As I now have access to sufficient rotten fruit, sugar and yeast to make the rare and highly respected homemade bootleg wine known in our koilel community as "pruno," I am pleased to be able to take orders for this finest of beverages, which is of course under the strict supervision of the Va'ad Hakashrus of the Arba Misos Beis Din d'Creedmoor ve'Shaar Marin Bishin:
Sholam Weiss 842 Year Old Federal Reserve
Since I have BH completed the first three years of my intensive tshuva program here in Federal Koilel, I am pleased to announce that I have a mere 842 years left before I can return to the world at large. Upon said return, I will distribute bottles of the wine which I am now making and for which I am now taking orders via my trusted Rov, the Admou"r meCreedmoor, which in turn are passed on to the guards and administrators here at the Federal Kollel for Long Term Intensive Tshuva, who then pass them on to me during our shiurim and chavrusa study in the heiliger shower stalls of this great institution of true higher tshuva.
Each plastic shampoo bottle filled with a pint (10 fluid ounces al pi masores Federal Koilel) of Sholam Weiss 842 Year Old Federal Reserve Fruit Cocktail Wine is priced at a mere 100 dollars or 120 food stamps per bottle.
Please send orders (from Burkina Faso, Andorra, France and Iran) to:
Cherem Wines and Spirits
PO Box 2342
Kiryas Naye Creedmoor
Independent Republic of Creedmoor 00001
Those using the Zionist postal service of America, which does not recognize our heiliger Republic, may address their letters as follows:
The Grand Admou"r, Ben Yochid d'Sitra Achra, Dovid Schmoigerman Samach Mem
D-ward
Creedmoor Psychiatric Center
80-45 Winchester Boulevard
Queens Village, NY 11427
Tumadige Territory of America
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