Sunday, June 28, 2009

Part 5 - Cholerye Cleans Creedmoor - The Film Fails..or does it?


"Make a skin flick for frimme oisvorfen" was Reb Mechel's advice to his soon to be Rebbetzin, Cholerye Kosinska. "All you iz needink to do iz to show a skirt above der kneez, elbowz exposed end high heelz mit an open toe"!

Needless to say, Reb Mechel Groszberg failed to take into account that such a silly comedy, shot with poor equipment as Cholerye planned, could only be shown on the Internet, where no revenue was possible except for a few Google ads. That did not stop even him from purchasing another eighty-five per cent of the new film, which was now subscribed for 36,000 shares of one per cent each.

The film was made, and Cholerye starred by scrubbing hard and fast, cleaning the entire Creedmoor compound with strong bleach and making it shine with floor wax.

And an amazing thing happened:

Maria Osiolzka, the director of Maria's Maids, and one of the investors, immediately realized that it would be a fine training film for Polish cleaning ladies working in Jewish homes, especially at peak Pesach time. Therefore, she got a video production company to put the film on disk with Polish subtitles, and paid Cholerye $500 for the privilege. As the lighting was very poor and no one could see any of Cholerye's exposed skin, the esteemed director of Beis Frimme d'Kanoim purchased rights to the film in Yiddish for another $500, for use in her advanced seminary where girls were taught how to clean homes and cook and not much else of practical use.

Now, the film had made a profit of $1000 as it had cost nothing to shoot, the camera and cleaning supplies and even Cholerye's outfit all having been duly stolen from well known Borough Park stores. That meant that Cholerye had to divide 36500% of $1000 among her investors. She did not have this kind of money, even in stolen silver. No, Cholerye would not have major losses that would prevent her giving a return on her investors' money and food stamps. She actually had to pay out.

Cholerye had therefore just become a major liability for Reb Mechel Groszgrub, who could not marry her as she was now being chased by half of the same people whose stolen silver and rings sat in his shop for resale.

That left Cholerye with one option. Confess all to the Admou'r meCreedmoor in the hope he would need a third Rebbetzin.

After she confessed to her scheme, the Admou"r simply assigned a few more crimes to Cholerye by showing that she herself had applied for welfare as an illegal alien with assets when in reality all checks were going to the Admou"r.

The Admou"r was of course unarrestable, but such was not the case with Cholerye, who now faces deportation after she finishes her five year sentence for theft and fraud.

Fortunately, the Admou"r never found out that Mechel Groszgrub was behind the whole scam. But to be sure, he transferred the Kosinska welfare checks to the name Mechel Groszgrub at his own Creedmoor address. This way, if his Chossid dared to challenge him for the Rebbeschaft, he, too, would be deported straight back to Beedapesht. In addition, the Admou'r's becher collection increased by 100 units when a masked robber entered the Groszgrub store and relieved the proprietor of 120 bechers, 20 as his own fee and 100 for the Admou"r.

Score: Creedmoor 10, Kosinska -1000, Groszgrub -10

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