BS"D
BSP (Bubbamyses Shonda Press)
When informant Solomon Drek approached Rabbi Dovid Schmoigerman in an attempt to get the world's best known miscreant behind bars and his own sentence reduced, he claims was met with a ghoulish proposition indeed. Our reporter interviewed Solomon Drek in his home, to which he is confined under house arrest while being monitored with a counterfeit Tiffany ankle bracelet. His attempt to sell said bracelet to Izevel Tzoiah Yachne Schmoigerman, the Creedmoorer Rebbetzin, may result in added charges for the accused swindler, who faces over ten thousand years in prison.
Drek: "The rabbi told me, he could sell me unused brain tissue for transplant!"
BSP: "Brain tissue? There is no way to transplant brain tissue at this time!"
Drek: "He said he has loads of unused gray matter from all kinds of people. Politicians who only use their mouths, he charges 10 dollars a pound. Bureaucrats who think with, you know, he calls it their tuchises, he charges 15 dollars a pound. The sheep who voted for Obama, he's got lots of real ones besides the votes he claims he generated from thin air, he charges 20 dollars a pound..."
BSP: "But according to Federal records, your attempt to frame Rabbi Schmoigerman was a complete and total failure due to his own earlier collaboration with Federal officials and his successful disabling of your microphone."
Drek: "But why do I need a microphone? Everyone trusts Solomon Drek or they wouldn't have invested 300 million dollars with me."
BSP: "Did Rabbi Schmoigerman offer the brains of your investors for sale? Those I think are worth about 30 dollars a pound. Clearly hardly used properly and never used for too much intensive thought and analysis".
Solomon Drek then attempted to whack our reporter with a fake Gucci (Guchi) bag filled with kidney beans. As this is a violation of his house arrest, we expect him to begin enjoying an extended stay in the Hot Showers Federal Resort and Respite Facility in Otisville shortly.
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