Thursday, April 02, 2009

Donors Cheated by Renegade Rebbe


"A toilet and a shed! For this I drove all the way from Monroe?" So lamented Joel Gross, a textile wholesaler and budding philanthropist from Kiryas Joel in Orange County.

What he was tempted by was an invitation to "Join Rabbi Schmoigerman for the Dedication of his New Community Synagogue and Education Center".

And this invitation was not free of charge. 

"I sent to Schmoigerman a truckload of white and blue fabric that he should sew Zionist flags and burn them. He give me an IRS receipt for ten thousand and an invitation to his new shul building finishing ceremony. I finds out first that he is actually selling the fabric at half my wholesale and taking EBT payments for it. Then I say, well, OK, he wanted to get some money to build his shil, until I gets there and sees his new shtibl."

What he saw shocked and surprised him:

"Three tool sheds and a toilet house! That is what he's got there! Nothing no one can pray in, nothing no one can learn in, even simple paint jobs he didn't do. And he wants to give me, you know, a brooche, a blessing, and he asks me to come into the bathroom house! He is crazy; that place smells even from the tool sheds!"

Our investigative reporters visited the new synagogue, one of three or four unauthorized structures which have sprouted on the abandoned parts of the grounds of Creedmoor Psychiatric Center. We indeed saw the self appointed Grand Rabbi David Schmoigerman welcoming guests, most of whom were Creedmoor staff members but also including a few bona fide Chassidic Jews, to a low shed marked "The Congregation of Falsehood and Deceit of the Chassidim of Creedmoor, May the Lord Destroy it And Lay It To Waste".

And indeed he was giving private audiences in a foul smelling outdoor facility that had once been an outhouse, once in this case meaning prior to World War One.

Legal experts confirmed that not only could Schmoigerman not be prosecuted for his latest shenanigans by virtue of his diagnosis of incorrigible insanity, but that any tax receipts he issued are of no value whatsoever.

Rumors of an impending insurance fire at the new synagogue have not yet been confirmed but are most probably accurate.

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