Friday, March 13, 2009

Schmoigerman "Insurance Fraud Marathon" Dwarfs Madoff


(Compiled from reports from BSP, Baabamaases Press Agency, Hantariche International and just stam shtussim):

While the financial world still reels from the damage done by disgraced Ponzi scheme operator Bernard Madoff, our reporters have uncovered yet another scheme perpetrated by the perennial fraudster and self proclaimed Chassidic rebbe (and self-committed psychiatric patient), "Rabbi" David Schmoigerman.

The Schmoigerman "insurance fraud marathon", as investigators have termed it, consists of submitting falsified fire marshal reports for properties that do not seem to appear on any map or title search. With sums reaching into the quadrillions of dollars, the latest Schmoigerman scheme is on a far grander scale than that of Madoff - and the difference is that as a sovereign ruler of a strategic ally in the EU's struggle against Zionist domination, Schmoigerman can never be prosecuted in the EU. As far as the US is concerned, Schmoigerman is considered a permanently insane psychiatric patient who has been committed to a secure facility, which renders him immune from US prosecution as well.

In short, Rabbi David Schmoigerman is untouchable, despite even the unparalleled audacity of his most recent attempt to obtain immense sums of money through yet another series of fraudulent insurance transactions.

"There is no 3658 Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn or 9874 Broadway in Manhattan! And there is no such street as 654th Road in ANY of the five boroughs!" stated an exasperated fire marshal who was asked by Schmoigerman to certify that 50, 56, and 97 story buildings located at each address respectively had met their demise in electrical fires.

Since no fire inspector would risk certifying any Schmoigerman building, the eternal schemer simply established a "Ministry of Fire and Flood Damage" of his rump "Independent Anti-Zionist Republic of the Congregation of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor and Other Unpleasant Happenings" and had his newly appointed "Minister", a psychiatrist named Bakri Patel (who is not listed as a licenced physician in New York State where he supposedly practices, leading investigators to suspect he is an illiterate goat farmer in a village in Gujarat, India where Schmoigerman has several phantom properties) certify the buildings as property of the independent entity that had indeed been damaged beyond repair.

Even more alarming is that some of the buildings are supposedly located in foreign countries and insured by underwriters that are not registered at any known location or properly licenced in any jurisdiction.

For instance, Rabbi Schmoigerman has claimed severe flood and mold damage at a building located on 65 bis Rue du Gros Choulentfresseur in Brussels, Belgium. Anyone with even a slight knowledge of Yiddish can recognize that such an address is a poorly conceived Frenchified version of a Yiddish phrase meaning a large or uncouth man who overindulges in a common Jewish Sabbath dish. But more frightening is that the building is insured by "Avadeh Insurance Group." Such an insurance firm is not registered anywhere, even offshore or as a syndicate. Other Schmoigerman insurors include "Welfareman's Fund," "State Pen Insurance," and "Allestzudrayt," with the largest exposure apparently placed on phantom firm "Assicurazioni Geneivetto SpA," registered at a toxic waste dumping ground in the Italian town of Reggio da Camorra.

It is apparent that Rabbi Schmoigerman has concocted a scheme whereby he claims damage to property, and then claims his insurance company has gone bankrupt or has misrepresented itself. In such a situation, he would be entitled to government and/or European Union compensation for lax regulations and/or regulator incompetence that has allowed these unlicenced insurers to collect years of premiums. Undoubtedly, the beloved Rabbi has forged receipts going back at least 20 years for each phantom property and insurer.

And who will pay for the Schmoigerman depredations?

We would normally say you, the taxpayer, but we suspect that Schmoigerman's fraud is on such a large level that trillions of dollars and Euros will have to be printed just to reimburse the self-appointed rabbi, whose claim of independence for his settlement of 90 quintillion rapidly reproducing and generously subsidized souls on the grounds of an abandoned psychiatric hospital is recognized by the EU, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, Turkmenistan, and Saudi Arabia.

The question is - who will print the necessary currency?

Schmoigerman's avarice knows no bounds, and if he is unable to obtain reparations from government bodies, he will clearly print dollars and euros himself, and as a sovereign of a sovereign nation, he is immune from prosecution.

However, in the past, Schmoigerman currency has either been issued under the name "fudshtemp" or has been printed in denominations such as 700 Euro and 895 dollar notes.

Therefore, it seems that this scam, which could not possibly net Schmoigerman any profit, is in reality a ploy to ensure that he remains a legally committed psychiatric patient and therefore exempt from prosecution for his myriad welfare and social benefits scams throughout the world.

It is time to make Schmoigerman understand that only the government can steal taxpayer money, and that those who compete with it must be subject to the ultimate penalty - community service in which they reveal and explain their tactics so as to instruct the governments of the world as to how to more efficiently steal from hard working citizens.

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