Thursday, September 17, 2009

Creedmoor Celebrates End of Ramadan Tomorrow


"On this auspicious day of the end of the holiest month of Ramadan, we, the true Jews who are opposed to Zionism in any fashion and who wish to surrender our bodies, our souls and our property to the forces of the great and glorious Islam, wish our true brothers, the Islamofascist forces, victory over evil and impurity. We join you in looking forward to the great day when every woman and girl will cover herself in a tin foil burqa, and when ignorance and illiteracy, our shared goals, envelop the world once again. On this auspicious occasion, I am making a donation of 100,000 food stamps to build a mosque in the basement of the central outhouse of Creedmoor, for it is said that "my outhouse shall be an outhouse for all people". We welcome our Muslim brethren to a feast this Friday night in place of the celebration of the Zionist New Year, and assure you that all food served is halal and has no trace of the impurity of Zionism or of the Great Satan, for no American currency was spent to purchase the food thanks to our own food stamp printing press. We look forward to greeting our Muslim brethren at this auspicious occasion, and we will also begin construction of the Masjid ul-Outhouse ul-Kabir at this time.

To those who celebrate the New Year of Zionist kefira, we wish a heartfelt Shygetz Aross, but we will still welcome you to our shul at a price of 1000 food stamps per seat."

-Arva deRabbonon Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman, First and Foremost in the Worldwide Struggle Against Zionism and Leader of the Congregation of Baseless Hatred and the Congregation of Men of Blood and Deceit of Creedmoor and Alcatraz.