Monday, August 08, 2005

The Last One For Now - see everyone on 11 Av :)

Recent - from

The Secret of the Petek (told by the Admou"r meCreedmoor and recorded verbatim by myself, Reb Getzel Pashkvilkemacher):

Young David was wandering aimlessly through Jerusalem as he had been wandering aimlessly through life - he had tried kibbutzim and many yeshivos as well, not finding a fit in either the secular or religious world. One day, he wandered into a study in a small hovel in Mea Shearim, where he encountered a black hatted, bearded rabbi in intimate conversation with a rather unpleasant looking man in a kaffiyeh and khakis.

David thought to himself: "Here is what I have been looking for all my life. The warmth, the true love, between Yaakov and Esav that had been so diluted by hatred. And I am fed up with Israel in any case - all I ever get to see is the Russian Compound, which is where they put me every time they catch me peeping into schoolyards.."

With elation, David entered the study and observed the holiness of the yechidus, nay, the yichud, between the two men, who would both have a great deal of influence upon him. They paused for a moment upon noticing dissheveled David, who was wearing nary but boxer shorts, two sizes too big.Both of the older men thought - here is the man who will continue our ideology into the next generation!

So, they stopped their intimacy, and the keffiyeh wearer left the room.The black hatted rabbi revealed himself in all his splendor to young David, and passed him a handwritten note. "Dovid'l, my son, you must always keep this note with you, between your boxer shorts and your waist - "vehoyu letotafois bein einecho!" "What does it say?" asked David, whose Hebrew was nonexistent at the time.Repeat after me, said the rabbi: "SHYEGETZ AROYS!"

This is the phrase upon which rests the foundations of our shared goals in this world - to be the shlichim of the Samach Mem, to always spread strife among Jews, to call for the destruction of innocent Yidden who do not agree with us. For here in Jerusalem as in so much of the world, there are those who preach ahavas Yisrael and constantly perform acts of chessed- and this is what will bring the Moshiach. Once he arrives, men like you, and me, and my friend who was just in here for yechidus - I mean yichud, will be no longer. But if we work together to spread sinos chinom, Moshiach will never come and we will flourish....

"The man in the keffiyeh was none other than the tzorer who passed away recently in a military hospital in France. The rabbi was Moshe Hirsch, Cheremer Rov and sonei Yisroel of our generation. And Dovid'l is none other than myself, Kvod Kodsho veYeabed Zichro, Admou"r meCreedmoor....

(The entire congregation rose in shock, to pass wind.)


Mrs. Tantrum said...

The same"ch me"m chassidut? That's an old clan. Is your predecessor Bashevis Singer?

Der Shygetz said...

Never even read Singer as far as I can recall - if I did it was assigned reading in some course way back when :).