Sunday, August 07, 2005

The Post that Started it All

(The original Admou"r meCreedmoor was a wannabe ba'al tshuva who trolled Usenet by posting out of context quotes from the Vayoiel Moishe and writings of other gedoilei Torah so as to prove that Zionism is the avi avos kol tuma. He even managed to twist the words of the Likutei Moharan to blast Zionism; never mind that Rabbi Nachman preceded the Zionist movement as we know it by many years. Israel Tekhelet (Warren Losey), who is mentioned here, is indeed a mental patient; he is a perennial Usenet troll who claims to be Moshiach. Indeed, Izzy, who is not Jewish but apparently would like to be, was sentenced to hospitalisation after trying to shoot Rabbi Shloime Twerski Z"L of Denver, who refused to convert Izzy as one cannot convert a shoiteh.)


Creedmoor! The name conjures up images of padded cells, rubber rooms, electroshock machines, psychotropic medications, and insane patients who are convinced that they are Napoleon or Elvis or King Tut.
Who would dream that this remote facility, nestled among the concrete subdivisions of Long Island is home to a flourishing Jewish community? Who would dream that in its most heavily guarded wing, in the pristine setting of a white padded cell, functions a Chassidic court that rivals that of Chelm? Well, Moshe Dreckschreiber of Panim Shevuros and Yated Neelam visited this great edifice and found just that - a Jewish community complete with its own Admou'r and Chassidim!
Room 209. A foreboding steel door, painted white, seals off the entrance to this room, designed for incurable patients. The whiteness and the soft padding are but a prelude to the kedusha inside. Herein dwells the Heiliger Erev Rov David Goldman Sheyirfa"sh (She yihiye lo refuah shelema), Kvod Ho'Admou"r me Creedmoor!!
The room is large and empty, except for a computer, with a connection to the Internet. A large metal pushka sits on the desk next to the computer. It is marked "For Fighting the Zionist Heresy via the Internet!" Alas, the pushka is filled - with medication discarded by the heiliger Admou"r. In the presence of a physician, Dreckschreiber examined the medication. It is Thorazine, the medication which gave Goldman the title of Thoraziner Rov. This rabbinical post had previously been held by a certain Yehuda Silver, who has since left Creedmoor. His whereabouts are unknown.
One sefer lies next to the Admou"r's bed. It is the Satmarer Rov's Vayoeil Moshe...missing about 3/4 of its pages. The doorbell rings, and the Admou"r's personal physician allows a visitor to enter. This is Goldman's most devoted chossid, Israel Tekhelet, whom Goldman calls Yisroel'ke Bloy.
Yisroel'ke and the Admou"r often argue about Zionism, for Yisroel'ke is a devout Zionist. This matters little, though, because Tekhelet is but one of the many personalities of a certain Warren Losey a/k/a Losey Wannamaker a/k/a JewMan5845 a/k/a Elohim 519. That is right - Elohim519. Losey, who need not worry about Zionism for he is not Jewish under any interpretation of the Law of Return (it was a pity that he was not born at Sears, whose very liberal Law of Return allows for the return of all defective merchandise no matter the reason), actually believes that he is not only the Moshiach, but God himself!!!! He is supported in his claim by none other than the heiliger Admou"r meCreedmoor, but for the fact that Ho Erev Rov Goldman cannot concede that God is a Zionist!
Losey has resided in Creedmoor on and off since the age of 12. He is now Creedmoor's senior research specimen, preserved so that the staff of Creedmoor can study incorrigible insanity. Losey's medication regimen consists of Thorazine, Compazine, Stelazine, and Porno Magazine; he takes only the last of these regularly. The amount of voltage produced by the Creedmoor electroshock equipment has done very little for Losey, and his therapies have been discontinued permanently. Losey spends much of his time in yechidus (which in this case most poskim would define as yichud) with the Admou"r. The Admou"r gives weekly divrei Torah on Radio Creedmoor, based on revelations which he has heard from Losey, and supplemented by his abridged version of Vayoel Moshe......

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