BS"D
Visitors to the Admou"r meCreedmoor's end of summer residence in rural Woodburning, New York, were treated to a special greeting and brooche yesterday, as follows:
"Zolst di geschrabt in dem sefer fin gezel, mirmo, machloikes, pirud, genyve, falshe kanois in ochet in dem bicher fin velfare in section acht. A schlechter, farkokte tzioinish naye yohr!"
Translation: "You should be inscribed in the book of theft, deceit, discord, disharmony, theft and false zealotry, and also in the welfare and section 8 rolls. A bad and excremental Zionist New Year!"
The Admou"r spends the last Shabbos before the Tzioinish New Year in Woodburnt, a scenic hamlet that has been totally destroyed by insurance fires but for a three story outhouse which he uses as both his home and shul. When in Woodburnt, the Admou"r busies himself with giving hechsher on Creedmoorer dalet minim, which consist of dandelions, cannabis leaves, crabapples and brush. The average cost of a Creedmoorer dalet minim starts at 250 EURO and can reach as high as 10,000 food stamps, and Creedmoorer Chassidim from major satellite communities including Otisville, Wormwood Scrubs, Maasiyahu and Shattah vie for furloughs so that they can visit the Admou"r and purchase the dalet minim at thirty per cent discount. Upon return to their residences, the Chassidim hand over a bit of their stash of Creedmoorer hadassim (Cannabis sativa) to their mashpiim and roshei yeshiva (wardens) and sell the rest to those who are not as privileged as they are.
This minhag, one of the defining customs of Creedmoor, is called "gebentschte swag" in Creedmoorer Yiddish, a patois said by linguistic scholars to contain words borrowed from languages as disparate as Hungarian and Brooklynese.
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