marin Bishin" and I am now to be called "Admou"r-for-Life" - but we'll mach azoy vi in Mitzroyim and do an election every four years so I ken get 99 protzent fin der vote. Mitzroyim oichet get billyens fin Fetter Shmeel - and det's not even a democressy!"

It was then announced that "Printabuck" - Hakolbishvili and Sons of Rego Park - would serve as the Royal Mint of Creedmoor, and that Creedmoor would begin issuing its own currency, to be called the "shtickel gelt," in denominations of three, seven and nine geltlach as well as in larger bills of sixty-nine and ninety-three geltlach. As of now, MehaDreck Mart grocery and "Yecharyv Byscho" hardware, as well as Hymie's Hymish Talking Fish Store, all of Kiryas Naye Creedmoor, have begun to accept the new currency. The Admou"r has notified exchange booths in Chinatown, Brighton Beach, Vilyemsberg, Schnorro Park, and Rego Park that only dollars obtained through insurance fraud are holy enough to exchange for "shtiklach gelt," and that any money on which taxes were paid to the US or Zionist governments can only be exchanged at a rate of 300 dollars or 200,000 shekels to three shtiklach gelt.

As of now, Burkina Fasso and France have recognized the new Independent Republic; Andorra and Iran are expected to follow suit.