Sunday, June 28, 2009

Michael Jackson, Mourned and Insured by Creedmoor


Posthumous ticket sales are a new sideline for the Admou"r meCreedmoor, but not one he was about to pass up when he heard of the untimely (but perfectly timed as far as the Admou"r was concerned) death of Michael Jackson.

The Admou"r could have cared less about Jackson's musical talent or lack thereof; what attracted him to the singing star was that concerts for his tickets had already been sold and that insurance companies were reimbursing those who lost out because of the singer's demise.

Actually, the Admou"r's erstwhile shaliach, Shmeel Aniloiboiteachboi, had had contacts with Michael Jackson when he was employed by the Admou"r in a failed TV venture called ShekerSearch, in which Aniloiboiteachboi would search out the most obvious and egregious examples of sheker in the world and try to prove that they were really paragons of emes. The venture failed when Aniloiboiteachboi wanted cash rather than food stamps for his participation on the show, and duly embezzled same from advertisers and the Admou"r alike. That was the end of his shlichus, and today he stands on an inverted vegetable crate a few yards from the main gate of Creedmoor and babbles on and on with pseudointellectual attempts to connect Creedmoorer Chassidus to everything and anything in show business and personal relationships.

Nevertheless, this tenuous connection with Jackson was enough for the Admou"r to be able to organize "The First Posthumous Michael Jackson Gala Concert" in Azazel Stadium, Gehennom.

Of course such a stadium existed only for the benefit of his usual cohort of suborned insurance adjusters and incompetent insurance underwriters.

And his network had no problem showing that ten million tickets had been sold for the concert, scheduled for August 32, 2009 and canceled because Jackson had inadvertently been sprayed with acetone by an incompetent embalmer. Since acetone dissolves the plastic resins that had been the dominant component in the performer's enhanced body and face, that meant that in essence Jackson had dissolved and disappeared, making it impossible for any concert to be held in the heat of Gehennom in August where whatever little bit remained would definitely melt.

Results: Ten million tickets at an average price of 300 dollars per ticket, plus promotion costs of thirty two million Gehennom shkolim, exchangeable at the rate of four food stamps to the shekel, were reimbursed by a confederation of worldwide insurance firms to "Schmoigerman Productions, Limited Liability and Unlimited Fraud Company", registered in the Admou"r's own independent republic.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Aniloiboiteachboi" ???

oh no you didn' are on a roll, boy!