Monday, September 21, 2009

Has the Creedmoorer really declared himself a getschke - and why?


The Admou"r meCreedmoor - From Feigning Insanity to Feigning Divinity
The greatest fraudster of the millenium's latest step in his victorious struggle to avoid prosecution.

A Zionist New Year's Editorial from Der Vochediger Velt-Barimte Pashkvilke

While we at the VVBP tend to support the Admou"r meCreedmoor in his perennial struggles against the twin evils of Zionism and working for an honest living, we now wonder how it is that a supposed manhig beAzazel manages to declare himself an object of worship.

We are aware that among the Admou"r's 150 quintillion followers, there are a handful of Elokists who believe that he is indeed lehavdil kavyachol, or at least the midas ha-din, bedecked in a tin foil shtreimel and an orange garbage bag. Needless to say, there is a very good reason that these neshomos are receiving SSI and interred in a padded cell, even if it is the Admou"r Rabbi Dovid Azazel Schmoigerman who is receiving those payments and charging rent for that cell.

Yet, this is the first time that Schmoigerman has declared that he indeed welcomes being worshipped as some sort of deity, perhaps a modern-day Moloch or Baal Peor. Even for us, this is simply going too far, as we are proud kanoim who believe only in the destruction of the Great Soton of America through multiple acts of federal entitlement program fraud, and of the Minor Satan of the medine through burning garbage cans, flags and everything else that can kindle major insurance conflagrations and explosions.

However, we are not ready to abandon our brave Admou"r in what may be his darkest hour.

Apparently, he is in no way proclaiming himself a getschke because he really believes in his own divinity or anything else other than his own vulgarity. Instead, it has become clear that this is simply the next stage in his quest to fully insulate himself from prosecution by the United States Government, in the horrible instance that the White House should return to its former whiteness after the 2012 elections.

It is expected that the first agenda of a non Affirmative Action president would be to root out massive federal entitlement program fraud, and perhaps even to boycott institutions which recognize the independence of the Independent Anti-Zionist Dictatorial Republic of Baseless Hatred of Creedmoor and Additional Ill Occurences (Malchis Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor veShaar Marin Bishin). This would mean that the Admou"r can be duly prosecuted and eventually jailed or at the very least forced to flee to Iran (where his presence could serve as a pretense for bombing the Pistachio-Islamic Republic to shards). So, the Admou"r rightfully fears that his present status of interminate criminal insanity combined with recognition as a leader of an independent republic is not enough to guarantee him immunity.

Therefore, his call to return to the ways of Terach and indeed to worship likenesses of none other than his august, september, october and november self, is but another affirmation of his utter and incurable insanity. His rabbinical ordination has finally been validated after the final count of cereal box tops and milk cartons that were sent to the proper PO box, so that he cannot deny he remains a rabbi. On the other hand, he has now declared himself an idol, which makes it clear to only the most biased observer that he is indeed clinically insane and therefore should remain immune from prosecution so long as he claims Creedmoor as his primary residence and the residence of his 150 quintillion Chassidim.

D-ward has been granted to him in perpetuity and it is the only piece of property that he owns and has not burned to a crisp. Hence, it is clear that our revered and reviled Admou"r is in Creedmoor to stay and therefore need not fear jail now that he has proclaimed himself a getschke thereby showing his total, complete and utter feigned insanity once and for all.

We end by saluting the Admou"r's decision to get a piece of the market for New Age objects of worship and neo-Kabbalah charms by selling likenesses of himself. Indeed, we applaud his utter lack of respect for the Zionist tractate of Choshen Mishpat in that he declares outright that he has exaggerated the amount of precious metal in each silver or gold idol.

In fact, we at the VVBP have found that most of the Schmoigerman statues sold in "Uncle Terach's Alter Heim Getschke Gescheft" are made of recycled shtreimel grade tin foil and duly marked as silver or gold depending on whether or not they are spraypainted gold.

NB: Uncle Terach's is among our advertisers and is distinguished by having the oldest accounts payable, only because our bank refuses to cash food stamps issued by the Schmoigermanic Bank of Creedmoor and our newsprint and ink suppliers do not accept food stamps as payment. Otherwise, Uncle Terach's and its predecessor Megadreck Mehadrin, as well as its affiliated "Biyur haBinyan" enterprises would actually be running a positive balance of 100,000,000 Schmoigerman food stamps.

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